Significance of Commitment

What does it mean to be committed in a romantic relationship?

commitmentThere are many definitions for commitment and below is one.

imagesA Committed Relationship is an interpersonal relationship based upon a mutually agreed-upon commitment to one another involving exclusivity, love, trust, honesty, openness, or some other agreed-upon behavior.

I want to emphasize the words:

Exclusivity

Love is an emotion, a feeling. But when it comes to commitment it is a choice. A choice on who to settle with, who to spend the rest of your life with.

Trust

Honesty in Commitment is being transparent with each other. A matter of self disclosure, but it depends on the couple and it depends on the type of relationship.

Openness to each other is being able to listen, accept, and respect each other’s differing opinions, point of view, and eccentricity.

Behavior Agreed On – In a relationship, there are certain behaviors or attitudes we won’t agree or tolerate. We won’t change their personality, but just like in raising a child, we ignore or discourage the wrongful actions, and we award or acknowledge the right ones.

Commitment means differently with couples who are dating, being in a relationship, engaged, married, and are living together.

  1. Dating – You can be exclusive or you are both free to see other people. At this time, the couple is just getting to know each other and are adjusting to each other’s differences, and similarities. The tolerance is very high because it’s new and there’s a flood of endorphins that makes us happy, and serotonin that makes us think of them all the time. Until those chemicals are replaced by attachment and bonding hormones.
  2. Being in a relationship – It depends on the type of relationship you have. In this relationship the couple involved have personal and emotional intimacy, friendship, and familiarity, and the commitment to each other or more. It’s a case to case basis because the arrangement depends on the couple.

  3. Engaged – Promised to be married in a later or future date. The couple here had dated for years and are now ready to spend their lives together under the same roof. The relationship is exclusive and he or she should not see or date anyone else.

  4. Married – The couple at this point had compromised some things in their life to make the relationship work and keep it. The couple is now ready to take the next level which is to start a new family, provided they are already financially established, and both can now provide for their future children.

  5. Common Law Marriage – Also known as couples who had lived together. Apparently there are two kinds of couples here. They have the same benefits of a marriage couple, but some couples are living together but have a different type or arrangement in a relationship.

a) Couple who are just trying if a relationship between each other will work for them.

b) Couple are ready to take the next level, but have decided to wait to save money.

Before making a commitment, a couple needs to know what is a commitment and what it is to them. Because along those commitment are choices that they are willing to make, to make the commitment, and to keep it for a long time.

downloadYou also need to define the commitment.

Are you just curious to be in a relationship?

Is it Casual?

Are you committed?

You also need to ask yourself.

Is he capable of giving you what you want in a relationship?

Is he the person you want to get involve with or be with for the rest of your life?

Do you share similar expectations for the relationship? same future goals? 

Are you currently involved with someone who has the potential to be a healthy partner?

When a person can’t commit, it could be because:

  • He is not ready to be committed
  • He hasn’t found the person he can see himself with for a long time

  • His fear of commitment or his problem comitting might come from a bad experience or from his parents and/ or upbringing

  • In a relationship there are two definitions of commitment that are important and helps in making a couple make the commitment and keep it. Your definition and his definition. If that definition doesn’t match, then there’s going to be a problem.

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    If a couple makes a commitment, they are sacrificing something, but are also gaining something.

    You will both promise to do everything in your power to make it work and not just end up like the other couples on TV who cheated, who got divorced or annulled.

    I have nothing against them, getting divorced or annulled, but when you have a relationship, they should never be an option when you get married.

    A couple before getting into a serious relationship or in a committed relationship, they should consider that you will both undergo changes in life and you can bet that both of you will grow and mature, but you can also change for the worst. The couple needs to be ready for those changes, and to battle the problems together that will come along the way. You don’t fix that by texting or calling. Do that face to face to prevent more misunderstandings.

    Those unmatched qualities or differences that attracted you in the beginning of your relationship can also be the reason for both of you to push each other to change or mold them into someone you want or imagined them to be. That is a big No-no.  That is why from the start, you don’t get married because you are meant to be, because you have chemistry, but because the qualities and personalities you have is a right balance of like attract likes and opposite qualities. You get married because they make you feel complete. You get married because you want to see yourself with them after so many years.

    Their set of qualities, differences, and personality, balances or completes your set of qualities, differences, and personality.

    In a commitment, you trust each other to be loyal, faithful, honest, and to both work hard on making and keeping the commitment last.

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    Furthermore, communication plays a big role in commitments. You need to communicate the definition or status of your relationship, and where and what is your take in your relationship and commitment with him.

    If everything is clear between the two of you, then heartaches, disappointments, wasted feelings, and wasted time can be prevented.

     

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    A couple is expected to build a mature relationship through commitment. If you can’t commit, you shouldn’t be in a relationship.

     

     

     

     

     

    A committed relationship is:

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    A relationship is about your commitment to each other, while you consider each other’s welfare.

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    See some more quotes about relationship commitment below:

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    Relationship Analysis: Brown Sugar

    Brown Sugar  is a 2002 American romantic comedy film written by Michael Elliott and Rick Famuyiwa, directed by Famuyiwa, and starring Taye Diggs and Sanaa Lathan. The film is a story of a lifelong friends, A&R Andre and Editor-in-Chief Sidney.
    88d74b48b3af5c4771a8e445d00dfc97 The movie started with the question, When did you fall in love with Hip-Hop? At first, I didn’t know the significance of that question, until I got to the end of the movie.

    It’s not the just the story of how Hip-Hop started and evolved, but it’s also a story about how love grew between two people.

     

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    Young Dre and Sid

    The two can attribute their friendship and the launch of their careers to a single, seminal childhood moment – the day they discovered hip-hop on a New York street corner. Now some 15 years later, as they lay down the tracks toward their futures, hip-hop isn’t the only thing that keeps them coming back to that moment on the corner.

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    Sidney Shaw fell in love with Hip-Hop and later became a music journalist and a successful editor for the XXL  magazine. She is smart, caring, strong, stubborn, hardworking, sensible, mature, clever, and passionate at what she does. In the movie, Sid served as the voice of reason, although she had her moments of being lost and confused, and when she slept with Dre. At least she made the right decision to ask for some space to think, and figure things out.She is played  by actress, Sanaa Lathan.

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    Dre Ellis fell in love with Hip-Hop and later became a successful music executive. He is caring, fun, smart, stubborn, hardworking, charming, childish, and a player. In the movie, Dre is a bit messed up for me. He slept with Sid after finding out his wife cheated on him. It was hot, but I don’t consider it as the ultimate consummation of their love for each other. It was just wrong for me. He is played by actor and singer Taye Diggs.

    For years, I binge on watching movies about best friends ending up together, but as I grew up, I realized that it’s bullsh*t to push the idea to people. Some writers, producers, and directors don’t understand the process of true love and relationships because if they do, they wouldn’t have done the particular movie theme. It doesn’t mean I’m not a fan of the idea, but I do believe that some best friends are meant to be together. And Brown Sugar is one of the movies, that is realistic and true.

    86932283-a128-469a-9a00-f4f23ed2d061They are not affected by the Westermarck Effect. 

    Why? 

    Because they had come to like each other first/ fell in love with each other first before they even became friends. 

    In the Westermarck Effect, men and women who grew up together in a close proximity have reached a certain level of intimacy and familiarity that prevents them from falling in love. 

    What’s great about Dre and Sid is that they fell in love with each other, the day they also fell in love with hip hop. I always consider the first meeting to be important. I’m glad that they included it in the movie and they showed how important it was.

    Dre getting engaged with Reese was the trigger of Sid’s secret feelings to come out, and it somehow also triggered Dre’s when they kissed the night before he got married. At first they tried to live their lives like before, but it didn’t work out because of the closeness they have and when Dre quit his job and told Sid first before his wife, Reese.

    This is where I relate the quote of Antoine de Saint-Exupery below.

    love-quotes-and-sayings2In the movie, Dre and Sid grew up keeping the same direction which is hip hop. They may have different careers, but their careers still involves hip-hop. It’s the factor that held them close to each other including the other factors that they grew up together, and they’re great friends.

    Their chemistry in the movie started with Activity chemistry, when they discovered and fell in love with hip-hop when they were ten years old. As a person, we love to spend time with people who has the same interests with us, and the one who shares a hobby, and/or a passion with us.

    Due to the 15 years of friendship between them, it made them very familiar of each other. In the movie, I saw the frequent times, Dre went to Sid, despite being married. When it comes to relationship, when the attachment had formed, we want to stick with them. And here, we can see that Dre is glued to Sid despite being married.

    As for their Personality and Compatibility, Sid and Dre has compatible personalities, lifestyle, and careers. They are a team. He writes, creates, and/or produces music, and she writes a review about it. Dre is the thinker and the doer. Sid is also a thinker, a doer, and a supporter. She’s the voice of reason and support to Dre. And Dre also supports and believes in her.

    As for the Principle of Completion, Sid gave Dre his key feeling. She supported him in everything as shown on the scene when he told her that he’s going to make his own record label and she became a financial source to him. She told him, “Look, you’re my best friend. There’s nobody who believes in you more than me.” She helped him make his dreams come true, contrary to what his wife did. His wife, Reese, doesn’t know better and she just treated his dream as a hobby.

    At the same time, Dre also gave Sid her key feeling to feel complete. He appreciates her as a person, as a friend, and especially her skills as a writer, as an editor, and as a music journalist. He still remembers her first article, and he reads her column on the L.A. Times religiously, because it makes him feel closer to her. Compared to Kelby, her fiance, who only read the article she wrote about him. Sure, I’ll give him some break and consider that he did promised to read all her work, he takes care of her, he cooks for her, and he’s trying to accept Sid’s friendship with Dre. 

    The problem is Sid is not just committed to him, the way she’s committed to Dre and his dreams and to her work. Her relationship with Kelby is a relationship that’s bound to end from the start.

    Another good thing going on between them is their Intimacy. Sid and Dre already have emotional intimacy because of their 15 years of friendship. And that intimacy equates to the level of familiarity the characters have. That familiarity provided the characters a comfort blanket that made them stick to each other. 

    As for Dre and Sid’s Lovemap, I will compare it to the research John Money, Emeritus Psychologist and Sexologist, had done years ago with kids. He conducted a research with kids ages from 8 to 11 years old. It is where he showed them pictures of other kids and made them choose. Then several years later, he got back to them and discovered that majority of them were married to the person who’s got a similarity to the person they chose from the pictures.

    That research also applied to Sid and Dre. The only difference is they grew up together. They molded each other’s lovemap as they grew up. They both love hip-hop which served as a glue to their friendship and which led them to fall in love with each other. As time goes by, that friendship and love became deeper and more mature. And when that happened, that’s where romantic chemistry and sexual chemistry set in.

    In the movie, Sid finished her book and called it “I Used To Love Him“, she described it as her love letter to hip-hop.

    Her final words in her book.

    I always thought, one day I would outgrow my relationship with hip-hop. 

    I never thought it was a fad, like many.

    But I never thought it could grow and mature.

    I thought it would be an adolescent memory I’d look back on, like a crush on the captain of the football team.
    But I realize we have more than that. Much more. 

    We have a history…a friendship.
    We listen to each other.
    We laugh together.
    We finish each other’s lyrics.
    I don’t have to pretend with hip-hop, and hip-hop doesn’t have to pretend with me.

    My feelings have never been more clear, and I know they will never go away.
    To Hip-hop.

    Just like any best friends who crossed the line of friendship to love, their is a bump and that’s the fear that the relationship might not work, and they might lose the friendship. Which is what happened to Sid. So in the last scene, after some time had passed,  it was finally revealed to everyone that Hip-hop is Dre to Sid. She said.

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    During Sid’s interview in Hot 97, Dre called and asked her the question back, “When did you fall in love with Hip-Hop?” She finally told him the truth and he told her.

    “Sidney… I have loved you from the first time I laid eyes on you.
    And I love you still. You’re my air.
    So, I don’t want to be your friend no more.”

    This is the first time where Sid and Dre told each other that they’ve been in love with each other for a long time after everything that happened between them. It’s doesn’t exactly follow the process or stages of love I wrote about, but it is realistic. After all, love doesn’t care if it’s proper or right, it just wants to exist. And that’s why we all have brains to make the right decision and not just follow our heart all time. Because our emotions, when it comes to love, relationships, and decision making, it can also be governed by being lost, confusion, stress, lust, and more.

    What I can say with the script is it was clever. I love the research they made. How they wrote the love story, and include hip-hop in it. It’s probably a very simple story, but it’s the kind of movie every in loved best friends should watch. It’s the kind of movie, you’d want to watch and get that good feeling in the end, also the really good and thrilling feeling of falling in love. The theme of the movie is subtle, the script wasn’t preachy, the scenes, and the chemistry of the actors are not forced. It is a movie, that will make you laugh, cry, fall in love, and feel the thrill for almost two hours.

    Relationship Analysis: Avatar

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    Avatar (marketed as James Cameron’s Avatar) is a 2009 American epic science fiction film directed, written, produced, and co-edited by James Cameron, and starring Sam Worthington, Zoe Saldana, Stephen Lang, Michelle Rodriguez, and Sigourney Weaver. The film is set in the 22nd century, when humans are colonizing Pandora, a lush habitable moon of a gas giant in the Alpha Centauri star system, in order to mine the mineral unobtanium, a room-temperature superconductor. The expansion of the mining colony threatens the continued existence of a local tribe of Na’vi – a humanoid species indigenous to Pandora. The film’s title refers to a genetically engineered Na’vi body with the mind of a remotely located human that is used to interact with the natives of Pandora.

    HumansullyJake Sully was a former marine and who replaced his twin brother, Tom Sully, in the Avatar Program. He  is an introvert, fearless, determined, has a good heart, headstrong, has a lot of guts, cheeky, charming, a fast learner, adaptable, and cold to outsiders, but once he gets to know you and vice versa, he opens up to them.

    His training and experience as a marine made it easier for him to relate with the Na’vi, and he’s injury made him look at things in a different perspective. He is portrayed by Sam Worthington.

    When it comes to Jake’s *lovemap, I interpret the person’s lovemap usually by basing it on their upbringing, their relationships with everyone around them, and their experiences that will mold their lovemap match.Avatar actor iphone 6 plus wallpaper

    Since I can’t find all the information I need about Jake and Neytiri, I can only based their lovemap’s interpretation through their chemistry, their personality, and their experiences.

    For Jake’s, I believe that when it comes to a woman, he would want someone tough and someone who could handle his personality, and accept him wholly even the baggage he brings.

    And somehow Neytiri matches Jake’s lovemap because she’s tough and she can handle him just fine.

    He fell for her because even though he’s a moron, slowly she accepted him for who he is. She gave him so much.

    In fact, the song I See You by Leona Lewis, described it pretty well. She opened his eyes to their culture, spirituality, and most important of all, love. She basically gave him a new life, a new start in the clan. She revolutionized his world and gave him a new perspective in life. She made him care and feel not just for him, but for the people around him too.

    In the movie, there was the  Jake’s dream hunt scene that wasn’t used in the movie. In here, Grace won’t allow Jake to eat the worm because it might kill him. They don’t know what the worm would do to an avatar’s brain. Grace also told him that he can never truly be with her, because he will always go back to his own body. But Jake was desperate to become one of them. I love this scene, because this is where I saw how much Jake wanted to become one of them, how much he wanted to be with Neytiri. So it’s a very important scene for this post.

    In the dream, he was supposed to hunt the animal that would represent him and it will also let him truly See like the People. Well, that’s what the scene meant to me.

    Was it love at first sight for Jake?

    It could have been. Why? Because Neytiri saved his life. And just like I explained before in my Relationship Analysis for Tauriel and Kili here, Jake unbelievably is the damsel in distress. Whether we like it or not, we tend to fall for the person who saves us in every way. It is also easy to fall in love especially when we are vulnerable. And he is vulnerable because he almost got killed the first time they met.

    Another reason is he was impressed by Neytiri. As a marine, he probably assumed that he can take all those viperwolves with his training and experiences in the war. And he didn’t expect to be saved by a local Na’vi girl with impressive skills. He’s a marine and he can’t even take them, but she did.

    neytiri_in_avatar_2-wide-do-we-really-need-avatar-2Neytiri te Tskaha Mo’at’ite is the Na’vi princess of the Omaticaya clan. Neytiri is the daughter of the Chief and Tsahik (One who interprets the will of Eywa, their clan’s diety). She is considered of royal blood as her parents owned the highest title of the tribe. She is loyal, brave, has a strong will, wise beyond her years due to her ranked, tough, caring,  stubborn and rebellious. The Omaticaya clan hated the sky people, because according to them, it’s hard for sky people to See and also because Neytiri’s older sister, Sylwanin died in front of her. She is portrayed by Zoe Saldana.

    Jake met Neytiri when she saved him from the viperwolves in the forest. She was supposed to kill him, but there was a sign from a woodsprite, very pure spirit (Seeds from the Secret Tree). She planned to leave him afterwards, but more woodsprites surrounded him.
    Neytiri’s parents, the Chief and Tsahik of the tribe, decided to let him stay to study him because he is a warrior dreamwalker. And they’ve never met a warrior before that belonged from the Sky People (depicting people from planet Earth). Neytiri impressed Jake. But Neytiri thinks he’s a moron for not knowing what to do.

    She saved him because he’s got a strong heart. No fear, but stupid and ignorant.

    Tsu’tey is supposed to mate with Neytiri and the next Chief of the tribe. I can’t say much about them, but it only seemed like a political match. They greet each other formally, but they don’t seem close. They don’t seem to see into each other, only their relationship with the nature and Eywa. Tsu’tey and Neytiri are only united by their goals to rule and protect the clan. He may have real feelings for Neytiri, but she fell in love with Jake.

    But then, there were deleted scenes I got from Avatar Wiki and Extended DVD Edition (I think?). One of them is where Tsu’tey got jealous of Jake. In the party where Jake finally became a part of the people. Tsu’tey was supposed to open up to him, but Neytiri invited Jake to dance. Tsu’tey was jealous and especially when he realized that Neytiri mated with Jake.

    It was also during their dance where Mo’at and Eytucan decided to separate Jake and Neytiri. They noticed their closeness and that they’ve fallen for each other. This is an important scene for this post because it showed the real status or how Jake and Neytiri perceived each other.

    Of course, Neytiri was sneaky, that’s when she took Jake to the tree of souls. Then she explained that since he’s already part of their clan, he may carve his bow from the wood of hometree and he may choose a woman. And we know what happened next.

    This is the first time I’m going to bring up the *Westermarck Effect. It is said that when a man and woman who lived in close domestic proximity during the first few years (0-6 yrs old) of their lives, they become desensitized to sexual attraction. It is according to Finnish Anthropologist Edvard Westermarck in his book The History of Human Marriage (1891).

    Also, even Dr. Helen Fisher, an Anthropologist and Relationship Scientist, in her book Why We Love, said that when a man and woman reach a certain level of friendship, intimacy, and familiarity, they become desensitized to sexual attraction and romantic feelings to each other.

    When it comes to body chemicals: The chemistry of attachment, can quell the chemistry of romance. The kind of attachment Neytiri have with Tsu’tey is too much and family like, to the point it has already desensitized her  from falling in love for him.

    I’m sure Neytiri cared for Tsu’tey, but not in a romantic way.

    For Neytiri’s *lovemap, I have to admit that somehow it was hard for me to observe, because I usually observe real people, I only got to observe Neytiri closely through her facial expressions, voice, and body language. They made it easier for me to detect what she’s feeling.

    While Neytiri gave Jake so much, I can say that she fell for a Skxawng (Moron) who made the effort and never gave up to study their culture, and relationship with their diety, Eywa. Just like Jake said, At first it was just orders. Then everything changed. I fell in love with the forest, with the Omaticaya People, with you. 

    He gave his everything to her, because what did he have to lose? Most important of all, he let her be herself and appreciated and accepted her for who she is, because in the tribe, she needs to act as the chief and tsahik’s daughter, and tsu’tey’s betrothed. But with Jake, it’s different. He can make her smile and laugh. He somehow opened her mind more to sky people, that there’s goodness in some sky people and they are able to See.

    According to the Avatar Wiki, Neytiri is supposed to be in her teens or she’s eighteen years old, but despite the young age, Na’vi grow up fast. With the efforts Jake had done to become a part of The People. He also became someone to lean on and depend on by Neytiri. When Jake became the 6th Turok Macto, Neytiri was afraid, but not anymore when he came back and sided with them.

    Was it love at first sight for Neytiri?

    I believe so, in the form of being drawn to him. It wasn’t obvious because of the existing hatred for Sky People. She wants nothing to do with him, but whether she likes it or not she was drawn to him. She grew fonder of him and slowly, she realized that he made her feel things that she never felt before and feelings that even Tsu’tey could never trigger in her. He is a moron, but he gets away with it with his fearlessness, boldness, charm, cheekiness, confidence, and eventually hardwork to become one of them. His fearless nature is truly a sight to behold, it could take your breath away. He is the kind of guy who would jump over a cliff even if he doesn’t even know what he’s doing.

    It would have been really easy for Jake and Neytiri to fall for each other because they spend too much time together. While watching the movie, the Na’vis don’t seem to have the concept of personal space because they touch intimate body areas all the time like their chests, arms, and they invade someone’s personal space all the time. I mean even Tsu’tey touched Jake in his chest. Casually touching each other is essential cause in their tribe that’s what Seeing into someone truly means. avatar_2_posterThe people are close to each other because they have physical, emotional, and spiritual intimacy.

    Just like how Norm is trying to explain to Jake. When they say I See into you, it doesn’t mean I see you in front of me. Instead it’s saying I See INTO you. Which I will relate to what I said in my Intimacy post.

    Intimacy is INTO-ME-SEE. When you say I See you, I see into you physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

    In real life, you can also be close to someone physically, emotionally, and spiritually. But it takes a lot of work. It involves consistent transparency to each other, communication and quality time together.

    The other way is through meditation in a sacred or quiet place. Jaime T. Licauco, an authority in the Psi Phenomena and a Parapsychologist,  is a living proof to this event. He explained his experience in detail in one of his books. In his experience, he and a woman merge souls and they were able to see into each other’s past experiences, feelings, thoughts, and more.

    What is somehow good in Neytiri and Jake’s relationship is that before they became physically intimate, somehow they were able to get to know each other, and study to become intimate emotionally and spiritually. Which is essential in every relationship that ever existed. They became friends first, became familiar, and eventually fell in love.

    Just like in any other relationship, it’s the differences that draws you to each other more. And the more they spend time together, the more they adapt to each other’s personality, culture, beliefs, they even start to resemble each other and even copy each other’s mannerisms.

    Basing it from the *Principle of Completion, Jake and Neytiri made each other feel the key feeling they’ve been looking for. Even if Neytiri, wants nothing to do with him first, she eventually became a big supporter to him. And as for her, Jake appreciated Neytiri as a person and he let her be herself. And the most important thing he gave her is he somehow he returned some innocence in her because of Jake’s childish wonder. She lost that innocence when her sister died, and when she became the next Tsahik of the Omaticaya Clan.

    Jake and Neytiri are united not just by their similar goals to care and protect the clan, they are also brought together by their love, and by their spiritual relationship with the nature and their diety, Eywa. Eywa choose Jake for the Omaticaya, and also for Neytiri. Jake and Neytiri’s union was blessed by Eywa. 

    Do they have *chemistry?

    I think they have the *activity or *creative chemistry. After Jake bonded with his ikran, their relationship reached a different level because Jake is good at flying. And when two people enjoy the same things, their chemistry grows.

    Eventually as they got closer, *romantic chemistry happened. You can see it in the way they interact, their looks, touches, and body language.

    Due to their personalities compatibility and being able to bond with their queues, I can’t imagine their relationship ever diminishing in the years to come. Instead I expect it to grow more and I expect them as a couple who are one in mind, body, and soul. Of course, they have their own individuality. But they also have a natural affinity to each other which is already obvious before they even mated, and made the bond (tsaheylu, connecting their queues). Or am I expecting too much? They have a neural connection after all. I believed that they feel each other physically, emotionally, and spiritually aware of each other’s thoughts, feelings, and their past experiences.

    zoesaldanasamworthington62ndannualdirectorsxo33migqysvlThe effective and captivating relationship between Jake and Neytiri is also thanks to the actors Sam Worthington and Zoe Saldana. God! They really have a damn good chemistry. You can see it in the way they interact in their interviews. It’s fun and refreshing to watch them. You won’t get enough of them. I’ll even pay big money just to watch them host any show. Kidding. 😉 Don’t have that kind of money, but still. They’re really fun and entertaining to watch. When you have that kind of chemistry between two actors in your hands, there’s so much potential in a romantic story, and it would be easy to get away with any scene or story.

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    Due to my busy schedule since 2004, I hardly have time to explore on movies I like so I wasn’t aware of the planned sequels of Avatar. Last July, I saw Avatar a couple of times on Star Movies and it made me want to write a Relationship Analysis just because of the words, I See You. I wasn’t a big fan of Avatar the first time, but I’m already a big fan of James Cameron.

    So after seeing Avatar in a different light and a couple of times. It just grows in you. Of course, I’ll have to say that what James Cameron achieved with Titanic, Avatar and other movies is a stroke of genius that never ceases to amaze me and always captures my attention.

    I was hopeful for a sequel. And then last Sunday, as I was researching for this post, I only found out about the planned sequel, and the explanation why there are planned 4 sequels. I was ecstatic. I found out the sequels here. Click link for more details. I debated whether to continue this post or not, because I don’t write relationship analysis post for stories that are not done yet, just like what I did with Before Trilogy directed by John Carney.

    Now, I will repeat what I said in my twitter. I’m hopeful, skeptical, and a little excited.

    Hopeful that it will succeed. Even though I have a special love for The Hobbit, I wished that it won’t have the same flaws of The Hobbit trilogies. I wish that the story would be somehow original, unpredictable, and that they keep my attention to Jake and Neytiri’s relationship, and that they make their relationship consistent and improved.

    Considering that when it comes to love stories, James Cameron approach here and in Titanic is always life changing by someone who is lost or in a lifetime crisis. In Titanic, it was Rose who was somehow in a crisis. And Rose said that Jack saved him in all the way a person can be saved. I’m paraphrasing. In Avatar, it was Jake who was saved by Neytiri, but in the end, they both saved each other, and their whole clan which meant more.

     

    Relationship Analysis: Tauriel and Kili from The Hobbits

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    The Hobbits: Desolation of Smaug, I saw the movie parts a couple of times, but during those times, I’ve never seen any scene of Tauriel and Kili until two weeks ago. I was able to watch the whole movie. Then luckily, since The Hobbits is the movie of the month in Star Movies this October, they aired everything including the last installment, The Hobbits: Battle of the Five Armies. So I finally got to see what happens to Tauriel and Kili. Well, I know what’s already going to happen because I’ve read the books.

    Their romantic subplot captured my attention, but I told myself that I’m not going to write a relationship analysis between them because they have too few screentime together. I don’t know enough about their characters, let alone their lovemap. Yet here I am due to the numerous video interviews and reviews I’ve read about the movie. I somehow got the information I needed to make this post possible.

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    Tauriel and Kili’s relationship in the movie is a non-conventional love story or romantic subplot between an elf and a dwarf.

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    Tauriel is a low Silvan elf and a Captain of the Guards in Mirkwood. Her parents were murdered when she was young and Thranduil took care of her and raised her beside Legolas. Tauriel is played by Evangeline Lilly.

    handsome kiliKili is a the son of Dis, and nephew of Thorin Oakenshield, son of Thrain, son of Thror and he is supposedly the third in line crown prince of Durin. He grew up seeing Thorin as his father, uncle, and his king. He’s got a close relationship with his oldest brother, Fili. Kili is played by Aidan Turner.

    In the movie, he encountered Tauriel in the forest, when she saved his life. After that, he started flirting with her. The short relationship between Tauriel and Kili is just a romantic subplot or others are calling it as an emotional fodder for the audience. Aside from that, if you read the book, you will find out that it won’t make you feel so emotional. I love the book, especially The Silmarillion. It’s great. So their subplot is used to make the story more relatable to the audience. Well, whatever the other reasons for their subplot, I only care about the quality and the validity of their relationship to me.

    At first, you would think that it wasn’t love because they’ve only known each other for a very short time. Some even made a joke by using some screencaps in the scene where Tauriel healed Kili’s wound. Every time I remember this it just makes me laugh. The picture is blurry, but you can read it here.

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    If you read the book, there’s actually no way to tell that Tauriel and Kili only spent one time talking together in the Mirkwood’s cells, because in the books the dwarves were locked up for months. So if Tauriel established a friendship and a connection with Kili in one scene, she could have visited him and talked to him often which is an opening for them to fall for each other.

    Before anything else, let’s establish if there was love at first sight and if they fell in love in the movie:

    (1) In watching the scene where they met, Tauriel immediately made an impression to Kili. He gave her a look of incredulity and amazement. The second time they’ve met, he flirted with her, and her response was satisfactory to him. The third time they’ve met, he created an impression with her when he tried to fool her with the rune stone then he started talking about his mom. That’s saying a lot especially to Tauriel considering her upbringing. Her race was taught how dwarves only care about jewels and their gold, but here’s a guy talking about his promise to his mom says otherwise. And Kili was probably taught of the hatred of their race because Thranduil didn’t help them years ago, but Tauriel showed Kili otherwise.

    So from the start, there was something going on already. They only got to know each other deeper on their third meeting. So, yes, I’m pretty sure it was love at first sight, no matter how fast.

    (2) Their situation also showed that they fell in love with each other. They were in the position to fall in love with each other because they were vulnerable. According to Dr. Helen Fisher, people have the tendency to fall in love when they are vulnerable. There was a bounty on the heads of the Durin line, so Kili is practically a dead man walking.

    He almost died in the movie a couple of times and Tauriel saved him three times. Tauriel is also vulnerable at that time because she was trying to help the people of Laketown and especially when she got herself entangled with the dwarfs. She was drawn to Kili from the moment they met.

    If you want a summary of the second movie and the romantic moments, The Silver Petticoat Digest included Tauriel and Kili’s moment here.

    3) Also, Kili fell in love for Tauriel is because she saved his life more than once and she saved him too. It is one of the reasons people fall in love because we all have a damsel in distress part of us that dreams to be saved by a knight in shining armor. In their case, Kili is the damsel in distress until he returned the favor.

    4) Last but not the list, Dr. Helen Fisher also confirmed in her research that when someone fall for us, we also have the possibility to fall for them just because they fell for us. Kili took an interest on Tauriel and he showed her his emotions, and he shared his world to her, that’s some of the reasons for Tauriel to fall for him. He appreciated her for she is and he shared his world to her without their races’ prejudice.

    5) In the movie, it also supported Dr. Helen Fisher’s research from her book, Why We Love. As adversity intensifies, so does romantic passion. Adversity heightens passion, romance, and romantic zeal. Adversity stimulates romantic ardour. Adversity heightens pursuit, just as barriers intensify romantic passion.

    If you want to understand the Science of Love, the how’s and the why’s of love, you can buy it here and Lovesick by Frank Tallis.

    What are the adversities between Tauriel and Kili?

    • Since Tauriel is an elf, and Kili is a dwarf, their race actually forbids them to be together. Tauriel didn’t follow her King’s instructions. She killed the orcs and when she found Kili dying, she couldn’t leave him and ended up healing him. Another adversity here is before she had to choose between following Legolas or staying behind to heal Kili.
    • Also, since their connection is forbidden, it also creates feelings of excitement and novelty for creating a friendship or more between the characters. Their characters are both young, so they were probably drawn to each other due to their differences and worldview.
    • The dwarfs were about to be slaughtered in Ravenhill and Tauriel’s desperation to save Kili made her stopped King Thranduil  from leaving. She tried to stop her King, by aiming her arrow to him.
    • When Tauriel is being beaten by an orc, Kili ran to her side to save her.

    In the third movie, The Silver Petticoat also wrote the summary and the romantic moments between Tauriel and Kili here.

    I consider their romantic subplot as a relationship because:
    kili-and-tauriel– no matter how few the screentime of the actors, in the two movies, they were able to establish an effective chemistry between the characters in total five scenes. Three in the second movie, and two in the third movie. The best part is they didn’t even do so much in that screen time. It was very subtle, but it was very effective. I mean come on! They got my attention. If they have chemistry, I believe it’s romantic chemistry because of the commitment they had towards each other. They were drawn to each other whether they like it or not.  And *empowerment chemistry because they somehow made each other grow in seeing and understanding their different perspectives, upbringing, and beliefs.

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    Of course, it’s also thanks to the great chemistry offscreen the actors Evangeline and Aidan have. Whatever the kind of chemistry the actors have offscreen, it was very effective onscreen.

    • Based from my observation of the trilogy, interviews, and blog reviews, the characters’ personality have a high *compatibility.

    Tauriel is introverted, socially awkward, dominant, independent, competitive, she is her own person, she has a big heart to share to every soul in middle earth and not just her race, she is curious, rebellious, somehow inexperienced about life and the outside world, she loves the idea of freedom, traveling in different places, and experiencing the world. Her King raised her and trained her to be the best, and Kili gave her more reason to be more than just a Captain of the Guards in one realm.

    According to actress, Evangeline Lilly, “…And then as Kili enters her world, he opens up her heart and mind and her soul to the notion of innocence again. She sees innocence and purity in him, and she sees a spark of life that she hasn’t known since before her parents were killed, and it reminds her of the young elf that she maybe threw aside in her pain”. Through this, it shows how strong her lovemap came into play. Kili symbolized a part of herself she lost when her parents died.

    Kili is extroverted, adorable, charming, likable, audacious, cheeky, flirtatious, persistent, brave, reckless, young at heart, pure, innocent, experienced in the outside world, vocal and showy when it comes to his affections. They are two kindred souls who found each other by chance, no matter how different, some of their similarities pulled them together. Kili is called reckless by many, but ever since meeting Tauriel, she made him feel he can do anything.

    • Basing it from the *Principle of Completion, Tauriel and Kili made each other feel the key feeling they are looking for. Kili told Tauriel that she made him feel alive and he captured her attention when he shared his adventures with her. Tauriel is not very vocal, but you have to consider that she grew up in a place where people hardly show affection towards her and who controls the way she acts. Kili, on the other hand, adored and appreciated the person she is, let her act freely or he let her be herself and the best part about him is he shared his world and his adventure to her.
    • They became friends and so much more because of the *Intimacy that had formed in the second movie. Kili shared the rune stone that symbolizes his promise to his mom that he will return to her. When Tauriel shared the elves love of the Starlight, Kili shared his experience about the Firemoon that somehow impressed Tauriel.

    Take note when something bad happens, Thranduil locked up all his subjects in Mirkwood to protect them, they don’t help out. The only place Tauriel had been is in the forest, but she’d never been to other places.

    It may be just a subplot to the movie, but the producers and scriptwriters worked hard to establish Tauriel and Kili’s story because they even made a theme for them.

    Tauriel’s and Kili’s script from the second movie was used as the lyrics of the theme.

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    The lyrics are in two languages as you can see below, in Elvish and Khuzdul.

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    Below is the whole lyrics characters’ script in the 2nd movie. The first verse refers to Tauriel’s script and the second verse refers to Kili’s script. I agree that Howard Shore captured their romantic subplot perfectly through the theme and also with what the Silver Petticoat said in the blog. That Peter Jackson and his team of writers introduced a beautifully romantic story about two characters that unite as if through a poetic dream.

    Feast of Starlight

    The theme’s lyrics was written by Philippa Boyens and Howard Shore. The lyrics were translated by David Salo. This theme is based on concept of duality of two voices conversing, as represented by the flute and the oboe. The relationship theme here is between two cultures that traditionally don’t go together.

    This is how the theme was made and how it helped tell Tauriel and Kili’s theme. Watch below:

    Sad, but it was truly doomed from the start because in The Hobbits book, all the royal line of Durin will die because Dain is the one who will become The King Under The Mountain. It’s still beautiful in my eyes, no matter what.

    • Tauriel and Kili somehow had established a friendship and some familiarity in the movies because of what they shared in their conversation during the dwarves captivity in Mirkwood. Their friendship allowed them to see past each other’s differences and they were able to care for each other.
    • As for the *lovemap, it’s not just chemistry and compatibility that makes the characters match each other’s *lovemap, it’s also because of their upbringing. Different, but similar at the same time. Tauriel and Kili are both looking for something and somehow they were able to give each other that feeling.
    • I debated whether to share this or not, but Kili and Tauriel’s pairing as of now is one of the most ideal couple for me because the writers matched their chemistry, personality, and situation so well to the point that they seem to be twin flames as well. Twin flames is different from a soul mate. According to the literature is that twin flames are the people in our lives who we are going to meet from time to time and help us grow up. The problem is we’re going to be so attach to them to the point of wanting them desperately to become a part of our lives, but they will never belong to us or with us. My predicament here is that your twin soul can never be your soul mate at the same time, but Tauriel and Kili seemed to be soul mates. We expect them to be soul mates because Tauriel fell in love with Kili and elves fall in love only once or chooses only mate in their lifetime. If their mate dies, they fade. Tolkien had written how dwarfs, humans, and elves love and how they grieve.

    In reality, will this kind of relationship work considering their differences in race and height?

    Yes, I believe so, as long as they don’t let their differences get between them through communication and quality time together. The characters have great chemistry and some things in common, a compatible personality, they are somehow friends and intimate, and their upbringing makes them kindred souls. I can actually imagine Tauriel taming or could handle Kili’s recklessness and just like Evangeline said in her interview, Kili can crack Tauriel’s personality in return.

    As for their height difference, I actually know a couple who had more height complications than the characters did. Tauriel and Kili’s complicated height difference is nothing compared to this actress and her lover for years. The actress only stands 3 ft while her previous lover is 6 ft tall or more. I don’t know how they get intimate physically. They probably just do what their height allows them to do OR NOTHING… 😉 I’m not really sure what Tauriel and Kili’s height, but if I compare their pictures together to the actress and her lover, Tauriel and Kili can manage more and with lesser height problems.

    Below is  The Feast of Starlight by Howard Shore, Tauriel and Kili’s relationship theme. Enjoy!

    At the end of the movie, Lord of the Rings, I remembered Frodo giving Sam the book he and Bilbo wrote their adventures. So I am wishing that Peter Jackson will find a way to use that opportunity to make a movie again. Simply because I love watching the adventures in Middle Earth and I really hope to see Tauriel and Kili reunited. Maybe there’s another way to do that. Who knows, right?

    *Thus marked words are defined on this LINK.

    Tune in for my next relationship analysis. I love this couple, but it’s tragic. Next week, I promise to write about a movie with a happy ending.

    Or basing it on the fact that Tauriel and Kili are twin flames or twin souls, that’s why they didn’t end up together.

    Who Will Complete Me? : Understanding Compatibility

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    It is morning and you enter a crowded restaurant, pause and look around. Where should you sit? There are only two tables, each with a guy sitting across from and unoccupied chair.

    The guy on the left is wearing a crisp polo shirt and black slacks. He’s eating a Salad Niçoise slowly and keeps glancing at his phone. He has a maroon briefcase with a white cloth folded on top of it. He raises his gaze and sees you. He smiles and offers the other chair.

    The guy on the right is wearing a black shirt with a skull graphic in the center. He’s eating a Filet de Boeuf Sauce au Poivre. At his side is a black bag on the floor, but you can’t make out the shape. A worn copy of Carrie by Stephen King is on his table. He notices you when you come in, points to the chair in front of him and smiles.

    Who do you choose?

    It’s more important than just choosing where to sit for the morning.

    You make assumptions based on your impressions of each guy.

    What are those assumptions?

    What can you tell about their personalities?

    And more importantly, which of those personalities do you believe would best compliment you?

    We’ve all seen the Charmed and Before Sunrise, laughing at the idea of finding love through horoscopes, personalities and compatibility tests. But these play a huge role in the decisions we make about friendships, partnerships, and relationships whether we realize it or not. There’s no such thing as not compatible. There’s only more compatible couple and less compatible couple.

    In college, I had a friend whose personality was one-hundred percent the opposite of mine. Because of our differences, I shrugged her off countless times. I even promised myself that I’d never fall for a guy with the type of personality that my friend had. But eventually, she and I became very good friends. In fact, we’ve been the best of friends for almost ten years now.

    Despite our differences, we found tons of similarities with each other. We started to joke that our personalities are so compatible to the point that if one of us was a guy, we’d be getting married after college. I learned to laugh at our differences. I also learned that compatibility is much more than similarities or differences in our personality. Ever since then, my friend’s personality has become my criteria in dating guys and years later I accidentally fell for a guy who has the same personality as her.

    I’ve made unexpected discoveries about just how much compatibility plays a role in our day-to-day relationships with friends, family, and that special someone. My relationships have improved after applying what I learned from Personality Plus, a book by Florence Littauer about the four kinds of personalities. I’ve learned to understand people around me and easily read their personality. The book proved what I experienced with my college friend and the guy I eventually fell for.

    Many prominent people have been teaching men and women to find their right match and to coexist with people we don’t get along.

    And there are different ways that each categorizes and defines compatibility. Dr. Helen Fisher, the author and matchmaking consultant behind the dating website Chemistry.com, is focused on four temperaments to find dating compatibility.

    Florence Littauer, known for her book Personality Plus, and Nicholas Boothman, the force behind matchedopposites.com, both have their own definition of the four basic personality types for compatibility. Still, others base compatibility on astrology like Linda Goodman in her New York Times bestseller, Love Signs.

    Unfortunately, scientists and authors can’t always agree on an exact definition because it could be applied psychologically, astrologically and so many other ways.

    People are psychologically compatible when their way of thinking matches and when they have complementary traits, values, beliefs, hobbies, or experiences. But that is where astrology comes into play and since our psychology and the characteristic of our astrological sign often contradict each, the fine line between them is blurred.

    The personalities, temperaments and signs described in numerous books are very elaborate. They have different names and definitions, but they are all related. I’ve taken all the tests, studied the theories and experimented by applying them to people I know. I also had some of my friends take the test so I could compare the results.

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    What I’ve learned is that compatibility is the right combination of opposite qualities,  and similar hobbies, principles, values, direction and qualities that will help a romantic relationship to grow mature and last longer. We are all looking for a key feeling, not someone.

    We don‘t really fall for the guy, instead that guy complemented our personality by making us feel what we’ve been looking for. Compatibility serves the principle of completion. We need a certain feeling to be completed that is based on our personality.

    The same idea applies to friendship. I choose to be around people with whom I get along and those who share my hobbies, values, and principles. Even if we have different personalities and astrological signs, these traits are based on a lot of similarities. Our differences and similarities complement each other and complete us.

    Going back to the restaurant scenario, I’d choose the guy on the right because his choice of food might be an indication that he’s not that strict when it comes to his lifestyle. His black bag lying on the floor was a violin case and that complements my love of music and piano playing. We both loved reading mysteries and I enjoyed the book, the movie, and the musical, Carrie. These clues helped me make a quick decision about where I might like to enjoy my morning coffee.

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    Let me remind that yes, assumptions are not always right, but as people, it’s our nature to respond to something familiar. That is one way how a *lovemap works in people’s lives, through familiarity. That’s why abused people are prone in creating the same abusive relationships with other people.  That’s why women tend to fall for a guy who’s like their father, and vice versa. Familiarity.

    In the case above, I chose the one whom I feel more comfortable and familiar with. I can sit with the other guy eating Salad but in my mind, he seems too intimidating to me and it will pressure me to order something light. On the other hand, I can sit with the guy reading Carrie, at least in my mind, I can easily start a conversation with him and order something I’ll enjoy more. Or I can sit with other people who I might find less intimidating and more interesting. Now, that says a lot about my personality. How about you?

    We can fall in love with a person who we have little similarities, but if he gave us the feeling we’re looking for, and we also gave him that feeling, then it’s a done deal. Some people don’t choose the person they end up with based on a personality all the time, but because they made them feel complete. Find who you are more compatible with because people with compatible personalities don’t have to work as hard as people with less compatible personalities. So still, kudos to the couples who are so different, but they made it work. After all, no matter how big or little the similarities are, one of the important ways to make a relationship work and stand the test of time, is how a couple handles their differences.

    *Thusly marked words are defined on this LINK.

    Relationship Analysis: Love’s Kitchen

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    Love’s Kitchen is about Rob Haley (Dougray Scott), an up-and-coming chef and restaurateur in London, is grief-stricken when he loses his wife. With encouragement from his infamous friend and real life TV Chef Gordon Ramsay, Rob decides to spice up his life by turning a run-down country pub into a gourmet restaurant. His food catches the eye – and taste buds – of beautiful American food critic, Kate Templeton (Claire Forlani) and they soon both write a recipe for love that leaves both their hearts – and their stomachs – full.

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    How did the characters meet?

    Rob met Kate when he went to The Boot to inquire the owner if the place is still free.Kate is a food critic and a regular visitor of the place and she told the owner he shouldn’t sell it.

    Apparently, Rob has a strong dislike to food critics due to his previous experience before. So he immediately acted like a wounded jerk to her the moment they met.

    How the characters in the movie are attracted to each other?

    When Rob officially opened The Boot, an incident led Kate and Rob to start a deal that led to a friendship and something more.

    The attraction wasn’t apparent when they first met, the second time they encountered each other, that’s when they became friends and slowly got to know each other.

    Is it *love at first sight or just *lust at first sight?

    In the movie, it is not love at first sight or even lust because Rob is still hung up on his dead wife while Kate didn’t really showed interest in him.

    The way they see each other only changed when they started the deal and when Kate tasted the meals he made the second time around and his special trifle.

    Was there chemistry between the couple?

    What’s great about this couple for me is that their chemistry is a good balance between *intellectual, *sexual and *romantic chemistry.

    Intellectual because they connected through food.

    Romantic and sexual chemistry started to develop as Kate spends more time with him and his daughter, Michelle.

    If you read my relationship analysis posts all the time, you’ll notice that I didn’t go very specific with them.

    Why?

    When people are faking and forcing chemistry on screen, you can get very specific on how the couple tried to act like they have chemistry.

    But the chemistry here is so real and natural, it’s sexy subtle. Throw in a little trivia here, I’m probably wrong, but the main actors playing Rob (Dougray Scott) and Kate (Claire Forlani) is married in real life. I don’t know the whole story so if you’re curious, you can tell me about it.

    What is the man’s *lovemap? Is it healthy or not?

    The man’s lovemap became unhealthy after his wife died. He refuses to take risks in life. Aside from his wife’s accident, he’s deeply traumatized by the critic, he got that at first he refuses to take a risk on The Boot and getting publicity for The Boot.

    It was Kate who had changed things around him. She somehow influenced him to take risks and to resolve his issue with food critics.

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    My favorite dialog from him to Kate are:

    You’ve got to take risks once in a while.

    You reminded me of who I was and who I’m supposed to be and what I could be.

    Everything has changed because of you.

    What is the woman’s *lovemap? Is it healthy or not?

    Kate has a healthy lovemap because she is sensible, straightforward, mature, independent, responsible, dominant, proper, does the right thing and has a great sense of humor. Well, you might notice that I’m praising Kate so much, but she’s not perfect. She wasn’t brave enough to confess to Rob that she gave him a bad review years ago.

    The movie didn’t focus much on Kate, but if you watch her character. She is so well put together. Yes, she is also sarcastic at some point, which sometimes I find charming and annoying in some parts of the movie.

    The great thing about her is she influenced Rob in a big way and even her father. I love her conversation with her Dad when she told him that not everything is about him and how he had hurt her when he fooled around for a while.

    Does the relationship contribute to the growth of each person in the relationship?

    I’d say, Kate’s personality contributes a lot to Rob’s personality. In fact, in the movie, she may responsible for his failure, but it’s also her who did him a lot of favor.

    Do the personalities balance each other, complete each other, or makes them a good team?

    Yes. Rob is an introvert while Kate is the opposite. Kate is mature, responsible and a risk taker, but Rob sometimes needs a push to do things.

    As for Kate, Rob can tone her impulsiveness and her quick judgment at times.

    Are they capable of maintaining a long-lasting relationship?

    As long as Rob will stop acting like a bloody fool, a wounded failure, and a jerk. And as long as Kate will have a patience for him and continue giving him stability by being the traits I mentioned above then they will be fine.

    Why the relationship will work and last longer? Why not?

    The relationship will last because they are both open and straight to each other when it comes to their thoughts,  opinions, and actions.

    Well, if Rob acts like an immature, wounded failure and by bringing up the past, and if Kate loses her patience over him, then the relationship won’t even work.

    If you’re looking for a movie with foods that will feed your eyes and your taste, unfortunately, that’s not the focus of the movie, it’s the romance, personal growth, and healing. The movie has some bad reviews, but I don’t really care about them because what I care about is the quality of the relationships in movies. It’s a feel good movie with its own charm, funny moments and characters with some growing up lessons and second chances in love.

    What’s the point of having a cool plot, explosions, and expensive movie budgets, if the developed characters and relationships are crappy and actors are wrong for the characters? Right?

    *Thusly marked words are defined on this LINK.

    Relationship Analysis: Northern Lights

    Northern_Lights_2009_

    Northern Lights is a novel by Nora Roberts adapted to a movie in 2007. Nate Burns accepts a job as chief of police in Lunacy, Alaska, hoping to get away from the traumatic death of his partner back in Baltimore. He meets Meg, an independent bush pilot, whose father is found dead in a mountain cave.

    book_vs_movie_northernlight

    Let me first make a statement that I won’t factor in what probably went on behind the scenes because I don’t want to emphasize  or glamorize it. But it might have/ might not contribute to the relationship of the characters in the movie.

    Was it love at first sight?

    I haven’t read the book yet, but what a way to build up tension and emotion between the characters. Yes, there’s love at first, and second sight before they finally met. It was captivating and magical to watch.

    Is there chemistry between the couple?

    There was * sexual chemistry the moment the couple laid eyes on each other and just every time they were together. It was just sizzling between them.

    Yes, there’s also * intellectual chemistry with the way the couple engages on their verbal spar.

    The actors who played the characters has a great chemistry and compatibility. Those roles were truly made for them. They were perfect for the roles.

    Did the couple’s personalities balance, and complete each other and makes them a good team?

    Nate seemed to be passive introvert which matches Meg’s extroverted and straightforwardness.

    In such a short time, the couple somehow bonded and slowly got to know each other. Their relationship in the movie would seem fast phase, but not necessarily. Instead, their interactions together and working together comes out naturally.  

     

    Does the relationship contribute to the growth of each person in the relationship?

    Nate and Meg brought out the best in each other. It helps that Meg is so straightforward and she tells him what she thinks of him, she taught him different perspectives, and how things seem to other people’s eyes.

    What is the man’s *lovemap? Is it a healthy lovemap or not?

    Nate has an unhealthy lovemap due to his past relationship. His ex-wife cheated on him. Aside from that, he’s got an issue because he believes his partner died because of him. It’s normal for him to think that way, but it’s an unhealthy thought because he wasn’t the one who shot his partner.

    I did love the part about him where he didn’t flirt with other women, he only did his job, and he only had eyes for Meg. He wasn’t a jerk to the other women on the show, despite them showing interest toward him.

    What is the woman’s *lovemap? Is it a healthy lovemap or not?

    Meg has an unhealthy lovemap because of her mom’s influence and because she grew up believing that her Dad left them.

    While her mom sleeps around and never gets serious with any guy she meets. Meg is scared to fall in love  because she’s afraid that the guy might leave her too.

    There’s a scene where she asked her mom, how could she love her Dad, despite everything, but her mom just answered, it was true love and she gave her heart to her Dad. Once you find that kind of love, you never let it go.

    Another great scene with her mom is when she asked Meg if she loves Nate, and Meg said yes. Her mom gave her an advice, “Then marry him and hold on to that feeling for the rest of your life. Hold on to it hard.”

    And in return, Meg pushed her mom to take a chance on John. A guy who’s always been in love with Meg’s mom.

    Despite their issues, finding out Pat’s (Meg’s dad and Charlene’s husband) death, brought closure to Charlene and Meg and helped fix their relationship.

    Meg is a commitment phobic and stays away from guys, but she can’t resist Nate’s connection with her. In fact, she’s very selective with her interactions with other guys.

    How lovemap plays in the couples’ lives?

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    We know that Nate has a healthy lovemap, but he’s got an issue with this past regarding his partner, but Meg told him that he can’t live his life that way, that he can’t run away. She also convinced him to talk to his partner’s ex-wife and when he did, he finally fixed his issue and it let him have a fresh start in his life with her. Meg is a strong force for Nate, she encouraged him to make a decision and to fight hard for what he wants and loves to do in his life.

    Now, as for Meg, Nate is a catalyst in her life. Meg has been already a strong and independent woman, but she found a guy who is interested in her, who is concerned for her and her well-being, someone who  can be a source of strength for her and a sounding board for her thoughts, and concerns. He gave her stability, security, and commitment. So he also set her lovemap right. At the same time, he somehow helped heal Charlene and Meg’s relationship.

    Here’s a review from someone who have read the book and watched the movie.

    Despite what went on behind the scenes, like she said, read the book and watch the movie. It’s a great simple story.

    *Thusly marked words are defined on this LINK