Relationship Analysis: Brown Sugar

Brown Sugar  is a 2002 American romantic comedy film written by Michael Elliott and Rick Famuyiwa, directed by Famuyiwa, and starring Taye Diggs and Sanaa Lathan. The film is a story of a lifelong friends, A&R Andre and Editor-in-Chief Sidney.
88d74b48b3af5c4771a8e445d00dfc97 The movie started with the question, When did you fall in love with Hip-Hop? At first, I didn’t know the significance of that question, until I got to the end of the movie.

It’s not the just the story of how Hip-Hop started and evolved, but it’s also a story about how love grew between two people.

 

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Young Dre and Sid

The two can attribute their friendship and the launch of their careers to a single, seminal childhood moment – the day they discovered hip-hop on a New York street corner. Now some 15 years later, as they lay down the tracks toward their futures, hip-hop isn’t the only thing that keeps them coming back to that moment on the corner.

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Sidney Shaw fell in love with Hip-Hop and later became a music journalist and a successful editor for the XXL  magazine. She is smart, caring, strong, stubborn, hardworking, sensible, mature, clever, and passionate at what she does. In the movie, Sid served as the voice of reason, although she had her moments of being lost and confused, and when she slept with Dre. At least she made the right decision to ask for some space to think, and figure things out.She is played  by actress, Sanaa Lathan.

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Dre Ellis fell in love with Hip-Hop and later became a successful music executive. He is caring, fun, smart, stubborn, hardworking, charming, childish, and a player. In the movie, Dre is a bit messed up for me. He slept with Sid after finding out his wife cheated on him. It was hot, but I don’t consider it as the ultimate consummation of their love for each other. It was just wrong for me. He is played by actor and singer Taye Diggs.

For years, I binge on watching movies about best friends ending up together, but as I grew up, I realized that it’s bullsh*t to push the idea to people. Some writers, producers, and directors don’t understand the process of true love and relationships because if they do, they wouldn’t have done the particular movie theme. It doesn’t mean I’m not a fan of the idea, but I do believe that some best friends are meant to be together. And Brown Sugar is one of the movies, that is realistic and true.

86932283-a128-469a-9a00-f4f23ed2d061They are not affected by the Westermarck Effect. 

Why? 

Because they had come to like each other first/ fell in love with each other first before they even became friends. 

In the Westermarck Effect, men and women who grew up together in a close proximity have reached a certain level of intimacy and familiarity that prevents them from falling in love. 

What’s great about Dre and Sid is that they fell in love with each other, the day they also fell in love with hip hop. I always consider the first meeting to be important. I’m glad that they included it in the movie and they showed how important it was.

Dre getting engaged with Reese was the trigger of Sid’s secret feelings to come out, and it somehow also triggered Dre’s when they kissed the night before he got married. At first they tried to live their lives like before, but it didn’t work out because of the closeness they have and when Dre quit his job and told Sid first before his wife, Reese.

This is where I relate the quote of Antoine de Saint-Exupery below.

love-quotes-and-sayings2In the movie, Dre and Sid grew up keeping the same direction which is hip hop. They may have different careers, but their careers still involves hip-hop. It’s the factor that held them close to each other including the other factors that they grew up together, and they’re great friends.

Their chemistry in the movie started with Activity chemistry, when they discovered and fell in love with hip-hop when they were ten years old. As a person, we love to spend time with people who has the same interests with us, and the one who shares a hobby, and/or a passion with us.

Due to the 15 years of friendship between them, it made them very familiar of each other. In the movie, I saw the frequent times, Dre went to Sid, despite being married. When it comes to relationship, when the attachment had formed, we want to stick with them. And here, we can see that Dre is glued to Sid despite being married.

As for their Personality and Compatibility, Sid and Dre has compatible personalities, lifestyle, and careers. They are a team. He writes, creates, and/or produces music, and she writes a review about it. Dre is the thinker and the doer. Sid is also a thinker, a doer, and a supporter. She’s the voice of reason and support to Dre. And Dre also supports and believes in her.

As for the Principle of Completion, Sid gave Dre his key feeling. She supported him in everything as shown on the scene when he told her that he’s going to make his own record label and she became a financial source to him. She told him, “Look, you’re my best friend. There’s nobody who believes in you more than me.” She helped him make his dreams come true, contrary to what his wife did. His wife, Reese, doesn’t know better and she just treated his dream as a hobby.

At the same time, Dre also gave Sid her key feeling to feel complete. He appreciates her as a person, as a friend, and especially her skills as a writer, as an editor, and as a music journalist. He still remembers her first article, and he reads her column on the L.A. Times religiously, because it makes him feel closer to her. Compared to Kelby, her fiance, who only read the article she wrote about him. Sure, I’ll give him some break and consider that he did promised to read all her work, he takes care of her, he cooks for her, and he’s trying to accept Sid’s friendship with Dre. 

The problem is Sid is not just committed to him, the way she’s committed to Dre and his dreams and to her work. Her relationship with Kelby is a relationship that’s bound to end from the start.

Another good thing going on between them is their Intimacy. Sid and Dre already have emotional intimacy because of their 15 years of friendship. And that intimacy equates to the level of familiarity the characters have. That familiarity provided the characters a comfort blanket that made them stick to each other. 

As for Dre and Sid’s Lovemap, I will compare it to the research John Money, Emeritus Psychologist and Sexologist, had done years ago with kids. He conducted a research with kids ages from 8 to 11 years old. It is where he showed them pictures of other kids and made them choose. Then several years later, he got back to them and discovered that majority of them were married to the person who’s got a similarity to the person they chose from the pictures.

That research also applied to Sid and Dre. The only difference is they grew up together. They molded each other’s lovemap as they grew up. They both love hip-hop which served as a glue to their friendship and which led them to fall in love with each other. As time goes by, that friendship and love became deeper and more mature. And when that happened, that’s where romantic chemistry and sexual chemistry set in.

In the movie, Sid finished her book and called it “I Used To Love Him“, she described it as her love letter to hip-hop.

Her final words in her book.

I always thought, one day I would outgrow my relationship with hip-hop. 

I never thought it was a fad, like many.

But I never thought it could grow and mature.

I thought it would be an adolescent memory I’d look back on, like a crush on the captain of the football team.
But I realize we have more than that. Much more. 

We have a history…a friendship.
We listen to each other.
We laugh together.
We finish each other’s lyrics.
I don’t have to pretend with hip-hop, and hip-hop doesn’t have to pretend with me.

My feelings have never been more clear, and I know they will never go away.
To Hip-hop.

Just like any best friends who crossed the line of friendship to love, their is a bump and that’s the fear that the relationship might not work, and they might lose the friendship. Which is what happened to Sid. So in the last scene, after some time had passed,  it was finally revealed to everyone that Hip-hop is Dre to Sid. She said.

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During Sid’s interview in Hot 97, Dre called and asked her the question back, “When did you fall in love with Hip-Hop?” She finally told him the truth and he told her.

“Sidney… I have loved you from the first time I laid eyes on you.
And I love you still. You’re my air.
So, I don’t want to be your friend no more.”

This is the first time where Sid and Dre told each other that they’ve been in love with each other for a long time after everything that happened between them. It’s doesn’t exactly follow the process or stages of love I wrote about, but it is realistic. After all, love doesn’t care if it’s proper or right, it just wants to exist. And that’s why we all have brains to make the right decision and not just follow our heart all time. Because our emotions, when it comes to love, relationships, and decision making, it can also be governed by being lost, confusion, stress, lust, and more.

What I can say with the script is it was clever. I love the research they made. How they wrote the love story, and include hip-hop in it. It’s probably a very simple story, but it’s the kind of movie every in loved best friends should watch. It’s the kind of movie, you’d want to watch and get that good feeling in the end, also the really good and thrilling feeling of falling in love. The theme of the movie is subtle, the script wasn’t preachy, the scenes, and the chemistry of the actors are not forced. It is a movie, that will make you laugh, cry, fall in love, and feel the thrill for almost two hours.

Relationship Analysis: Northern Lights

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Northern Lights is a novel by Nora Roberts adapted to a movie in 2007. Nate Burns accepts a job as chief of police in Lunacy, Alaska, hoping to get away from the traumatic death of his partner back in Baltimore. He meets Meg, an independent bush pilot, whose father is found dead in a mountain cave.

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Let me first make a statement that I won’t factor in what probably went on behind the scenes because I don’t want to emphasize  or glamorize it. But it might have/ might not contribute to the relationship of the characters in the movie.

Was it love at first sight?

I haven’t read the book yet, but what a way to build up tension and emotion between the characters. Yes, there’s love at first, and second sight before they finally met. It was captivating and magical to watch.

Is there chemistry between the couple?

There was * sexual chemistry the moment the couple laid eyes on each other and just every time they were together. It was just sizzling between them.

Yes, there’s also * intellectual chemistry with the way the couple engages on their verbal spar.

The actors who played the characters has a great chemistry and compatibility. Those roles were truly made for them. They were perfect for the roles.

Did the couple’s personalities balance, and complete each other and makes them a good team?

Nate seemed to be passive introvert which matches Meg’s extroverted and straightforwardness.

In such a short time, the couple somehow bonded and slowly got to know each other. Their relationship in the movie would seem fast phase, but not necessarily. Instead, their interactions together and working together comes out naturally.  

 

Does the relationship contribute to the growth of each person in the relationship?

Nate and Meg brought out the best in each other. It helps that Meg is so straightforward and she tells him what she thinks of him, she taught him different perspectives, and how things seem to other people’s eyes.

What is the man’s *lovemap? Is it a healthy lovemap or not?

Nate has an unhealthy lovemap due to his past relationship. His ex-wife cheated on him. Aside from that, he’s got an issue because he believes his partner died because of him. It’s normal for him to think that way, but it’s an unhealthy thought because he wasn’t the one who shot his partner.

I did love the part about him where he didn’t flirt with other women, he only did his job, and he only had eyes for Meg. He wasn’t a jerk to the other women on the show, despite them showing interest toward him.

What is the woman’s *lovemap? Is it a healthy lovemap or not?

Meg has an unhealthy lovemap because of her mom’s influence and because she grew up believing that her Dad left them.

While her mom sleeps around and never gets serious with any guy she meets. Meg is scared to fall in love  because she’s afraid that the guy might leave her too.

There’s a scene where she asked her mom, how could she love her Dad, despite everything, but her mom just answered, it was true love and she gave her heart to her Dad. Once you find that kind of love, you never let it go.

Another great scene with her mom is when she asked Meg if she loves Nate, and Meg said yes. Her mom gave her an advice, “Then marry him and hold on to that feeling for the rest of your life. Hold on to it hard.”

And in return, Meg pushed her mom to take a chance on John. A guy who’s always been in love with Meg’s mom.

Despite their issues, finding out Pat’s (Meg’s dad and Charlene’s husband) death, brought closure to Charlene and Meg and helped fix their relationship.

Meg is a commitment phobic and stays away from guys, but she can’t resist Nate’s connection with her. In fact, she’s very selective with her interactions with other guys.

How lovemap plays in the couples’ lives?

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We know that Nate has a healthy lovemap, but he’s got an issue with this past regarding his partner, but Meg told him that he can’t live his life that way, that he can’t run away. She also convinced him to talk to his partner’s ex-wife and when he did, he finally fixed his issue and it let him have a fresh start in his life with her. Meg is a strong force for Nate, she encouraged him to make a decision and to fight hard for what he wants and loves to do in his life.

Now, as for Meg, Nate is a catalyst in her life. Meg has been already a strong and independent woman, but she found a guy who is interested in her, who is concerned for her and her well-being, someone who  can be a source of strength for her and a sounding board for her thoughts, and concerns. He gave her stability, security, and commitment. So he also set her lovemap right. At the same time, he somehow helped heal Charlene and Meg’s relationship.

Here’s a review from someone who have read the book and watched the movie.

Despite what went on behind the scenes, like she said, read the book and watch the movie. It’s a great simple story.

*Thusly marked words are defined on this LINK

True Love Never Dies

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I met Michael during my nursing shifts as a student last week of October 2007. In fact, it was one of my best experiences because I studied and prepared well for that one-week hospital exposure. I badly wanted to become a cardiologist or a cardiothoracic surgeon. Aside from that, I also wanted to become a Gynecologist, Psychologist, Psychiatrist, or a Forensic Psychiatrist. I was happy then because I performed well and had answered right all the questions that were given to me.

During that experience, I met him. He wasn’t the handsomest person in my eyes, we only had something in common, which is to become a doctor (we bonded so much over that) and he’s the one who approached and made friends with me. I’m not the kind of person who falls for a guy because they’re good looking.  There should be more.

It felt so good to meet someone like him because he saw me as a person and he appreciated my mind and my skills. It felt refreshing to meet a guy who treats you as a person and a friend, instead of running for the hills and bullying you.

He was an optimistic and therapeutic friend who  boosted up my confidence. Someone I talk to everyday.

Aside from that, I have to emphasized that he’s the first person I met where I felt love at first sight, we were a good team while working with the doctor, we also have a good *chemistry and *compatibility. But no, he’s not my *lovemap.

Unfortunately, I stayed away from him because he’s got a girlfriend and I fell for him and I even thought he was the one for me.

At first he denied having a girlfriend but I eventually realized he’s taken. (Why do guys loves to keep their relationship status? They’re supposed to say that, so women won’t fall for them, disrespect their relationship, and the women they’re with. Any comment or suggestion on this? Do you remember? It happened with D too.)

Before we graduated, we promised to exchanged stetoscopes and before we went our separate ways he gave me those two blue things in my stetoscope in that picture below. Its caps from the Hydrocortisone medications.   It probably means nothing to him now , but it still means something to me.

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Then in 2009, we got in touch again and got closer. We started talking to each other more, we became good friends, we shared our days, plans, and what we wanted to do in our lives. We send each other inspirational quotes and even prayers.

At that time, his relationship with his girlfriend is over. I still have feelings for him, but I made the decision to keep him as a friend. What we had as friends is more important to me and I’ve promised myself that I will never cross that boundary between friendship and lovers again. It’s just not right for me. Then suddenly, he just disappeared on me. I’m not going to assume he’s got feelings for me, but what exactly did I do wrong?

I don’t regret not pursuing my feelings for him especially after meeting D, I know and believe that D is my lovemap and I will chose D over Michael a million times even if D doesn’t belong to me.

Of course, I know in my heart, that I’ll always care and love Michael. I just don’t think I’m in love with him.

For days, I’ve been searching for an old poem I wrote for him about how much I love him and that someday I’ll moved on and love someone else.

But I’m confuse right now. Michael and I are not friends in Facebook. I decided to find him and I found something shock and confusing yesterday.

He’s already married and he’s got a new born baby. It was painful to see. I cried myself to sleep while listening to Adele’s Someone Like You. I know, silly me.

I know D is the person I’m in love with and not Michael. I believe it’s because seeing him with someone else now reminded me of how he left me when he was supposed to be my friend. He said we’ll never stop being friends, but it’s not true.

If I get the chance to talk to Michael, I’ll congratulate him and ask him why he disappeared on me that’s it. I just want to understand why he left me when he’s supposed to be my friend.

It’s really true that even though, I’d finally moved on and I’d met someone I love the most for now.
I’m not in love with him, I just love him as a person, a friend.

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True love never really dies.

*Thusly marked words are defined on this LINK.

I Need A Clean Start with A Clean and Clear Conscience

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I’m almost ready for the coming holy week, but I still have one last thing I need to do.

Since my chance of saying it directly to the person is gone, I will write the message here then hope and pray that it will eventually reach them.

I’m writing this because I want to start a new life where thoughts of those people I’ve hurt won’t bother me anymore.

Years ago, I fell in love with someone accidentally. Let’s call him D. I wanted to use B to stick to the alphabet, but his name starts with D. Anyway, I couldn’t accept falling in love with him because this guy was the complete opposite of the guy I imagined myself with and the worst part was he was a stranger. I followed him on twitter because he is a writer. It was one of the reasons, I liked him. He was the first real author and writer, I followed in my account who responded to his fans. It was exciting and it was really nice of him.

As months passed by, I just kept pushing on the back of my mind that I like this guy. Until I decided to join Nanowrimo (I will share this experience in a different post) and I decided to ask what is his advice for aspiring writers like me.

He replied in his own words to focus on the story only I can tell, and to keep practicing. It was the seventh month since I’ve met him and I’ve also observed if this guy has a girlfriend or if he’s married. I never saw this guy posting any picture of a woman.

Ever since then, I would always talk to him and he would always respond. It was a great feeling. For the first time, there was a guy who treats me like a human being, and he is taking me seriously as a person. In my life, guys bully me all the time since grade school, high school, and college. It was nice to have a friend, who is not just someone somehow you could relate and understand, but the best part about D is he will inspire you to do what you love to do and make your dreams come true. I wouldn’t deny that I don’t just feel happy talking to D, I also felt the thrill, but like I said, it was just a crush, but eventually, I started to care more for D.

We have a common friend on twitter, let’s call her C and I believed that she knows everything about D. So for the first time in forever… *kidding* 😉 Anyway, I told her that I have a crush on D.

C told me, you should find another crush. He may be single, but his heart is not free.

I didn’t listen to her, considering it’s not like my feelings were that serious. It’s just a crush and there’s  a reason why God brought this person to my life.

In the next month, this guy posted on twitter that a friend of his needs help in a photography competition. I was curious who the woman was, so I tried looking for her in Facebook, assuming that everybody has Facebook then.  I found her and  her name starts with A.

(Guess, now you know why I was talking about sticking to the alphabet, right? The woman’s name is A, my friend’s name is C, and the guy’s name is D.)

Back to the story, it was fortunate because A doesn’t look like she’s dating D. She’s dating someone else because she’s got intimate photos with another guy. I left her Facebook as soon as possible, because I was invading her privacy and I felt guilty. I even voted for her in the photography competition.

At some point, even if I have a crush on D, I know that it was a long shot for this guy to like me, but I somehow told him that I did and the worst part was my actions toward him showed it. I became clingy, authoritative, and demanding of his attention which maybe annoyed him a lot. There was a part of me that still haven’t accepted the idea of liking this guy and the other part hopes that this guy could like me.

Five months later, I realized that D and A were actually dating. The bad news there was I’m already head over heels in love with D. I felt so betrayed by C. She should have told me, so I could have moved on right away with my life. D and A were together for years, I’m not sure how long.

I felt so ashamed and angry with myself because I disrespected D, and A, and their relationship. It was the first time it happened to me. Whenever I found out that the guy I liked was already involved, I would move on as fast as I could manage. After all, it’s easier to move on, when you have less feelings rather than when you have deeper feelings.

Since, I have told D that I somehow liked him, he stopped talking to me and started to ignore me. It hurt, but I didn’t regret it. Through that experience, I also found out what kind of person he is.

Reminds me of the saying, If you want to know what a man is like, look at how he treats his inferiors and those who can do nothing for him.

It’s a simple math, if someone likes you and you don’t like them, you should just need to tell them with a brief message like I’m flattered, but I don’t like you. Or they could say, I’m flattered, but I’m already with someone else. I wish he told me that then ignored me than just made me feel that I was just trash to him like I don’t have feelings. I made a mistake and I didn’t mean it and it was too late when I realized all the misunderstandings.

Sometimes I’m mad at D and sometimes I’m not because I know I made a mistake. And also, because I already know the reason why he came into my life and I know why he stopped talking to me.

Even if I made a mistake, nobody should correct that mistake or punish that person by committing another mistake, right?

I’m still a human being with emotions. He was older than me and he was more mature, he should have shown that he was a better person than I am.

Like I mentioned before, he inspired me. The most important thing is he was a big catalyst in my life. He gave my life a 180-degree turn or maybe a 360. I became wiser and stronger and I experienced immense growth as a person and when it comes to my career with this guy. Even if it didn’t workout, or this guy stopped talking to me, I’m not angry because I instead feel grateful with the growth I’ve experienced. If I never met this guy, I wouldn’t have experienced growth.

What infuriates me is D and A probably hate me because I disrespected them and their relationship.

I want to formally apologize and to explain myself badly, but it’s been years since I left them alone and I don’t have any direct and private way to contact them. I want their forgiveness. I want a clean and clear conscience, especially after the holy week.  I already went to confession, but that’s not enough.

Another thing that stresses me is C. I don’t understand why she never told me straight to the point. She’s a mother and she’s older than me. If she told me the truth, I would have never disrespected D and A, and their relationship. I honestly don’t want to be friends with people  I don’t understand. People who don’t really care about me. I want someone honest and transparent and not someone who’s going to lie to me even if it means hurting me. I’m not mad at her anymore, just disappointed. I know that a person can never be happy if she let anger, grudges or hatred rule her life and her heart.

D’s opinion of me, is important to me. He is a friend and I know that he took me seriously as a person. It’s been years, all I want for him and A is the best and their happiness. I really want to hear from them that they understood my situation and that they forgive me.

This is my message to them:

D and A,

I’m so sorry for the things I did to both of you in the past. It was never my intention to throw myself to D and flirt with him at some point. I didn’t really know that you two were involved. I can make excuses and say, I was young and stupid, but then, I really was.  I wished I knew better.

I’m so sorry. If ever you get to read this message, I hope both of you can forgive me. You belong in my past and I have no space for you in my present. And I know you don’t want me in your life too. I wish you love, happiness, success, and health. I’m officially closing a chapter of my life that includes the two of you.

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Now that, I’ve let this burden out. I just want to fix everything in my life that is wrong.

Maybe I will feel better and lighter in the days to come.

My New Life Chapter 1

Now I can have a clean start with a clean and clear conscience.

A good start. New life. New beginning.

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Relationship Analysis: Serendipity

*Serendipity was a movie about the couple who tried to test fate and find out if it was true. They stringed along their best friends and tried to find each other even when they’re both engaged to be married.

How did the characters meet?

The couple met when they picked the last one pair of gloves in the New York Department store five days before Christmas. A third guy almost bought the gloves, but Jon and Sara pretended to be together and that he was going to buy the gloves for her. In the end, Jon gave Sara the gloves and she treated him desserts in return, to the patisserie called Serendipity.

How the characters in the movie are attracted to each other?

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Sara made an impression to Jon, he was willing to get her number, but Sara didn’t agree. They met again moments later back in Serendipity when Jon realized he forgot his scarf and Sara forgot the gloves.

Jon was impressed by Sara’s fierceness, being quick on her feet, witty, attractive, and they had a moment when she returned his scarf by putting it around his neck. He invited her to do something.

jonWhile skating, they asked each other random questions. At this time, Jon somehow made an impression on Sara too with his persistence, his sense of humour and she was flattered as he told her that his one favourite New York moment is now as he skates with her, he helped her patched her wound after she slipped on the skating rink, and they had another moment when he shared the story of Queen Cassiopeia then he pointed the Cassiopeia constellation at the sky and drew the constellation in her arm. He ended it with a kiss in her wound.

Later, she gave him his number, and he told her to let fate run its course. Then the test of fate begun.

Is it *love at first sight or *lust at first sight

It could have been love at first sight. They fell for each other the moment they spent time skating and when they told each other things that meant something to them. After all, it is possible to fall in love with someone in 90 minutes or less as long they made an impression on each other. It started out as an attraction, and when they got the chance to get to know each other in little ways, the connection between them happened. They clicked together.

Was there *chemistry between the couple?

Chemistry is usually automatic and at times you can create it. In the movie, out of the *eight types of chemistry

*Romantic chemistry happened when Sara and Jon started talking about fate and destiny in the Serendipity patisserie.

*Emotional chemistry happened when Sara and Jon were sharing information about each other when they were skating and when he helped her with her wound beside the skating rink.

*Activity chemistry happened when Jon and Sara ate at the patisserie, skated, and when they tried to act foolishly in the elevator. Doing something silly and new with someone you don’t know, triggers the release of *endorphins in the brain, and also the feeling of *novelty.

What is the man’s *lovemap? Is it a healthy lovemap or not?

halleyJon has a healthy lovemap. It was shown when he got into a relationship with Halley, who somehow was a good influence on him and his studies.

At first, you wouldn’t think it was a healthy lovemap. He’s got the almost perfect fiancée and he was still rooting to find Sara.

deanHis lovemap was also influenced by his best friend, Dean, he writes for the obituary. He served as the voice of reason to Jon. At the start of the movie, he pointed out, why risked his relationship with Halley compared to a woman he doesn’t know.

It was tricky, in the middle of the movie, Dean eventually told Jon that his wife moved out and the reason was that their relationship died because it didn’t have enough foolishness. He cheered on Jon trying to find Sara cause he admired his foolishness. He shared the quote from the philosopher Epictitus, If you want to improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid.

Later in the movie, they mistook the woman to be Sara. Dean concluded, that maybe they were lying on the grass because he didn’t want to be standing somewhere else. Jon was supposed to get married the next day. It was an epiphany for Jon and his friend. The adventure to find Sara wasn’t really about finding Sara, it was for him to realize, that the logical choice was to marry Halley, but his heart wasn’t in it.

What is the woman’s lovemap? Is it a healthy lovemap or not?

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Sara has a healthy lovemap as proven by her advice to her patient that believing in fate or destiny stops us from doing the real work and that there are many people he could easily find and be happy with.

shrinkingI started to question her lovemap after seeing her relationship with her fiancé Lars. He was too busy to have time for her and when he told her to don’t fall apart for him. Despite the fact, that Sara just told him, she was losing her mind with everything that’s happening: her patients, her wedding, her honeymoon and his tour for his album.

Her lovemap was also influenced by her best friend Eve, who owns a New Age store. Eve forced Sara to make sense of things all throughout the trip as they look for Jon. She insisted that Lars is Mr. Good enough and stop looking for the mystery guy. She pointed out that Sara got a fiancé who loves her very much.

eveEve’s best speech so far is that:

It’s a wonderful thought. The idea that all of life, that every single event is part of some master plan designed to lead us to our universal soul mate. If that’s really true, then what’s the point of living? Of making decisions?

You make mistakes, and if you’re smart enough, you learn from your mistakes. You figure it out. You think.

Life’s a mess. It’s chaos personified.

It’s not giving up. It’s growing up.

LarsLars went to New York to spend time with Sara. During their trip Lars got a call and Sara ended up at the Skating rink. Sara also realized that even Lars loves her, they don’t have a healthy relationship cause Lars don’t have enough time for her which led them to break up for good.

At the last minute, Sara found the dollar bill with Jon’s contact information in Eve’s wallet, which made her stay in New York. For a moment, Sara thought she lost Jon too.

In the end, Eve told her to stop looking for Jon and just feel him in the air.

Does the relationship contribute to the growth of each person in the relationship? 

It’s possible for the relationship to work out basing it on Sara’s job as a shrink. She believed in fate and destiny, but her experience in life and her experience at work somehow lessened it and she learned how to be open minded by focusing on what needs to be done and the real work.

Sara made Jon questioned his belief regarding fate or destiny. Throughout the movie, after she tested him, the audience were under the impression that even if Jon was already with Halley, he was hopeful in trying to find Sara’s information in each Love In The Time of Cholera book.

At the end of the movie, Jon believed that life is a tapestry of events that culminate in a sublime plan. In the relationship, that belief can be a motivation for the couple to believe to wait for the situation to pan out and trust faith.

In this movie, I believe that it’s important to use your head, but you can’t lose faith and you need to trust your instinct.

Do the personalities balance each other, complete each other, or makes them a good team? 

I believe that there is a possibility of them being a good team when they tried to defend the gloves they were trying to buy. It was a team effort. We saw how they tried to help each other, finishing each other’s story.

I didn’t have a firm grasp of Sara’s and Jon’s personality, but in the relationship, she could be the voice of reason and she could also believe in fate and destiny.

Sara somehow made Jon believed about fate and destiny, but after losing his fiancée and Sara, he believed that everything happens for a reason.

They could balance each other as long as they don’t focus much on the idea of soul mates, fate and destiny and focused instead on making their relationship work.

Aside from the devotion they have to find each other after all these years, I couldn’t say for certain what other specific qualities they have to balance each other and make each other feel complete.

Are they capable of maintaining a long-lasting relationship? 

Sara and Jon could maintain a long-lasting relationship as long as they stay fond of each other, and they would continue to work on making the relationship last.

Since Sara is a shrink, I could see her establishing regular communication with Jon and making sure to spend quality time with him based on her experience with Lars.

I could see Jon, making an effort to make things work with Sara to avoid what happened to Dean’s relationship with Courtney.

Why the relationship will work or last longer? 

The relationship will last because they want each other and they could relate to each other.

I don’t know if it’s going to last longer, relationship that last long are couples who are used to each other for years or so. It’s not really about the length, but it’s about the depth and meaning of the relationship, growth and transformation that they’ve brought into each other’s life, and the things they’ve taught each other.

In the movie, I didn’t really see enough trials in the movie to predict the outcome of the relationship. What we only saw in the movie was two people who were already involved with someone, but still felt as if something was missing. It was a movie with a couple who’s got a strong chemistry.

Why the relationship won’t work or last longer? 

Basing it on Jon’s relationship with Halley, he loved her, but he doesn’t love her enough.

Basing it on Sara’s relationship with Lars, a relationship might not work, if both of you were not giving enough effort to make the relationship. They were engaged, but Sara was trying to find another guy and Lars was too focused on his career.

Sara and Jon’s relationship might not last if they get too distracted with each other due to too much chemistry. Other aspects of their life, such as their career might suffer.

If the chemistry, died down, they might feel it’s just chemistry. They don’t really know each other, they don’t have much anything in common that would keep them together.

What needs to be improved to make the relationship work and last longer?

If this is a real relationship, Sara and Jon needs to balance the chemistry in their relationship, when the chemistry is tamed, traits and qualities they don’t like about each other will stand up and it could get them closer or pull them apart. They need to accept their differences and learn how to compromise and love each other in their own way.

How lovemap plays in the couples’ lives?

Unfortunately, I believe that this relationship is ruled by chemistry.  I didn’t get to see, observe and experience any factor that would explain why and how they would fit each other’s lovemap.

There were no patterns to indicate their past relationships and experiences prepared Sara and Jon to be fated or destined.

It was a fun, silly and entertaining movie but in real life, people live in a rational and pragmatic world. Where in relationships you will rarely see them choose the perfect stranger over the logical choice.

There are brave and open-minded people who were lucky to find their lovemap and they would always trump quantity over quality. They would risk losing the logical choice over the perfect stranger because they found more meaning, growth, depth, and transformation in the brief time they’ve spent with them.

A relationship that is not just based on chemistry, love at first sight, lust at first sight, and best friends who became lovers, but a relationship that is so much more, so much bigger than chemistry, love at first or being best friends who became lovers.

Watching the movie is fun, it would also be fun and silly to test faith the way they did, but the results would definitely be different and more complicated in real life.

*Thusly marked words are defined on this LINK.