What is Chemistry?

Chemical_basis_of_love

Chemistry, some have it instantaneously with someone and some doesn’t.

All these years, I can recall all the guys I liked or had fallen for. There were six of them, the four were schoolmates, but among them the last two stood out. They were the ones whom I felt a strong chemistry with. Surprisingly, the last person was the most unlikely I’ll ever like or love. Why? He’s basically the complete opposite of my preferences.

So why did I feel that way towards him?

In fact, out of the last two, my feelings for him were more intense and stronger especially after he talked to me. My feelings for him were the hardest to remove because of the chemistry. There are eight types of chemistry and I’m pretty sure I felt the four.

  1. Intellectual Chemistry

The first time I saw him, the idea of him, his work and his writing invigorated me. I just wanted to get to know him! We talked and I thought, it was nice of him to take people like me seriously.

  1. Emotional Chemistry

I got to know him a little better and his story became an inspiration to me and his passion in reaching his dreams, somehow served as a catalyst. He gave my life a 180-degree turn for the better.

  1. Sexual Chemistry

The guys I like are usually clean-shaven, with a tall, lanky frame and they don’t have tattoos, but he’s not clean-shaven, has a huge, hunk-like built or maybe I’m just too small for him, and he’s got tons of tattoos. My preferences disappeared, and I stopped believing that people have types. It also led me to start researching why people fall for a certain person or feel chemistry and how it happens.

  1. Empowerment Chemistry

When I encountered him online, I never thought I would fall for him and I never thought I’ll get to this: How I am now as a person. This is the last, but it’s the most important of all. Because of Dave’s life story, I felt empowered to pursue my dreams, to be comfortable with my own skin, to never give up, to make my dreams happen, and his existence in my life, made me mature more as a human being. Dave was a hell of a ride, but it’s all worth it because of the things I gained as a person.

For more chemistry types, check this LINK.

First, let’s define it.

Chemistry for me is chemicals in our body that results in feelings of desire, excitement, and danger towards the person. You’ll always remember it, the sudden rush of joy the first time you met or saw him, to some, it’s the first touch and the first kiss. You can’t just get enough of it. According to Elizabeth Baldwin, it is the “igniter and catalyst of a relationship“. Luckily, chemistry happens unconsciously, and spontaneously, anyone can create it.

So how do you create chemistry with anyone you like?

  1. Be down-to-earth and sincere

According to Kelly Campbell, Ph.D., “if a person is comfortable with themselves, they are better able to express their true self to the world which makes it better to get to know them, even if perspectives differed”.

  1. Use the 4Ws and H (What, When, Where, Why and How)

Determine the person’s interests or things you have in common and talk about it. Remember: Don’t ask questions that are answerable by Yes or No. Don’t talk too much. It should be two-sided. Don’t share too much information right away. Keep it exciting by preserving the element of mystery.

  1. Mirror-Image

One of the easiest ways to tell if someone like you is through body language when a man is attracted to you, his body is facing towards you. Mirror-Image creates sexual magnetism. In creating a mirror-image, do it as subtle as you could to the point of being accidental. Notice couples on outdoors some are positioned in a mirror-image. According to Nicholas Boothman, Speaker and Author of How to Make Someone Like You in 90 seconds or less and How to Make Someone Fall In Love With you in 90 minutes or less, synchronizing body movements creates Chemistry.

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  1. Find similar experience

Similar experience lets you connect in a deeper level and get to know and understand each other better. When you disclose personal information, remember to sparingly share very serious or personal stuff right away. Balance the information you give.

Chemistry is not just for couples and you can have it with friends, family, and colleagues.

Unfortunately, According to Helen Fisher, Anthropologist and author of Why We Love and Why Him, Why Her, chemicals responsible for love (dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin) is replaced by different chemicals (Oxytocin, bonding hormone, and vasopressin) responsible for feelings of attachment after two years.

At this stage, it puts the couple in a calm state. The urge to mate and reproduce is replaced by feelings of togetherness and attachment to raise their offspring. So if you want to keep the chemistry going, go back to step number one.

It takes practice to make it second nature, so do it with people around you. It improves skills in creating rapport with anyone and it can lead to relationships: Friendship, Romantic Relationship, or Camaraderie with friends or colleagues.

Below is the science of falling in love, check it out.

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