Relationship Analysis: The Back-Up Plan

The-Back-Up-Plan-movie-poster-Jennifer-Lopez

The Back-Up Plan was a movie about a woman who decided to become a mother through artificial insemination after countless dating and failed relationships, but after being inseminated, she met a man who might just be the elusive one she’s looking for.

How did the characters meet?

The couple met when they bought got into the same taxi while it was raining. They fought over who came in first, so Zoe came out and Stan did too because he felt bad, eventually the driver lost his patience and left them still arguing outside.

How the characters in the movie are attracted to each other?

the back up plan date night

After the incident in the taxi, Stan immediately took an interest in her.

Since Zoe keeps him blowing off, Stan compromised with her by just inviting her to buy take out food and since then they have gotten to know things with one another.

Zoe is attracted to Stan, but she keeps denying it, because she’s expecting to get pregnant and she’s got fear and trust issues. Zoe  found Stan to be real, funny, different, captivating, audacious, charming, and persistent.

Stan sees Zoe as sweet, sassy, complex, accomplished person, seductive, independent, competitive, dominant, quick in her response and kind. Stubborn, overly suspicious and distrustful of men.

– Is it true love or lust at first sight? 

No, it’s not. When people meet *love at first sight or *lust at first sight, you could just feel the chemistry and tension between them. At their first meeting, it was more of annoyance, irritation, and amusement.

Love developed later in their meeting or so when they got to know each other.

  • Was there chemistry between the couple?

*Emotional chemistry happened when Zoe turned the coin they found in the first meeting and they wished each other a good life and to stop taking other people’s taxi.

Stan invited her instead to be friends with her first. Ever since they met, Stan wanted to get to know her more.

*Romantic chemistry happened is when Stan tried walking Zoe home and they saw a coin again. He was convincing her that he could have been her best kiss then he left. And when they were talking while eating pizza and when they had their first kiss to end the night.

*Sexual chemistry happened when Zoe visited Stan’s farm. We all know what happened there. Mona advised Zoe not to sleep with him, but she did anyway. They couldn’t help it, especially with those pregnancy hormones coursing through her system.

I was debating whether it really happened or not, but it was expressed in other form. So the last one is *Empowerment chemistry. In the movie, it was shown that Zoe is an entrepreneur. She owns a pet shop, she’s good at making things happen and following through.

Stan is good with ideas, but he’s not good at following through.

At the end of the movie, Stan finally built the gourmet shop he was planning with Zoe’s help and support. I believe that Zoe helped him grow when it comes to his career and Stan helped her grow by opening herself and learning to trust again.

– What is the man’s *lovemap? Is it a healthy lovemap or not?

The-Back-up-Plan2 Alex-O'Loughlin

Stan has a history of getting married, but it didn’t work out because his ex-wife cheated on him and took everything.

I think that he has  an unhealthy lovemap, despite being hurt, he never stopped. He was the kind of guy who compromised himself for Zoe.

Relationships have several compromises, but Stab did all of them in a heartbeat. His actions were clearly ruled by strong chemistry with her.

Where can you find a guy in real life, who’s going to date you just like that after finding out that you’re having twins?

Just like children, adults also have a developmental task, and Stan at that time was just trying to pursue his career.

My psychologist friend,  shared three years ago, that some relationships don’t work because the couple is not on the same page or they’re not in the same developmental task. He never said it’s not going to work, but if you really want the person you’re with, then you have to wait for that person to be ready to settle down.

– What is the woman’s lovemap? Is it a healthy lovemap or not?

the back up plan - linda lavin - judy

Judy, Zoe’s Grandmother, just like Zoe, also wanted to make sure that Arthur, her fiancé, loves her and won’t leave her. So she made him wait for 22 years. In a relationship, there’s no guarantee if it’s going to work or not. The couple should just trust and do everything what needs to be done to make it work and to make it last.

the back up plan - michaela watkins - mona

Mona, Judy’s friend, she three children but I don’t remember her being married. She’s the only one who’s giving her sound, rational, and practical advice. She’s also funny, bluntly honest, and has a sharp tongue.

The Backup Plan

Since Zoe has an independent and dominant personality, she listens to her friend, but she doesn’t really follow her advices.

Zoe’s lovemap is unhealthy because as her friend said, she’s looking for a perfect boyfriend. Someone who will never let her down, and someone who will never leave her. According to Mona, she pushed people away, and according to Stan’s description of her character in the movie.

Her parents death also played a role in her lovemap. It’s the root of trusts and fear issues which led to abandonment issues.

– Does the relationship contribute to the growth of each person in the relationship? 

Yes, the relationship could work, but the couple from two different developmental task is a big concern.

Zoe wants to settle down and form her own family, but she’s got issues. At least, she already has the career life she prefers.

Stan wants to build his career and his business, but he is not good at following through his ideas. At least, he knows more about relationships.

They could both teach each other to accomplish what they want out of life, as long as Zoe will learn to trust and be open again, and Stan learns to adjust to parenthood and handle his career.

– Do the personalities balance each other, complete each other, or makes them a good team? 

Stan and Zoe came from different walks of life.

Steve has a more open, and optimistic personality. Zoe can help stabilize his strong impulse or recklessness in making decisions.

Zoe has a closed, detach and distrustful personality due to her upbringing and experiences. Steve can teach her to open up, and trust again.

They both have strong personalities and different plans, they need to work together to make it work.

– Are they capable of maintaining a long-lasting relationship? 

They are capable of maintaining a long-lasting relationship, but it’s going to be harder and needs a lot of work due to not being on the same page and strong dominant personalities.

I’m not saying that strong dominant personalities when joined together, it will never work. It could, but they need more in effort in the relationship.

– Why will the relationship work or last longer? Why won’t the relationship work or last longer? 

It will work if the communication is always open, trust each other, understand where each of them is coming from, accept each other’s differences and eccentricities and learn to adjust to the situation.

– What needs to be improved to make the relationship work and last longer?

As a viewer of the movie, I want this couple to get to know each other better, spend more time together, and learn their personalities, and qualities that would irritate each other. Since their personalities are somewhat independent, they need to learn to function more as a team.

– How lovemap plays in the couples’ lives?

The movie showed that they fit each other’s lovemap because their personalities have little chemistry and compatibility, those two serves more as a chemical and psychological manifestations of lovemap.

Yes, they are both attractive, but it doesn’t serve as a physical manifestation of lovemap. For lovemap, plays a role in a person’s life at a much deeper level, not just because they’re attractive.

The movie didn’t show much, that this couple has what it takes to make it in the long run.

In real life, it’s hard to say that cases like this happen. It happens mostly to teenagers or couples who got pregnant early age ranging from 18 to maybe 25 years old. Couples in real life usually starts a relationship out of chemistry, and in the end it doesn’t always work because of the differences, and they’re not old and experienced enough to make a relationship work.

Another is it’s very important for a relationship to work between couples who are on the same page or same developmental task.

*Thusly marked words are defined on this LINK.

6 thoughts on “Relationship Analysis: The Back-Up Plan

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