In the song, Born For You by David Pomeranz, it said:
Too many billion people running around the planet
What is the chance in heaven that you’d find your way to me
Only one thing it could be
That I was born for you
It was written in the stars
Yes, I was born for you
And the choice was never ours
It’s as if the powers of the universe
Conspired to make you mine until the day I die
And in this random world, this was clearly meant to be
What we have the world could never understand
Or ever take away until the day I die
I took the words closest to what Lovemap is. In a way it is true that there were people who were born for each other. But born is not the operative word. It’s actually made or molded for you.
According to Emeritus Child Psychologist and Sexologist, John Money, it pertains to the physical attribute and psychological connection engraved in our brain of the person we want to end up with.
It is usually quite specific as to details of the physiognomy, build, race, color, temperament, manner, etc. of the ideal lover.
John Money conducted a research with children ages 8-12 years old wherein he showed different photos of children of the same age and asked them which one they like. Several years later, he got back to those children and discovered that most of them married the the ones who’s got a similarity such as a specific physical trait to the choice they made years ago.
Further more, “lovemap” — is a group of messages encoded in our brains that describes our likes and dislikes. It shows our preferences in hair and eye color, in voice, smell, body build. It also records the kind of personality that appeals to us, whether it’s the warm and friendly type or the strong, silent type. In short, we fall for and pursue those people who most clearly fit our lovemap. And this lovemap is largely determined in childhood.By age eight, the pattern of our ideal mate has already begun to float around in our brains.
1) Kind of Love: This kind of love is learned first from parents. It leaves a mark to the child. When he grows up, he will pursue relationships with a woman who will love him the way his parents love him.
Ex. Men fall in love with women who are just like their mother. Women fall in love with men who are just like their father.
2) Personality of People Around Him: If a child grew up with certain personality types, they are also bound to fall for people with the same personality.
3) Upbringing: If a child grew up in an authoritarian or laissez-faire parenting style, it will also affect the kind of lifestyle he wants with his wife and the kind of upbringing he wants to instill in his children.
Ex. A child who grew up abused will grow up prone to abusive relationships. He responds to familiar treatment. He will be abused again or he will abuse his spouse and children, the way he experienced it from his household.
4) Function Words: According to a research published in Psychological Science last March 2014, “People who use the same function words—like pronouns, prepositions, conjunctions, and quantifiers—are more likely to couple up and stay together”.
5) Principle of Completion: According to Nicholas Boothman: “We don’t actually fall in love with the person; we fall in love with the feelings we get when we are with them.” This is where our personality comes into play. We fall in love with the person who gives us the feeling we are looking for.
According to Robert Winch, a longtime sociology professor at Northwestern University, stated in his research that our choice of a marriage partner involves a number of social similarities. But he also maintained that we look for someone with complementary needs. In many ways, we want a mirror image of ourselves. Physically attractive people, for example, are usually drawn to a partner who’s equally attractive.
He observed it’s the balancing out of sociological likenesses and psychological differences that seem to point the way for the most, solid lifelong romance.
According to Dr. Joyce Brothers, our mothers or in my case the person who raised us closely wrote a significant portion of our lovemap.
Yes, our long time caregiver’s personality and treatment (the psychological), and the appearance (the physical),will leave a permanent mark in us and it’s going to affect how we see and interact with them.
It is also of one of the explanations why Love At First Sight exists. According to Nicholas Boothman in How To Make Someone Fall Inlove With You in 90 MInutes or Less, “Given the right circumstances, with both of you sending certain signals and talking in a certain way at the right time, it can also be a prelude to love, taking you from attraction to connection to intimacy to commitment. It’s not about the length of time, it’s about emotional progression.”
That’s why when we meet someone for the first time, even if we didn’t know them, we felt something because of the way carry themselves. It could have been their body language, attitude, voice, and more.
Lovemap serves as an umbrella and below the umbrella are factors on the progression of love:
There are different ways to know and understand your lovemap.
Here is one way: Your Personal LoveMap
Apparently, we are capable of having several lovemap matches, our pattern can be good which in turn will make and help relationships lasts with our friends, family, and with our special someone.
A lovemap is not only applied to romantic relationships, but also our other relationships with people around us. But it is more useful and applicable to romantic relationships.
If our lovemap or pattern is wrong, it could also affect the way we view relationships, and the like of people we attract, and the way he/she will love us. Just like my example in the upbringing factor.
To understand lovemap more, check out my Relationship Analysis of couples in movies.