Marriage Is Not Just Papers, It’s Also Grace

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The other day, I’ve read some comments from the Some Thoughts on Same-Sex Marriage post from Freshly Pressed. First, let me explain that the post talked about the blogger’s reaction on the same-sex marriage law and what she got through all these years. It was a valid reaction and such a great post.

Second, I didn’t link this on the post because I’m not writing this to contradict the commenters’ beliefs. I’m just here reacting, but I’m not going to convince anyone to believe in Marriage the way I do and also to tell people to be careful with their words.

Third, Catholics who grew up practicing the religion, some of them does not really know what it means to be a Catholic, some of them were influenced by other cultures, some of them had undergone hardships, and some of them heard other people who never believed, that made them waver, and stop believing on being a Catholic and that’s what concerns me the most. They ended up abandoning the religion and disrespecting and underestimating those people who still believes.

Now what I’ve encountered in the comments, let me paraphrase some of it:

Marriage is just a paper. It’s not important.

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Marriage is not just a paper, to us Catholic, getting married by a priest is involving God in our marriage. God give us hope, to live mindfully, or in the present, to prevent us from worrying for problems that has not happened yet, and also to share our marriage problems with our God. Having a God, gives us the permission  to not worry too much, when we already have done our best in our marriage, because we believe that God will do the rest and that there’s a reason for everything, so have hope instead of worrying. The grace from God is/are the hope, motivation to try to love someone unconditionally (God’s love or Paradoxical love since people can only try to love like God, we realistically and practically, if we love the wrong person, called it martyrdom), strength to go on, and something to believed, in the long run, rather than just believing in ourselves.

We don’t need to get married. Our love is enough.

This time, I’m not even going to tell you that love is not enough. In fact, marriage is not even enough. In a relationship, for it to work, you need a partner, love, trust, acceptance, compromise, forgiveness, patience, open communication, quality time, consideration, cooperation and more. The thing is, whether you love each other and you get married, it’s not enough.

I don’t understand where this line came from since according to research, western culture believes marriage is serious business and that marriage is a socially or ritually recognized union or legal contract between spouses that establishes rights and obligations between them, between them and their children, and between them and their in-laws. So, why are there couples settling on just living together? Are they not confident that their relationship would work? Are they that poor to settle on just living together? Do they know what a real marriage is? Or is marriage don’t really mean anything to him?

I couldn’t really answer those questions for them. So I won’t since I can’t speak for them. I also have friends living together, I’m sure they’ll tell me, to save money for expenses.

Let’s get married to get health insurance, lower taxes and more. Marriage is practically for availing of benefits of the couple hence should always be seen as an economic partnership different from that of the opposite-sex marriage which is naturally directed to the generation and rearing of children as its primary mission.

I guess, this is the opposite of the saying, let’s not get married, and save money for our future instead, but to get married for the wrong reasons is also wrong. Couples who get married for the wrong reasons, end up bitter, several fights, and more and eventually leads up to divorce.

Another point, I have to make is couples don’t need to spend more on a wedding because married couples who spent more in a wedding, suffer more because they can’t get back the expenses of the wedding then it puts a strain on the relationship. Instead have more guests because guests mean more people to support your marriage, according to the research, , A Diamond is Forever, and Other Fairy Tales: The Relationship between Wedding Expenses and Marriage Duration by Andrew M. Francis, and Hugo M. Mialon.

Of course, the amount of money you spend on your big day should have nothing to do if a marriage will work or not and maybe next time the researchers, should also consider the salaries of the people in the research for more accurate and relevant results.

Another thing, in marriage, rearing children is not the primary reason anymore. If I want to spend the rest of my life with someone, that’s what marriage is for and then child rearing will come into the picture if I get pregnant. Besides, some couples don’t want to have children, and it’s their right. A religion should not dictate that.

Let’s get married to tie each other down.

I understand this, but I also know there are couples who cheated on their husbands and wives that’s also one of the reasons of the high statistics of divorce everywhere now. Whether people are legally separated or not, couples do split up and gets involved with other people. So couples who got married to tie each other down, are not just marrying fo the wrong reason, but they also don’t know the real meaning of marriage and a relationship.

Marriage as a patriarchal institution, a way to own and control women, children, and property.

Now this definition really gets to me because any person who believed in this believes that men who got married controls their wives and makes them slaves along with their children. Marriage is not patriarchal, that is just a traditional view because men are supposed to be breadwinners of the family, and women are supposed to stay in the house, wash clothes, cook food, take care of the husband’s and children’s needs several years ago.

Let me set an example, my Aunt and Uncle are married for twenty-five years, they both worked for years and earned money to raise their three children. I never saw them controlled each other, they are equal partners to each other. I know that’s just one marriage, should I set my grandparents as examples too? My grandparents were married for fifty-eight years until my grandfather died of left heart failure in 2006.

Men and women who gets married and controls their partner are abusive and controlling people and we don’t allow and support marriages like that.

It’s just marriage. To get married is a happy ending, or they live happily ever after, as the fairy tale says. 

No, it’s not just marriage. After getting married, more things will come along that will test you as a person. The scale of intensity and effect of feelings are much higher compared to couples who are living together, and especially those couples who are in their thirties and above because the maturity in those ages are different compared to the younger ones. Their correlation as a couple is much deeper and their commitment to each other is full.

I have nothing against those couples who are living together as long as they get married in the future. A relationship is about quality, growth, transcendence, transformation, and resonance. So I don’t understand why couples should live together first, to check if their relationship will work or not. I guess that’s another misconception. A relationship or marriage won’t work just by trying, it will work if both of you wants to make it work. You know? Forget what others say, that you need this and that, as long as the couple understands and knows the meaning of a real relationship and marriage, then they’ll know what they need to do to make the relationship work. So there’s no need to try, to see if it’s going to work or not. I’m sure that’s not only reason live together instead of getting married, so I won’t judge the other reasons since I’m sure some of them are valid.

Those Catholic couples who are not married might as well stop practicing the religion if they are not going to correct what they did, confess, reflect on their actions, ask forgiveness, and pray. Some Catholic people, don’t do this anymore, after all it’s what they see on TV shows, and movies, and it’s what they see on the generation now. That’s how influential the Western culture are.

And no, it’s not a fairy tale. Happily ever after does not come after marriage. Instead, it’s a new beginning, a new chapter.

Marriage is like a prison. It will take away your freedom, independence, and individuality as a person. 

That is so not true, it will only happen if you marry a person who is a controlling, insecure and needy people or those people either with personal issues, and personality issues who will take away your freedom, independence, and individuality as a person because their issues prevent them from thinking and acting as normal person and most of the time, either they’re too young and don’t know how to be in a relationship, or they just don’t know how. There could be a number of reasons why those people do those things.

Meeting people online and working in the hospital, I learned that you should learn to respect other people’s beliefs, and should not push their own beliefs to their friends, and patients/ clients. Instead, you learn to coexist, become friends and ignore the differences and eccentricities you both have. I have several friends who shared my religion, but I also have friends with different religions and others who don’t and that’s okay and I still love talking to and spending time with them. We can all coexist with each other despite our color, religions, race, and even if we don’t have a religion as long as we respect each other and don’t step on other people’s shoes and trample other people’s beliefs, and principles. Right?

Anyway, I believe that people should know how powerful words are. It can influence anyone to be something. As a writer, I know how influential words are, and I don’t want to use my words to make someone stopped believing in their religion, abuse someone, push people in their deaths, and more. Who wants to be responsible or a catalyst for that?

So to everyone, including me, of course, be careful of your words, and be responsible with your words.

2 thoughts on “Marriage Is Not Just Papers, It’s Also Grace

  1. This is a great post. I think society does lead people to believe love is all you need, but I agree there is so much more you need to make a marriage work and have a long term committed partnership with someone.

    Liked by 1 person

    • That’s true.
      Then again, I can’t use it against the people who want to believe that love is all you need.
      I can only guess that maybe people around them are forcing them to be with someone practical and who’s going to provide for them, but there’s no love. So love matters in a marriage, plus more.
      That’s what they have to remember.
      Maybe it gives them hope to think that love is the answer to everything, including their problems.

      Liked by 1 person

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