The Three People We Will Fall In Love With For A Reason

Some time seven years ago, my best friend showed me something that talks about The Three People You Will Meet in Life. This was theorized by human behavior experts.

 

About a few days ago, I encountered something almost the same, but it was called and described differently.
It was We Only Fall In Love with 3 People in Our Lifetime – For A Specific Reason. Now this one came from philosophers.

idealistic loveFirst person, is your first true love. It is also called the idealistic love. You view love as black and white, no gray areas. It relies on how you see love is, but not so much on how you feel. This is where you will experience love the first time and be clueless about it. Which is why it’s not going to work out.

 

hard loveSecond person, is the you love the most. It is also called the hard love. This is where you learn about the gray areas.

It is also the most important experience anyone can’t miss because it’s the coming of age romance. It doesn’t matter what your age is, but this is where things get real.

The guy you will meet, will mark a before and after in your life. He will revolutionized your world in a second and teach you to see and feel things differently. This relationship creates resonance that triggers transformation. 

He will make you see your strengths and weaknesses, your flaws, imperfections, eccentricities, and most important of all your talents, and capabilities. You will believe your destined to be together, but this guy is not for you.

He is just an angel passing by you.

Just as Lang Leav said, “You may grow to love this person, but remember they are not yours to keep. Their purpose isnt to save you, but to show you how to save yourself.” – Angels

right loveThird person, is the right one for you. He’s not the one you love the most, and he’s not the one who loves you the most. He is the one who happens to be at the right place and time.

I call this third person, the right love. You will find each other when you least expect it. You will connect as a surprise,  and you’ll both know that you two just fit.

You will have just the right combination of personality,  and, strengths and weaknesses. Your similarities and differences,  will complement each other naturally.

It’s as if your soul just know and recognize each other. The moment you found each other, things just fall into place.

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I know that the second person, sounds more appealing, but when you meet the third person, you’ll know and feel why it never work out with the second person. 

The love you’ll have with the third person is just the right amount of companionate love, and passionate love, for it to become an eternal love. 

Here comes the tricky part.

The supposedly three people is sometimes three different people, but sometimes they could be one person.  Sometimes the first and second person, could be one person. And sometimes the second and third person is the same. Because some people meet again after so many years.

This is one of the things that we have in real life that TV shows, and some movies fail to show.

What we see on onscreen is all about chemistry, and compatibility. Some writers forget about complementing the right combination of opposite attracts and similarities and more.

Another predicament here is some people gets stuck on the second person. It’s because they really thought they’re meant for each other.

It’s only until they realized their pattern of dating people will they ever get to the third person.

Once Upon A Musical: The Song In Your Heart

When it comes to musical, it is my happy place.


So when I heard that Once Upon A Time is going to have a musical episode, I was estatic.

After all, I’ve been wishing for a musical episode since Season 3, when the Wicked Witch of the West joined the series. Yes, because of the Wicked Musical.

Of all the series whose characters should burst into a song when the emotion calls for it, of course, it should be Once Upon A Time.

Considering their characters are from a musical disney movies and with the exception of Zelena.

And now that the episode had finally aired, Oh, they didn’t disappoint.

The songs in the episodewere written by Alan Zachary and Michael Weiner.

(1)Powerful Magic appealed to me because I love how they adapted the original with a bird singing with Snow White. I already knew about Josh Dallas’ impressive voice, but I was surprised of Ginnifer Goodwin’s voice. I love how she sounds a lot and that she sings exactly the way she talks.

(2) Then the Evil Queen’s song, “Love Doesn’t Stand A Chance. Lana Parrilla’s voice may not be like Goodwin and Dallas, but she totally rocked the song by visiting different characters and destroying their happy moments. The musical arrangement matches her personality. Best part of the song is her dancing. I have to admit that sometimes I miss the evil queen because I’ve loved and rooted for her happiness. I love how strong she was, and how she redeemed herself.

(3) Zelena’s Wicked Always Wins wins top performance for me. The lyrics is catchy, sassy, and wicked as Zelena is and the musical arrangement of the song is so Zelena. Rebecca Mader nailed the Wicked Witch of the West, the emotions, and the story of the song. Some people may say it’s not Defying Gravity but, she didn’t just enjoy doing the song, she did it with the kind of passion and enthusiasm  that is needed in broadway acting. And that’s one of the important things in doing a musical. It’s not noticeable, but I’ve noticed the similarities from the Wicked Musical.

(4) Hook (Colin O’Donoghue) is also accurate to the character, and the lyrics is dark. I was expecting his voice or act to be psychopathic like. You know, a man with a thirst for vengeance, but he still did great job with a song. His voice got potential. I love fight stunts and the choreography. The lyrics wordy creative. I have to admit that I’m not a big fan of Hook, but I love how he changed his ways for Emma. I admire and appreciate what relationship he’s got with Emma especially what they’ve gone through.

(5) Emma’s Theme, you will hear it from the flashback. Showing us how young Emma already have the song in her heart to defeat the dark fairy. The theme is beautiful, meaningful, powerful, and haunting in a good way. Maybe because it’s also the main theme of the show. Just like in other musicals, for me, Emma’s theme, this song in her heart is a foreshadow of what she have to defeat the black fairy. Jennifer Morrison’s voice is pleasant to hear. Her head tone is amazing.

(6) The Happy Beginning is the last song. With the final battle brewing, the last song is a good reminder of hope, and what the show is been showing and telling the audience since season 1. How good triumphs over evil. I wish they invited other people they encountered from other realms, but of course I understand why they didn’t. I also wish the cast danced with the dancers in this song even with just a simple choreography.

I’d say that the musical is a gift to the fans. And it was a great gift because once the season 6 ends, there’s going to be major changes in the show and we’ll be saying goodbye to Emma, Snow White, and Prince Charming.

I’m so grateful, I’d got to enjoy the series and especially the musical episode.

I wish that there’s going to be a Season 7 and that Zelena will still be there. I’m also hoping to watch other disney stories and other untold stories we grew up watching.

So to those who haven’t seen the musical episode, see it with an open mind. Bearing in mind that a musical is about telling the story and not about how great their voice is. Of course, people in musicals have admirable vocal prowess as my mentor calls it, it’s because they’ve been singing for years.

Of all the musicals done by series, this one will certainly give you a disney feel and the lyrics for the characters are very well written. So congratulations to the cast, staff, and crew for a a job well done.

Relationship Analysis : Zelena & Hades Ship from OUAT

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Once Upon a Time is an American fairy tale television series that premiered on October 23, 2011, on ABC. The show takes place in the fictional seaside town of Storybrooke, Maine, whose residents are characters from various fairy tales transported to the “real world” town and robbed of their real memories by a powerful curse. It follows the heroine Emma Swan as she protects the town and its inhabitants from various curses and villains, sometimes involving traveling to other realms. Most episodes involve flashbacks telling its numerous characters’ stories. The show airs Sundays at 8:00 pm ET/7:00 pm CT.

It borrows elements and characters from the Disney-franchise and popular Western literature, folklore, and fairy tales. Once Upon a Time was created by Lost and Tron: Legacy writers Edward Kitsis and Adam Horowitz.

Back in elementary, the two stories I can’t forget from the classical Greek mythology are Helen of Troy, and Hades and Persephone’s story. I know it’s unfair of Hades to do what he did of Persephone, but it was romantic. Please forgive me then, I was just a child. I honestly don’t know what I was thinking back then. So imagine my surprise when Hades showed up in OUAT.

So I am going to write about the characters Zelena and Hades. This is also unusual because it’s a love affair between supposedly villains who belonged in different stories or realms.

When I first saw Hades in OUAT, I already hated him for what he represents. Then I saw the drawing of him and Zelena together, I didn’t like it. Zelena is already a villain in OUAT, and I wanted her badly to patch things up with Regina, and another reason I didn’t like it because it’s Hades. Need I emphasize more, why?

Then again, I can’t believe I’m posting this only now, instead of last year.

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Zelena, the Wicked Witch of the West, is the daughter of Cora Mills. She was born with magical powers. She was abandoned by her mother so she could marry royalty. On that day, she conjured a hurricane that brought her to Oz. She was adopted by a couple. Her adoptive mother loved her, but her adoptive father verbally and physically abused her because of her powers. She grew up Wicked because of what was done to her and plotting her whole life vengeance against her sister, Regina. Whom she believed got everything; parents, the kingdom, and even the teacher. Zelena is introverted, clever, persistent, vindictive, powerful, manipulative, confident, cunning, decisive, independent, and has a very strong personality. Zelena is played by actress, Rebecca Mader.

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Hades, King or Lord of the Underworld. He grew up with his brother Zeus, heir of the Olympus. As time passes, his jealousy over his brother had grown too which led him to kill his Father Kronus, and stole the Olympian Crystal. Zeus stopped Hades heart to keep him in the Underworld as its ruler and snap the Olympian Crystal into two for he knows he won’t be able to repair it without his full power. The only way he can restart his heart is by a true love’s kiss. Hades is extroverted, straight forward, confident, self-assured, arrogant, cunning, vindictive, manipulative, persistent, decisive, and also romantic. He knows who he is, he knows what he wants, and he won’t stop at nothing to get it. Hades is played by actor, Greg Germann.
Was It Love At First Sight? 

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Unfortunately, it wasn’t. Hades approached Zelena because she’s got potential to be his ally. He approached her because she was trying to break the laws of magic, and achieve a time travel spell, which is a big deal of magic. He saw potential in making her as his partner in crime.

Sure, they both could have found each other to be attractive, but they only did during the 3rd flashback, Almost kiss and bike scene. It was unexpected for both of them, but the sparks were real.

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Hades found Zelena powerful,  brilliantly wicked, witty or clever, and beautiful. Take note that he said that after the 3rd flashback, as if he was like a school boy having his first crush.

With Zelena, she could have found him attractive because in a way he is like that too. Zelena could have found him handsome, charming, suave, dashing, confident, cool, collected and romantic. I just Rebecca said in her interview, no one has ever done like that for her before.

Was there chemistry? 

Somehow I believed there was Intellectual chemistry because Zelena can actually match his wit. They are both good in manipulating people and they enjoy plotting ways to achieve their goals.

At the same time, there was also Camarederie chemistry, they almost have similar childhood backgrounds that made them kindred souls and helped them identify and relate more with each other.

Their past experiences are almost the same, they felt and reacted to the situation the same way, and they want the same thing.

“Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.” – Antoine de Saint-Exupery

They get what each other suffered, what they felt, and the result was they have the tendency to root for each other. Which is why they have the empowerment chemistry. They made each other feel as if they could do everything in the world. They pretty well know each other’s capability, strengths, and weaknesses. They accept each other for who they are and supports each other. I mean who doesn’t want to be with that kind of person, right?

There was also Sexual chemistry. Every time you watch them interact, you can just see, and feel the chemistry between them. It just sizzles.

Is the devil flirting with me?
Yes, he really was because he does have an agenda.

Another reason for their chemistry is also because of their proximity to each other and tension between them. The air becomes thick, you could feel the heat in your face. Their breathing becomes labored.

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In the rules of personal space, when someone trespasses your personal space, you become flustered, vulnerable and boundaries are broken. Which led to the part when Zelena sat in front of Hades and he felt his heart fluttered for a moment. That was real, but that wasn’t love.

The bicycle ride was truly a care free, vulnerable, and fun moment for the two of them.

Thanks to the on and off screen insane chemistry between the actors Rebecca Mader, and Greg Germann. Just like I said, when you’re a director and you have actors with chemistry like that in your hands, it just opens so many possibilities, and potential for a great romance. It’s as if you could get away with anything. And hell they did. 

I don’t want to say this, but yes there was also romantic chemistry. It was just starting to bloom, but there wasn’t love yet.

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Romance took seed between them for just a little bit because of the emotional intimacy. It is when they shared confidences.

It happened on the 2nd flashback, when Hades reminded Zelena’s past to her and then he shared what his brother did to him.

 

There was also a moment of intimacy on the present day, where Zelena and Hades met by the clock tower. It is when he revealed that he still loves her after all these years, that he was trying to get her baby for her, and when he told her, he made her own Storybrooke. That it was theirs. He basically changed his kingdom for her. He revealed it with the risk of getting rejected again.

I believe he doesn’t need the baby because he’s got the Olympian Crystal to defeat his brother.

In the Principle of Completion, it was a symbiotic relationship for both of them. You see, Hades fell for Zelena because of the way she made him feel. Even though he’s got nefarious plans when it came to her, and the heroes, he couldn’t control what he felt for her. She believed that he’s capable of love, she wanted his plans to come true, she wanted him to succeed, and she wanted to share her life with him despite having trust issues. And somehow, she brought back the notion of love, fun, hope, and innocence to him.

As for Zelena, it was the same thing. He valued her strengths, he accepted her for she is, he wanted to help make her plans come true, and last but not the least he appreciated her inside and out.

They complement each other so well, they could satisfy each other so well, and they could benefit from each other. The combination of them together is too powerful to ignore.

When it comes to their Lovemap, Zelena and Hades are practically have matching lovemaps. Due to their similar nature and personalities, experiences, motivations, and upbringing. That was when they first met.

Zelena’s  lovemap changed along the way, when her baby was born, and when she gained her mother and Regina. So when she met Hades again, she’s completely a different person.

As for Hades lovemap, for a God, he never felt it before, but when Zelena came to his life. Yes, it was in his best in interest, but he tailored his wants and his life to her. He considered staying in Oz and that he doesn’t care about his plans anymore and all he wants is her. He may have been faking it, but that was his view of love before.

Zelena told him, “If you did (love me), you wouldn’t take my best chance for revenge.

When you love someone, you will teach them what’s right, and prevent them from doing something wrong.

Several years later and they met again.

Hades adapted his lovemap again to Zelena. Zelena wanted revenge before, so this time he changed his tune, “What better revenge than having it all?

Why are they drawn to each other? 

The reason why they are drawn to each other is also the reason why it could never work between them. Unless, they truly work things. I don’t say this lightly, just because I’m being optimistic or because I’m a shipper of theirs. Couples like that in real life can truly work it out. People are drawn to people who is familiar with them.

Zelena and Hades are drawn to each other because they have a similar past. When a person finds someone familiar, it’s easy to get them, to understand them, and to fall in love with them.

As for Zelena and Hades’ case, they want to have it all. Hades knows that Zelena never felt love. So he knew exactly what to do to reel her in.When Zelena finally gave him a chance to be with her. In a way, Zelena had also have him wrapped around her finger a bit.

Hades knew that Zelena is already torn apart. But even that was the case, he was still confident and believed that Zelena loves him. Because if at some point, he believes it wasn’t real. Then Zelena would have never restarted his heart and he would have taken Gold’s deal to make sure he survives. But he trusted Zelena with his everything. He was compliant because she gave him a chance, she defended him, she fought for him.
Teaching someone or yourself to love someone that’s easy, but to make someone fall in love with you. As in make him or her your true love, that’s hard. Unless she was in the position to fall in love, which she was.

Other fans had theorized that Zelena is somehow, OUAT version of Persephone. I don’t know what writers are thinking, but it could have been. Zelena maybe the Wicked Witch of the West, but she’s got innocence in her.

When it comes to Hades, Zelena is so naive. When it comes to love, she’s very clueless because she never felt it before. I hope in a way she is because I don’t want to see another woman pair up with Hades, but only Zelena.

Another comparison with Persephone is Hades also betrayed Zelena by setting up Hook and Emma from getting the ambrosia, and trapping the heroes: David, Robin, Henry, and Regina at the library.

I’m actually torned because in the Musical, I shipped the Wicked Witch of the West with Fiyero, but in OUAT, I totally shipped Zelena and Hades.
Zelena grew up into a strong, wicked, beautiful, formidable woman, but she’s also a child who never felt love her entire life, she’s got trust and abandonment issues just like any other kids in her situation.
Zelena may be the eldest daughter, but whenever I watch the show, Regina acted more mature and wise. Because she’s got her parents, Daniel, then Robin’s love, Henry, and her friends love and support.

Love didn’t bloom between them right away because Zelena protected herself the first time Hades confessed his love to her.

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Again, I do believe his heart fluttered, but it wasn’t love yet. It was only infatuation.

He may have felt true love for Zelena, but it wasn’t enough. And besides, he doesn’t even know how to love.
Zelena was used to people hating her, and not choosing her. It’s hard for her to believe that someone could ever love her.
In fact it speaks true to Elphaba’s song in the Musical version of Wicked, “As Long As Your Mine”.

“Kiss me so fiercely, hold me too tight.

I need help believing your with me tonight.

My aimless dreaming could not foresee, lying beside you, with you wanting me.”

Another influence on Zelena is Belle. Zelena hesitated running to Hades with open arms because she might end up just like Belle. But Belle is also right, she’s afraid. She’s not afraid of Hades, she’s afraid to be rejected again, to get her hopes up, and to be left again.

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In addition to his, another event that influenced Zelena is when Cora returned Regina and Zelena memories to patched their relationship.

Regina and Zelena now have a little better sisterly relationship. Ever since Hades showed up in Zelena’s life again, she’s been in a roller coaster of emotions because it concerned so many people.

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When Regina supported Zelena in going to Hades, to find another love. It was sweet. In that moment, she truly gained her sister back, and somehow Regina is slowly beginning to trust her.

Did Love grew between them?

With Zelena:

(1) In the 3rd flashback, the almost kiss and bike ride scene, Zelena found herself enjoying a different company compared to what she’s used to. She enjoyed Hades company and undivided attention to her. He believed in her, and he encouraged her. Even Zelena admitted that she felt something for him even though it was too early to say it was love. At least she still have her con hat on.

(2) Meeting Hades again by the clock tower. She was in the position to fall deeper for him because she was vulnerable and confuse. She was vulnerable because she thought that Hades is after her baby for his time travel spell. This is a big reveal of Hades devotion and commitment to win her because she also found he made her dreams come true, almost because he created Zelena, her own Storybrooke, he tortured Cora to get Zelena’s birthday, and last, but not the least is he told her he would still wait for her when she’s ready.

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(3) When Hades took care of Zelena’s enemy, Dorothy, even when she didn’t even ask him too. He made an effort without her asking for it. And with Belle’s encouragement to try to find out if it’s going to work somehow gave Zelena a different perspective.

With Hades:

(1) Same thing with Zelena, the 3rd flashback, almost kiss and bike scene. Yes, Hades was only trying to gain Zelena as a partner, but something unexpected happened. When Zelena sat in front of him, his heart fluttered. And when they got to Dorothy’s location, take note that he started praising her differently compared to the 1st and 2nd flashback.

(2) Now bringing us to the 4th flashback, when he left Zelena at Dorothy’s location to prepare a surprise dinner with her. The first time he confessed his feelings for her. Zelena may have admitted that she felt, but she’s not ready to trust, and to love. He may have said, Zelena will regret it, but it’s only anger talking. Just like any human being, when they are rejected, they become more motivated.

Again as Dr. Helen Fisher’s research said from her book, Why We Love. As adversity intensifies, so does romantic passion. Adversity heightens passion, romance, and romantic zeal. Adversity stimulates romantic ardour. Adversity heightens pursuit, just as barriers intensify romantic passion. This applies to 3 and 4 below.

(3) Which is why he created the Storybrooke for her and tried to rescue her baby for her.

They may be separated from different realms, but Hades became obsessed with the idea of her and Zelena. His idea of them together, kept him going all those years.

(4) This one applies to Zelena and Hades. What they felt for each other, deepened because they were both in the position to fall in love.

With Hades, Zelena’s life was threatened by Rumple and Peter Pan. Go back to what I mentioned above, this adversity intensified Hades want for Zelena to survive, which also forced his hand to make a deal with Emma.

With Zelena, she became the damsel in distress. In Zelena’s view, Hades didn’t just save her life, he also ripped a contract which goes against his nature, and he tried to work with Emma. That’s a big deal because Emma is the savior even though it’s also a deal.

According to Dr. Helen Fisher, people have the tendency to fall in love when they are vulnerable. This is the hero complex where a person tends to fall for the person who saved them.

(5) Last but not the least, it was even confirmed here that what they had is true love and they genuinely love each other. 

That’s how it became a True Love’s kiss for the both of them.

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Why it didn’t work out between them?

I said before that the reason they were drawn and fell in love with each other is due to their similar backgrounds, worldview, personality, and goals in their life. They are practically mirror image.

When Hades and Zelena met again. So much has changed for Zelena, she’s got a baby, she gained her sister and somehow the heroes on her side, and the most important of all is her closure with her mother. Zelena no longer wants, what Hades wants. There’s already a fall out between them.

At the same time, I believe that Hades truly love Zelena, but his priorities are different from hers. He was still consumed by his vengeance against his brother, Zeus, and the idea to beat the heroes.

Another very sweet moment here is when Regina supported Zelena. I know Regina was trying to be a good sister to her when she said that. But they both just lost their mother, and just recently gained each other as sisters. They were too emotional and vulnerable to make any decision at all. It’s sweet and such a sister thing to do, but Regina shouldn’t have done it.

I actually find the scene very funny when Regina broke the news to Emma, David, and Hook that she supported Zelena to go to Hades. Her face showed that somehow she realized shouldn’t have done it, but she did it because she’s trying to trust Zelena’s judgement and because they are family.

Somehow I knew that the writers won’t make a relationship between Zelena and Hades work because it’s not the right time for them. They are both clueless when it comes to love. They don’t know how to love. Hades may have followed Nicholas Sparks ways from the Notebook in sweeping Zelena off her feet, but it wasn’t enough.

In reality, Love conquers all, if you know and understand how to love, Love is a big deal. Zelena was actually in the right mind when she rejected him the second time around. But Belle truly turned things around for her. Kudos to Belle.

As for me, I truly hope that Hades and Zelena can be together. The writers could have given Hades and not just Zelena to redeem theirselves. It won’t happen overnight, but I’m willing to wait. They can still be together. After all, people who die in OUAT always have a way of coming back. Of course, I’m also torn, because I read a comment from a fan, that maybe a version of Fiyero could come to Zelena’s life. But seriously, Fiyero belongs in the book and in the musical. haha.. I’m sticking with Hades here. I wish the writers had done more by making their personality complement each other, and not just by their similarities.

I have a theory that since the final battle is coming, maybe the writers don’t know for sure if they’re going to get renewed. They did said from their interview that they were wrapping all the stories of the characters. So they’re actually doing the fans a favor. It’s just a theory though.

So they’ve finished Hades story right away by killing him. Besides he’s not even a main character, he’s just a guest. If they could make the Evil Queen, Hook, and more good, they could make Hades good too. Just like they wrapped Liam’s story, Gaston’s, Regina’s father, Cora’s, Zelena which she somehow achieved since little Robyn was born, and up to the part when Hades accidentally brought them to the Underworld, and more.

Of all the relationship analysis I’ve written, the characters (Zelena and Hades) and the actors (Rebecca Mader and Greg Germann), are so far the one with the most insane chemistry. I can’t believe they topped my Tauriel and Kili from The Hobbit.

I didn’t want to be believe that Hades is dead for good. Most importantly,  I don’t want to believe that Hades never loved and appreciated Zelena. But it makes me wonder, because according to the qoute from the classical Greek mythology,

“Gods live their own lives apart from men, free of sickness, pain, and of course death.

Only through a God’s attachment to some mortal does he know true suffering.

So what about Hades? Was he ever attached to Zelena. Cause if he was, he was truly capable of giving up all his plans for her. But he didn’t.

And what about Zelena, was she somehow to attached Hades? I honestly have no idea how to answer this. 

How I Pursued Psych On My Own

Wondering how I started studying Psychology, somehow amazes me and I also find it unbelievable.

I have a long way to go, but somehow, I’ve come so far.

My fascination with Psychopaths started in my Sophomore year after seeing a documentary about them. Then again, I always enjoyed watching Thriller movies with serial killers. While I am fascinated by them, I stand 50/50 on whether I want to meet one, and the other 50 is I want to study them.

So I started studying them and watching everything with them, and plan to buy every novel with characters like them.

I have encyclopedias at home, from where I got my first read about Psychology.  They delved on child development. A topic I visited twice in college as a nurse, and I borrowed in several  library Psychology and Psychiatry books.

One very important and memorable time of my life is when I’m in my Aunt’s house. We were in her room. I was at the top of the double deck bed and she was below. She asked me, what I wanted to take in College. And I told her loud and clear that I wanted to become a Psychologist. She just told me she doesn’t want me to take care of mentally ill people. I shouldn’t have listened to her and just pursued what I love and wanted instead.

Then I got into college, we have a Psychology a lot.

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Of course, we also have Sociology and Anthropology subjects, different forms of Psychology.

 

For the last 16 years these are ome of the books I read regarding them.

I bought most of them in book sales and some of them from National Bookstore, Fully Booked, Powerbooks, and Amazon, the electronic books I have.

The first 2 were from my bestfriend in College, the mind control method is something I bought in highschool.

There’s my books in College below. My Psychology book was borrowed.

The Beauty Killer novels by Chelsea Cain are one of my favorites.

Of course, we know that Mulder is a popular or known Oxford Psychologist. My fascination in studying profiling and psychology also came from him.

My interest in Profiling was also influenced by Criminal Minds.

I know the novel Psychopath doesn’t belong with the group, but somehow it fits. Because I first heard about Lovemap from this novel. I learned several psych insights from this novel that I bought and search the other novels by Keith Ablow, a forensic psychiatrist.

From some of the books I borrowed in our library, below is an example of some topics I photocopied for studying.

This is from the book, Psychiaty Case Files. There’s another example of that picture below.

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Today is my birthday. And instead of celebrating my birthday. I want to celebrate what I love instead, which is to become a Psychologist.

That’s not all cause it doesn’t include all the books I borrowed in our library and the electronic books I bought in Amazon and from Scribd.

Significance of Commitment

What does it mean to be committed in a romantic relationship?

commitmentThere are many definitions for commitment and below is one.

imagesA Committed Relationship is an interpersonal relationship based upon a mutually agreed-upon commitment to one another involving exclusivity, love, trust, honesty, openness, or some other agreed-upon behavior.

I want to emphasize the words:

Exclusivity

Love is an emotion, a feeling. But when it comes to commitment it is a choice. A choice on who to settle with,

Trust

Honesty in Commitment is being transparent with each other. A matter of self disclosure, but it depends on the couple and it depends on the type of rerelationship.

Openness to each other is being able to listen, accept, and respect each other’s differing opinions, point of view, and eccentricity.

Behavior Agreed On – In a relationship, there are certain behaviors or attitudes we won’t agree or tolerate. We won’t change their personality, but just like in raising a child, we ignore or discourage the wrongful actions, and we award or acknowledge the right ones.

Commitment means differently with couples who are dating, being in a relationship, engaged, married, and are living together.

  1. Dating – You can be exclusive or you are both free to see other people. At this time, the couple is just getting to know each other and are adjusting to each other’s differences, and similarities. The tolerance is very high because it’s new and there’s a flood of endorphins that makes us happy, and serotonin that makes us think of them all the time. Until those chemicals are replaced by attachment and bonding hormones.
  2. Being in a relationship – It depends on the type of relationship you have. In this relationship the couple involved have personal and emotional intimacy, friendship, and familiarity, and the commitment to each other or more. It’s a case to case basis because the arrangement depends on the couple.

  3. Engaged – Promised to be married in a later or future date. The couple here had dated for years and are now ready to spend their lives together under the same roof. The relationship is exclusive and he or she should not see or date anyone else.

  4. Married – The couple at this point had compromised some things in their life to make the relationship work and keep it. The couple is now ready to take the next level which is to start a new family, provided they are already financially established, and both can now provide for their future children.

  5. Common Law Marriage – Also known as couples who had lived together. Apparently there are two kinds of couples here. They have the same benefits of a marriage couple, but some couples are living together but have a different type or arrangement in a relationship.

a) Couple who are just trying if a relationship between each other will work for them.

b) Couple are ready to take the next level, but have decided to wait to save money.

Before making a commitment, a couple needs to know what is a commitment and what it is to them. Because along those commitment are choices that they are willing to make, to make the commitment, and to keep it for a long time.

downloadYou also need to define the commitment.

Are you just curious to be in a relationship?

Is it Casual?

Are you committed?

You also need to ask yourself.

Is he capable of giving you what you want in a relationship?

Is he the person you want to get involve with or be with for the rest of your life?

Do you share similar expectations for the relationship?

Are you currently involved with someone who has the potential to be a healthy partner?

When a person can’t commit, it could be because:

  • He is not ready to be committed
  • He hasn’t found the person he can see himself with for a long time

  • His fear of commitment or his problem comitting might come from a bad experience or from his parents and/ or upbringing

  • In a relationship there are two definitions of commitment that are important and helps in making a couple make the commitment and keep it. Your definition and his definition. If that definition doesn’t match, then there’s going to be a problem.

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    If a couple makes a commitment, they are sacrificing something, but are also gaining something.

    You will both promise to do everything in your power to make it work and not just end up like the other couples on TV who cheated, who got divorced or annulled.

    I have nothing against them, getting divorced or annulled should never be an option when you get married.

    A couple before getting into a serious relationship or in a committed relationship, they should consider that you will both undergo changes in life and you can bet that both of you will grow and mature, but you can also change for the worst. The couple needs to be ready for those changes, and to battle the problems together that will come along the way. You don’t fix that by texting or calling. Do that face to face to prevent more misunderstandings.

    Those unmatched qualities or differences that attracted you in the beginning of your relationship can also be the reason for both of you to push each other to change or mold them into someone you want or imagined them to be. That is a big No.  That is why from the start, you don’t get married because you are meant to be, because you have chemistry, but because the qualities and personalities you have is a right balance of like attract likes and opposite qualities. You get married because they make you feel complete.

    Their set of qualities, differences, and personality, balances or completes your set of qualities, differences, and personality.

    In a commitment, you trust each other to be loyal, faithful, honest, and to both work hard on making and keeping the commitment last.

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    Furthermore, communication plays a big role in commitments. You need to communicate the definition or status of your relationship, and where and what is your take in your relationship and commitment with him.

    If everything is clear between the two of you, then heartaches, disappointments, wasted feelings, and wasted time can be prevented.

     

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    A couple is expected to build a mature relationship through commitment. If you can’t commit, you shouldn’t be in a relationship.

     

     

     

     

     

    A committed relationship is:

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    A relationship is about your commitment to each other, while you consider each other’s welfare.

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    See some more quotes about relationship commitment below:

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    Searching… A Life of Meaning

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    I’m looking for A Life of Meaning.

    I believe everything happens for a reason and we all have our own role to play. I know what’s mine.

    I wanted to become a psychologist. I’ve been studying and reading about them in our encyclopedia and my mother’s college textbooks since high school.

    Back in 2004 my Aunt was lying on the double deck and I was sitting beside her. She asked me what I wanted to do, so I told her I wanted to become a psychologist and she told me she didn’t want me to take care of mentally ill patients. So I’ve done as she said. Thinking about that memory now, makes me feel mad. I shouldn’t have listened to her.

    I went to my next plan which is to become a doctor.

    I took up nursing as a pre-medical course to become a doctor . But it never came true because I can’t afford it anymore.

    I lose hope, meaning, and even my faith, but God gave me someone that gave my life a 360° change in 2011, someone who revolutionized my beliefs, someone who resonated within me, and most important of all someone who cultivated a healthy growth in me. Ever since then, I trusted God more now than I do before.

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    This year God gave me something, an opportunity, and I accepted it without any hesitations.

    Slowly, my reality started to sink in and there’s a thought in the back of my mind that makes me want to regret taking the opportunity. I can’t say I regret everything entirely because I also regret the people and the friends I made who meant more to me and taught me a lot of things.

    I regret the opportunity a bit because I have to give up almost everything that’s important to me and I love desperately: my life, my writing, and my choir. I never thought it would come to this, but I also had to give up my leader position in my psychology group. I told myself that I will still write no matter what.

    When God is emptying our hands, He is preparing to give us New blessings. Right now, I only have 15 minutes time to write. I hate it, but I’m still grateful. So my priority is do some writing that would forward my writing career, and where I could earn some respect and at least some money. Besides I’ve only got my time and my life to waste.

    That’s why I want to mark this year. I was very heartbroken, but I know I did the right thing for the group and for the members. So  I came to the conclusion that it was time to pass the position to another person who is more active, responsible, and who is a committed leader. So I gave up the leader position to a trusted friend and member of the group.

    Today, I flashed back to the time before I passed the board exam. I was taking care of my Aunt in the hospital who undergone the appendectomy procedure. It was the worst time of my life, not because of my Aunt, but because my family never let me rest or watched over her to let me rest.

    I was there for 3 days. I wasn’t eating, drinking, and sleeping right. I should have known that’s the reality of a nurse’s life. Because from that moment, I knew that wasn’t the life I wanted. But like I said I didn’t took nursing to become one, I used it as a stepping stone towards becoming a doctor.

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    I truly believe there’s a reason for everything. And there’s a reason why he put me where I am now.

    Just like my previous experience when I trusted God with all my heart and let things happen. I am expecting that God will bring about a life-changing event. An event that will revolutionized my life, that will resonate and cultivate growth, that will trigger a 360° change.

    He did taught me another lesson. The lesson to say “No”.

    I never said No when I started my ballet lessons, I only did after 5 years.

    I never said No when I started my piano lessons, I only did after 5 years, but at some point it grows on you.

    I never said No when they wanted me to take the Nursing Board exam, I just did it.
    I never said No when they told me there was a nursing job opening in where I am now, which I took and regretted. At least now, I have a different  job that I’m at least interested.

    It’s a bit closer to what I wanted before which is also to become a Cardiologist or Cardiothoracic Surgeon.
    I never said No to a lot of things they wanted.
    Why didn’t I say No, because:

    1) I want to make them happy, but I was never happy

    2) I want them to be proud of me

    3) I didn’t want them to get mad or to disappoint them
    I was known as the obedient child, but I really wasn’t. I resented everything.

    Of course, the day of saying Yes should end, and it already did.

    It’s too late for everything. I made them mad. I disappointed them. And they weren’t happy.
    I always have a reason for not wanting to become a nurse. I grew up as a push-over child, I always do what they told me to do.

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    A lot of my friends in high school and in college told me that I can’t spend the rest of my life following what others wanted me to do. I thought they we’re a bad influence for saying that, but now I realized they were right. Eventually, I thought of Nursing as a job where I need to do as the doctors tell me what to do. Yes, following orders again. Also one of the reasons I wanted/ loved/  to become a doctor and imagined myself as a doctor, I wanted to do the ordering, not the carrying out part.

    6f743d0f9a5ad24e231b883ea46a41a4Another reason is it’s too late because I have no soul, heart, and personality left in me to give because I already gave it away. And being a nurse is draining because you have to give it your all: your body, mind, and soul. It’s hard to do that when I’m not getting anything that makes me happy and would make the experience tolerable or worth it.

    I have nothing left to give because at first, I gave it to a guy in 2011 who didn’t even want it. Then I gave it to my writing, the musical theatre, the choir, and in wanting to become a psychologist and worked as a counselor someday.

    I have nothing left to give as a nurse. While getting to work in the hospital, I would pray everyday to God:

    God give me strength, knowledge, confidence, efficiency, guidance, focus, steadiness, make me calm and collected, help me take care of my patients well, that I can give all their.medications on time, that I can perform all procedures right, etc.

    Being a nurse is not a joke. It’s not a trail on the park.What I do is not good enough. Because I have their life in my hands.

    Worst part for me is I feel suffocated, controlled, and forced to changed everything about me, even my personality. And that’s not okay.

    Especially for my personality, I don’t like being controlled, I wanted freedom to express myself, to be accepted and loved as me. Most important thing, I wanted to pursue my calling. And being a nurse, doesn’t help me pursue it.

    confuseddisorientedbewilderedsignwebThis picture is very accurate to what I’ve experienced these past six months. It was the most painful, loneliest, and desperate time of my life.

    Change is good, but changing my personality into someone I don’t recognize anymore, I won’t conform to that. I refuse to lose my soul over it. I believe in living a meaningful life, I can’t, I refused to live a life doing a job, I don’t love. I certainly don’t want to waste time or sacrifice anything for something I don’t love. The “time” I spent will never come back to me. Just like the life I’m living now. Another thing is I need, I must fulfill God’s calling for me.

    Just like how Moana badly to go beyond the sea, that’s how I badly want to pursue my calling, what I’m supposed to do.

    Life should have been like that picture below.

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    Also I want self-esteem and to be fully self-actualized. I can’t reach that level or stage if I’m not accepted or loved for who I am. Let alone my dreams that I want to come true or the lifestyle I want to lead.

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    Before the year ends, I promise I’m going to do something everyday to pursue my writing, my calling, and what I love to do.
    If I’m going to have a new year’s resolution, it would be to learn to say “No”, learn to voice out what I want and be firm with it, and to pursue what I love wholeheartedly with God’s guidance and blessings.

    Another thing is: I’m not going to let anyone dictate what I should and shouldn’t do in my life. I know my priorities, and that’s where I’ll focus. Anything that will become a hindrance to me in forwarding my career, I won’t do it.

    Last but not the least, I learned that not all opportunity should be taken especially if it doesn’t serve your purpose.

    I still did learn something from the experience, but at the expense of everything I hold dear to me. At some point I also matured, and understood other things about life way better than I did before.

    Relationship Analysis: Brown Sugar

    Brown Sugar  is a 2002 American romantic comedy film written by Michael Elliott and Rick Famuyiwa, directed by Famuyiwa, and starring Taye Diggs and Sanaa Lathan. The film is a story of a lifelong friends, A&R Andre and Editor-in-Chief Sidney.
    88d74b48b3af5c4771a8e445d00dfc97 The movie started with the question, When did you fall in love with Hip-Hop? At first, I didn’t know the significance of that question, until I got to the end of the movie.

    It’s not the just the story of how Hip-Hop started and evolved, but it’s also a story about how love grew between two people.

     

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    Young Dre and Sid

    The two can attribute their friendship and the launch of their careers to a single, seminal childhood moment – the day they discovered hip-hop on a New York street corner. Now some 15 years later, as they lay down the tracks toward their futures, hip-hop isn’t the only thing that keeps them coming back to that moment on the corner.

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    Sidney Shaw fell in love with Hip-Hop and later became a music journalist and a successful editor for the XXL  magazine. She is smart, caring, strong, stubborn, hardworking, sensible, mature, clever, and passionate at what she does. In the movie, Sid served as the voice of reason, although she had her moments of being lost and confused, and when she slept with Dre. At least she made the right decision to ask for some space to think, and figure things out.She is played  by actress, Sanaa Lathan.

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    Dre Ellis fell in love with Hip-Hop and later became a successful music executive. He is caring, fun, smart, stubborn, hardworking, charming, childish, and a player. In the movie, Dre is a bit messed up for me. He slept with Sid after finding out his wife cheated on him. It was hot, but I don’t consider it as the ultimate consummation of their love for each other. It was just wrong for me. He is played by actor and singer Taye Diggs.

    For years, I binge on watching movies about best friends ending up together, but as I grew up, I realized that it’s bullsh*t to push the idea to people. Some writers, producers, and directors don’t understand the process of true love and relationships because if they do, they wouldn’t have done the particular movie theme. It doesn’t mean I’m not a fan of the idea, but I do believe that some best friends are meant to be together. And Brown Sugar is one of the movies, that is realistic and true.

    86932283-a128-469a-9a00-f4f23ed2d061They are not affected by the Westermarck Effect. 

    Why? 

    Because they had come to like each other first/ fell in love with each other first before they even became friends. 

    In the Westermarck Effect, men and women who grew up together in a close proximity have reached a certain level of intimacy and familiarity that prevents them from falling in love. 

    What’s great about Dre and Sid is that they fell in love with each other, the day they also fell in love with hip hop. I always consider the first meeting to be important. I’m glad that they included it in the movie and they showed how important it was.

    Dre getting engaged with Reese was the trigger of Sid’s secret feelings to come out, and it somehow also triggered Dre’s when they kissed the night before he got married. At first they tried to live their lives like before, but it didn’t work out because of the closeness they have and when Dre quit his job and told Sid first before his wife, Reese.

    This is where I relate the quote of Antoine de Saint-Exupery below.

    love-quotes-and-sayings2In the movie, Dre and Sid grew up keeping the same direction which is hip hop. They may have different careers, but their careers still involves hip-hop. It’s the factor that held them close to each other including the other factors that they grew up together, and they’re great friends.

    Their chemistry in the movie started with Activity chemistry, when they discovered and fell in love with hip-hop when they were ten years old. As a person, we love to spend time with people who has the same interests with us, and the one who shares a hobby, and/or a passion with us.

    Due to the 15 years of friendship between them, it made them very familiar of each other. In the movie, I saw the frequent times, Dre went to Sid, despite being married. When it comes to relationship, when the attachment had formed, we want to stick with them. And here, we can see that Dre is glued to Sid despite being married.

    As for their Personality and Compatibility, Sid and Dre has compatible personalities, lifestyle, and careers. They are a team. He writes, creates, and/or produces music, and she writes a review about it. Dre is the thinker and the doer. Sid is also a thinker, a doer, and a supporter. She’s the voice of reason and support to Dre. And Dre also supports and believes in her.

    As for the Principle of Completion, Sid gave Dre his key feeling. She supported him in everything as shown on the scene when he told her that he’s going to make his own record label and she became a financial source to him. She told him, “Look, you’re my best friend. There’s nobody who believes in you more than me.” She helped him make his dreams come true, contrary to what his wife did. His wife, Reese, doesn’t know better and she just treated his dream as a hobby.

    At the same time, Dre also gave Sid her key feeling to feel complete. He appreciates her as a person, as a friend, and especially her skills as a writer, as an editor, and as a music journalist. He still remembers her first article, and he reads her column on the L.A. Times religiously, because it makes him feel closer to her. Compared to Kelby, her fiance, who only read the article she wrote about him. Sure, I’ll give him some break and consider that he did promised to read all her work, he takes care of her, he cooks for her, and he’s trying to accept Sid’s friendship with Dre. 

    The problem is Sid is not just committed to him, the way she’s committed to Dre and his dreams and to her work. Her relationship with Kelby is a relationship that’s bound to end from the start.

    Another good thing going on between them is their Intimacy. Sid and Dre already have emotional intimacy because of their 15 years of friendship. And that intimacy equates to the level of familiarity the characters have. That familiarity provided the characters a comfort blanket that made them stick to each other. 

    As for Dre and Sid’s Lovemap, I will compare it to the research John Money, Emeritus Psychologist and Sexologist, had done years ago with kids. He conducted a research with kids ages from 8 to 11 years old. It is where he showed them pictures of other kids and made them choose. Then several years later, he got back to them and discovered that majority of them were married to the person who’s got a similarity to the person they chose from the pictures.

    That research also applied to Sid and Dre. The only difference is they grew up together. They molded each other’s lovemap as they grew up. They both love hip-hop which served as a glue to their friendship and which led them to fall in love with each other. As time goes by, that friendship and love became deeper and more mature. And when that happened, that’s where romantic chemistry and sexual chemistry set in.

    In the movie, Sid finished her book and called it “I Used To Love Him“, she described it as her love letter to hip-hop.

    Her final words in her book.

    I always thought, one day I would outgrow my relationship with hip-hop. 

    I never thought it was a fad, like many.

    But I never thought it could grow and mature.

    I thought it would be an adolescent memory I’d look back on, like a crush on the captain of the football team.
    But I realize we have more than that. Much more. 

    We have a history…a friendship.
    We listen to each other.
    We laugh together.
    We finish each other’s lyrics.
    I don’t have to pretend with hip-hop, and hip-hop doesn’t have to pretend with me.

    My feelings have never been more clear, and I know they will never go away.
    To Hip-hop.

    Just like any best friends who crossed the line of friendship to love, their is a bump and that’s the fear that the relationship might not work, and they might lose the friendship. Which is what happened to Sid. So in the last scene, after some time had passed,  it was finally revealed to everyone that Hip-hop is Dre to Sid. She said.

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    During Sid’s interview in Hot 97, Dre called and asked her the question back, “When did you fall in love with Hip-Hop?” She finally told him the truth and he told her.

    “Sidney… I have loved you from the first time I laid eyes on you.
    And I love you still. You’re my air.
    So, I don’t want to be your friend no more.”

    This is the first time where Sid and Dre told each other that they’ve been in love with each other for a long time after everything that happened between them. It’s doesn’t exactly follow the process or stages of love I wrote about, but it is realistic. After all, love doesn’t care if it’s proper or right, it just wants to exist. And that’s why we all have brains to make the right decision and not just follow our heart all time. Because our emotions, when it comes to love, relationships, and decision making, it can also be governed by being lost, confusion, stress, lust, and more.

    What I can say with the script is it was clever. I love the research they made. How they wrote the love story, and include hip-hop in it. It’s probably a very simple story, but it’s the kind of movie every in loved best friends should watch. It’s the kind of movie, you’d want to watch and get that good feeling in the end, also the really good and thrilling feeling of falling in love. The theme of the movie is subtle, the script wasn’t preachy, the scenes, and the chemistry of the actors are not forced. It is a movie, that will make you laugh, cry, fall in love, and feel the thrill for almost two hours.