My Lovemap: Dave

Since this is a special day for me, I want to take advantage of this blog post to explain lovemap or try to explain and show you the physical and psychological manifestations of love through my experience.

At the end of the post, you might have a clear idea of how lovemap works. Now, if you want to know your lovemap, I can help you out.

LoveMaps3

So, according Emeritus, Child Psychologist and Sexologist, “lovemap” — is a group of messages encoded in our brains that describes our likes and dislikes. It shows our preferences in hair and eye color, voice, smell, body build. It also records the kind of personality that appeals to us, whether it’s the warm and friendly type or the strong, silent type. In short, we fall in love for and pursue those people who most clearly fit our love map. And this love map is largely determined in childhood.

 

The person who affected my lovemap is my Aunt. (Despite what she did to me, I love her because she’s doing everything to keep our family afloat. She may be unaware of what she’s doing to me, she’s still a good person.)

Anyway, my Aunt has a very dominant personality. She thinks very highly of herself. In fact, her employees are scared of her, and she’s even the kind of person who would shout at her boss if he did something wrong, and she lasted in that job for more than ten years. When me and my cousins are younger, she would always brag that she’s included at the top 10 board passers. My Aunt, she’s raising us like she’s disciplining her employees because for her it works and it’s effective.

Then I met my best friend in 2004 when I was planning to audition for the choir. We’ve been friends for almost ten years now. At first, I kept ignoring her because she came on to me too strong. I just got into college and at that time, I was trying to get to know myself and I promised that from now on I will do everything my way and I will not let anyone dictate what I should do in my life and I will not share everything there is to know about me. So I was distrustful and suspicious of everyone.

At first, my best friend’s personality turned me off because I saw that she has several qualities I don’t like, until I found out that she’s got a crush and I wanted to help her, so we got closer just because of that. We still had some misunderstandings and petty fights because of our differences, just like any beginning relationship in an adjustment stage.

Eventually, we also found numerous qualities I like and interests we both love, and it just made our friendship stronger. We even joked that if one of us is a guy, we’d be dating each other because our personality is well-matched. When we just started our friendship, I also promised myself that I would never ever fall in love with a guy who’s got my best friend’s or her personality. I love her as my best friend, but there are still qualities that I don’t like.

Then again, If she is a guy or if I’m a guy, I still won’t cross the line between friendship and love just because it’s a good angle and more beneficial. I respect our friendship. Some best friends are meant to be, and some are not meant to end up together. Some are just too desperate to follow what they see on TV series and movies.

My Aunt and my best friend have different personality types, but they have several similar qualities, so there was even a time, where I threatened my best friend that if she ever treated me in any way just like my Aunt did, I will disown her as my friend. She knows that I grew up being scared with my Aunt. She even made a nickname for her, she calls her a terrorist because she terrorized my life. My best friend made so much effort to make friends with me and to gain my trust. If someone knows me more than myself, it’s her.

Just like my Aunt, she also has a dominant personality and some classmates in College, finds her scary, so they always ask me and our other close friend, how did we end up friends with her.

So life goes on until April 2011 came and I met D. When I met D, I didn’t admit right away that I like him, all I know is I was drawn to him ever since because he was a writer, what I felt for him was a mixture of *intellectual chemistry, *romantic chemistry and *sexual chemistry. Seven months later, and I finally admitted to having a crush on him. But, due to a misunderstanding five months later, I fell in love with him deeper, accidentally and desperately because my former friend didn’t care enough to tell me that he was already involved and worst part is I assumed that the woman he’s dating was with someone else due to the compromising pictures I found on her facebook account in 2011.

I was attracted to him because he’s got my best friend’s personality, also because I’m a sapiosexual, sexually attracted to someone’s intelligence or I have experienced *intellectual chemistry and *sexual chemistry at the same time with him. My best friend’s personality and attraction to his intelligence is the psychological manifestation of my lovemap. If you remember, my Aunt similarities with my best friend in behavior. D is like the man version of my best friend.

Another person or relationship he represented in my life, other than my best friend, and my Aunt, is my mom and my relationship with her. He is basically like. Someone who is unreachable for me. Someone I can love from afar, but I can never depend on to be there with me.

I don’t normally fall for guys because of their looks, I fall in love for them because of their personality and how they treated me.

*Function words, D has a video talking about brain hacking and crept me out in every level that existed. Why? I’ve never met or seen a man who talks like or uses the same words as I did. It was really uncanny, watching and listening to him talk, he talks so much like me. We have the same function words, and we strive for the same thing, defy things and make people ask questions.

*Principle of completion, we fall in love for the feeling they made us feel, not the person. D made me feel what I wanted and needed to feel and that feeling is a matter of sanity and insanity. When a person accomplishes or gives that feeling to someone else, it’s what will make the person feel complete. That’s why I felt completed because of him.Unfortunately, he was already completed by someone else.

We also have something in common when it comes to our upbringing which makes us think almost the same way regarding a particular topic.

That is the logical reason behind my lovemap, but how about the good impact and the bad impact?

The good impact:

  • He inspired me to work on my dreams.
  • He made me mature and grow up in a way.
  • Some of his qualities had moved me to be a better person for him.
  • I found my true calling because of him.
  • He made me into a wiser, stronger, and brave person.
  • Because of him, I started to see things differently, I was given a chance to follow my dreams and let go of the previous dream that I could no longer follow and make it come true.
  • He gave my life a one hundred eighty degree great changes.
  • He brought out the best in me.
  • He was just an Angel passing sent to me, who saved me years ago in all the ways a person needs to be saved.

The bad impact:

  • He may have my Aunt’s temper.
  • No matter how much or how long he practices Sayok, a Filipino Martial Arts, it won’t make him to a Filipino. He won’t have the values of a Filipino. (I have nothing against foreign people, I just want someone with the same values.
  • He’s older than me, he’s got tattoos and has a long hair. (I don’t really fall for guys because of their look and I actually prefer older guys. I just never imagined I’d fall for the complete opposite of the person I grew up imagining since high school.)
  • He doesn’t feel the same way.
  • He may not be a Catholic. He’s done things, I haven’t and won’t do. (I’m not looking for a perfect person, and I’m not even perfect. I just want someone who’s going to admit to their sins, reflect on it, confess, and pray for forgiveness. That’s much better to me than nothing.)
  • He’s got vices, he smokes and drinks.
  • He doesn’t have children. What is he waiting for? (I meant he seemed to be contented with his pets and too busy with his work. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life cleaning picking up poops, cleaning urine, and walking the dog, and yet I’m already doing it. I want to have children. Children grow up and learn how to clean themselves and the best part is I have a much more meaningful relationship with them through talking and bonding.
  • We have different lifestyles.

I emphasize the bad because I’m using those reasons, so I can move on from him properly and completely and yet I still truly love him so much anyway.

It’s okay because it will never change the fact that I could never accept a person in my life with that much bad of an impact and influence in my life.

Seeing just how much worse the impact he has on me, it truly breaks my heart, thinking about it and finally coming to a thought that this guy I want and love so much in every way for a long time, can’t and will never be mine even if he’s not involved because of how he’s living his life.

So goodbye my lovemap. I wish that you’re close to making your dreams come true, that you live a very long life full of love, success, happiness, blessings, health, wealth, and more even if it’s not with me.

Since his impact on me is so widespread and penetrating, I will focus on making my lovemap better and when I do, I will meet a new guy who will fit my lovemap, and also someone whom I’ll fit his lovemap.

If ever I meet the man I’m going to spend the rest of my life, D will be just my blast from the past, and a somewhat familiar figure who is just a memory, but you won’t have that much effect on me anymore when that time happens.

According to a research, if your lovemap doesn’t permit you to have a happy, healthy, and content life where  you are loved, valued, appreciated  and taken cared of, you can work hard to have a healthy lovemap.

It’s just like the abused children, they also developed bad and unhealthy lovemaps. Concerned loved ones and friends need to help them rewrite a healthy lovemaps where they won’t be prone to getting involved with relationships with people who will just abuse them or vice versa.

It will take hard work and a long time to reverse the process or to turn a person’s lovemap into a healthy one, but I will do that slowly and surely. I know I’ll get there someday.

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*Thusly marked words are defined on this LINK.

 

 

2 thoughts on “My Lovemap: Dave

  1. Interesting. I think no one’s perfect, but a love map sounds like the non-negotiables in the relationship you want, mixed in with some It’d-be-nice-to-haves. At the end of the day, everyone’s gotta decide if someone’s flaw is worth ending the relationship, or if it’s worth trying to fix, or if it’s just something to get used to.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Exactly! Lovemap defies reason, logic, and facts, but you can train it to recognize what’s good and what’s bad for you in a relationship, so later on, you’ll stop settling on abusive relationships, and more. It’s not like we could choose the people to affect our psyche.
      Whether we like it or not, people in our lives gets engraved deeply in our brain and leaves an unseen mark in us, that affects the way we think, do, feel, interact, and love.
      If a person is a bad influence, and we recognize it, we can stay away as soon as possible, before he even gets engraved or leaves a mark on us.
      It is possible.
      Ever since I understood my lovemap, I learned to choose the people I keep in my life and stayed away from the ones that might influence me badly.

      Like

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