What does it mean to be committed in a romantic relationship?
There are many definitions for commitment and below is one.
A Committed Relationship is an interpersonal relationship based upon a mutually agreed-upon commitment to one another involving exclusivity, love, trust, honesty, openness, or some other agreed-upon behavior.
I want to emphasize the words:
Exclusivity
Love is an emotion, a feeling. But when it comes to commitment it is a choice. A choice on who to settle with, who to spend the rest of your life with.
Trust
Honesty in Commitment is being transparent with each other. A matter of self disclosure, but it depends on the couple and it depends on the type of relationship.
Openness to each other is being able to listen, accept, and respect each other’s differing opinions, point of view, and eccentricity.
Behavior Agreed On – In a relationship, there are certain behaviors or attitudes we won’t agree or tolerate. We won’t change their personality, but just like in raising a child, we ignore or discourage the wrongful actions, and we award or acknowledge the right ones.
Commitment means differently with couples who are dating, being in a relationship, engaged, married, and are living together.
Dating – You can be exclusive or you are both free to see other people. At this time, the couple is just getting to know each other and are adjusting to each other’s differences, and similarities. The tolerance is very high because it’s new and there’s a flood of endorphins that makes us happy, and serotonin that makes us think of them all the time. Until those chemicals are replaced by attachment and bonding hormones.
Being in a relationship – It depends on the type of relationship you have. In this relationship the couple involved have personal and emotional intimacy, friendship, and familiarity, and the commitment to each other or more. It’s a case to case basis because the arrangement depends on the couple.
Engaged – Promised to be married in a later or future date. The couple here had dated for years and are now ready to spend their lives together under the same roof. The relationship is exclusive and he or she should not see or date anyone else.
Married – The couple at this point had compromised some things in their life to make the relationship work and keep it. The couple is now ready to take the next level which is to start a new family, provided they are already financially established, and both can now provide for their future children.
Common Law Marriage – Also known as couples who had lived together. Apparently there are two kinds of couples here. They have the same benefits of a marriage couple, but some couples are living together but have a different type or arrangement in a relationship.
a) Couple who are just trying if a relationship between each other will work for them.
b) Couple are ready to take the next level, but have decided to wait to save money.
Before making a commitment, a couple needs to know what is a commitment and what it is to them. Because along those commitment are choices that they are willing to make, to make the commitment, and to keep it for a long time.
You also need to define the commitment.
Are you just curious to be in a relationship?
Is it Casual?
Are you committed?
You also need to ask yourself.
Is he capable of giving you what you want in a relationship?
Is he the person you want to get involve with or be with for the rest of your life?
Do you share similar expectations for the relationship? same future goals?
Are you currently involved with someone who has the potential to be a healthy partner?
When a person can’t commit, it could be because:
He is not ready to be committed
He hasn’t found the person he can see himself with for a long time
His fear of commitment or his problem comitting might come from a bad experience or from his parents and/ or upbringing
In a relationship there are two definitions of commitment that are important and helps in making a couple make the commitment and keep it. Your definition and his definition. If that definition doesn’t match, then there’s going to be a problem.
If a couple makes a commitment, they are sacrificing something, but are also gaining something.
You will both promise to do everything in your power to make it work and not just end up like the other couples on TV who cheated, who got divorced or annulled.
I have nothing against them, getting divorced or annulled, but when you have a relationship, they should never be an option when you get married.
A couple before getting into a serious relationship or in a committed relationship, they should consider that you will both undergo changes in life and you can bet that both of you will grow and mature, but you can also change for the worst. The couple needs to be ready for those changes, and to battle the problems together that will come along the way. You don’t fix that by texting or calling. Do that face to face to prevent more misunderstandings.
Those unmatched qualities or differences that attracted you in the beginning of your relationship can also be the reason for both of you to push each other to change or mold them into someone you want or imagined them to be. That is a big No-no. That is why from the start, you don’t get married because you are meant to be, because you have chemistry, but because the qualities and personalities you have is a right balance of like attract likes and opposite qualities. You get married because they make you feel complete. You get married because you want to see yourself with them after so many years.
Their set of qualities, differences, and personality, balances or completes your set of qualities, differences, and personality.
In a commitment, you trust each other to be loyal, faithful, honest, and to both work hard on making and keeping the commitment last.
Furthermore, communication plays a big role in commitments. You need to communicate the definition or status of your relationship, and where and what is your take in your relationship and commitment with him.
If everything is clear between the two of you, then heartaches, disappointments, wasted feelings, and wasted time can be prevented.
A couple is expected to build a mature relationship through commitment. If you can’t commit, you shouldn’t be in a relationship.
A committed relationship is:
A relationship is about your commitment to each other, while you consider each other’s welfare.
See some more quotes about relationship commitment below:
The Best of Me is an American romantic drama film directed byMichael Hoffman and written by Will Fetters and J. Mills Goodloe, based on Nicholas Sparks’ 2011 novel of the same name. The film stars James Marsden and Michelle Monaghan with Luke Bracey and Liana Liberato.
First, I just need to get this out of my system. What is it with tragic love stories and stars?
I promised you last week that I’m going to write about a movie with a happy ending. Because I’ll admit that I still can’t move on from Tauriel and Kili’s love story. I’m at least glad that there’s closure for both characters in the Best Of Me.
I always love Nicholas Sparks works ever since I read The Wedding. That’s the story that made me buy and read his work, but he broke my heart when he wrote Dear John and I was/ am also brokenhearted so I stayed away from love stories for a while.
When I saw the Best Of Me novels, I was excited to read it and watch it. Another reason I love Best of Me is because I’ve always loved Liana Liberato and Michelle Monaghan.
The reason I chose it because I’ve always thought it was a happy ending and I’m having a really hard time writing an analysis for the movie I chose for this week.
My analysis for the story is somehow split because I love the chemistry of the adult actors, but I wasn’t feeling it between the younger actors, but it was nice seeing the flashbacks. It gave me insights on their relationship.
In the movie, Amanda is the one with an outgoing, straightforward, kind, and bubbly personality. She’s also determined and passionate for children since she plans to major in child psychology and public policy.
While Dawson is shy, doesn’t know how to talk or flirt with a girl, respectful, hardworking, studious, introverted, passive, abusive upbringing, and he likes the stars. He shared his interest in the stars when he said that humans have always looked up to the stars for consulting and that he made his own telescope.
With those descriptions between two characters, you can sense right away that they have chemistry. They are a complete opposite of each other and that’s what’s pulling their characters together.
My favorite scene here is when they were talking as adults and Amanda said that it’s dangerous for them then she complained how he didn’t get ugly or something. It was great. I can’t ignore the sizzling tension between the characters.
Friendship, intimacy, and security somehow go hand in hand between Amanda and Dawson because they were able to share parts of their lives right away with each other.On the part where she confronted him for making her wait, showing her his bruises, and getting to know each other in the water tank.
As for love, as time goes by, the friendship grew into something more.
When Dawson got shot, I was shocked, but what made me cry is when he fell, and the last thing he saw were the stars.
It reminded me of their last goodbye ever since their reunion.
One of the things he said:
“I’m gonna trust in the stars,” He said that because he considered their reunion as a second chance for them to fix the things they’ve left behind. It provided closure for both them and declaration of love after all these years. It’s my second favorite scene.
In fact, he was hoping that the universe will realign the stars for them and things will fall into place for them. And when he closed his eyes, he saw Amanda in the garden in Tuck’s house.
In the movie, I don’t remember where Dawson’s mom is, but that’s how lovemap came into play in his life. Somehow Amanda also took cared of him the way a mom should. As for Amanda, she has a privileged upbringing, but when Dawson came into her life, just by existing, he made the best version of herself.
This is an incredible movie because at the same time, they also tried to establish how the characters Amanda and Dawson were fated to each other.
First is when they were younger. Amanda asked Tuck if he believes in fate or destiny. Instead, he shared a part of his love story with his wife which says that he believed in coincidences and faith. At that time, Dawson refused to believe any of it.
When Dawson had an accident where the explosion threw him in the water, he dreamed of Amanda then after waking up, he got a call about Tuck. That’s what made him believe that somehow it led him to find her again.
Due to the hardships and loneliness, Amanda experienced, she became scared and believed that fate and destiny are not real.
And when he died, yes, he saw the stars. He closed his eyes, and he saw his dream again in the hospital. And that scene where everything made sense.
I truly believe that there’s an endless love, but unfortunately, it’s not just for the characters somehow. Even if Dawson died, a part of Dawson will somehow always be with Amanda.
It’s still a great movie, with a very interesting twist and I still recommend it.
The Hobbits: Desolation of Smaug, I saw the movie parts a couple of times, but during those times, I’ve never seen any scene of Tauriel and Kili until two weeks ago. I was able to watch the whole movie. Then luckily, since The Hobbits is the movie of the month in Star Movies this October, they aired everything including the last installment, The Hobbits: Battle of the Five Armies. So I finally got to see what happens to Tauriel and Kili. Well, I know what’s already going to happen because I’ve read the books.
Their romantic subplot captured my attention, but I told myself that I’m not going to write a relationship analysis between them because they have too few screentime together. I don’t know enough about their characters, let alone their lovemap. Yet here I am due to the numerous video interviews and reviews I’ve read about the movie. I somehow got the information I needed to make this post possible.
Tauriel and Kili’s relationship in the movie is a non-conventional love story or romantic subplot between an elf and a dwarf.
Tauriel is a low Silvan elf and a Captain of the Guards in Mirkwood. Her parents were murdered when she was young and Thranduil took care of her and raised her beside Legolas. Tauriel is played by Evangeline Lilly.
Kili is a the son of Dis, and nephew of Thorin Oakenshield, son of Thrain, son of Thror and he is supposedly the third in line crown prince of Durin. He grew up seeing Thorin as his father, uncle, and his king. He’s got a close relationship with his oldest brother, Fili. Kili is played by Aidan Turner.
In the movie, he encountered Tauriel in the forest, when she saved his life. After that, he started flirting with her. The short relationship between Tauriel and Kili is just a romantic subplot or others are calling it as an emotional fodder for the audience. Aside from that, if you read the book, you will find out that it won’t make you feel so emotional. I love the book, especially The Silmarillion. It’s great. So their subplot is used to make the story more relatable to the audience. Well, whatever the other reasons for their subplot, I only care about the quality and the validity of their relationship to me.
At first, you would think that it wasn’t love because they’ve only known each other for a very short time. Some even made a joke by using some screencaps in the scene where Tauriel healed Kili’s wound. Every time I remember this it just makes me laugh. The picture is blurry, but you can read it here.
If you read the book, there’s actually no way to tell that Tauriel and Kili only spent one time talking together in the Mirkwood’s cells, because in the books the dwarves were locked up for months. So if Tauriel established a friendship and a connection with Kili in one scene, she could have visited him and talked to him often which is an opening for them to fall for each other.
Before anything else, let’s establish if there was love at first sight and if they fell in love in the movie:
(1) In watching the scene where they met, Tauriel immediately made an impression to Kili. He gave her a look of incredulity and amazement. The second time they’ve met, he flirted with her, and her response was satisfactory to him. The third time they’ve met, he created an impression with her when he tried to fool her with the rune stone then he started talking about his mom. That’s saying a lot especially to Tauriel considering her upbringing. Her race was taught how dwarves only care about jewels and their gold, but here’s a guy talking about his promise to his mom says otherwise. And Kili was probably taught of the hatred of their race because Thranduil didn’t help them years ago, but Tauriel showed Kili otherwise.
So from the start, there was something going on already. They only got to know each other deeper on their third meeting. So, yes, I’m pretty sure it was love at first sight, no matter how fast.
(2) Their situation also showed that they fell in love with each other. They were in the position to fall in love with each other because they were vulnerable. According to Dr. Helen Fisher, people have the tendency to fall in love when they are vulnerable. There was a bounty on the heads of the Durin line, so Kili is practically a dead man walking.
He almost died in the movie a couple of times and Tauriel saved him three times. Tauriel is also vulnerable at that time because she was trying to help the people of Laketown and especially when she got herself entangled with the dwarfs. She was drawn to Kili from the moment they met.
If you want a summary of the second movie and the romantic moments, The Silver Petticoat Digest included Tauriel and Kili’s moment here.
3) Also, Kili fell in love for Tauriel is because she saved his life more than once and she saved him too. It is one of the reasons people fall in love because we all have a damsel in distress part of us that dreams to be saved by a knight in shining armor. In their case, Kili is the damsel in distress until he returned the favor.
4) Last but not the list, Dr. Helen Fisher also confirmed in her research that when someone fall for us, we also have the possibility to fall for them just because they fell for us. Kili took an interest on Tauriel and he showed her his emotions, and he shared his world to her, that’s some of the reasons for Tauriel to fall for him. He appreciated her for she is and he shared his world to her without their races’ prejudice.
5) In the movie, it also supported Dr. Helen Fisher’s research from her book, Why We Love. As adversity intensifies, so does romantic passion. Adversity heightens passion, romance, and romantic zeal. Adversity stimulates romantic ardour. Adversity heightens pursuit, just as barriers intensify romantic passion.
If you want to understand the Science of Love, the how’s and the why’s of love, you can buy it here and Lovesick by Frank Tallis.
What are the adversities between Tauriel and Kili?
Since Tauriel is an elf, and Kili is a dwarf, their race actually forbids them to be together. Tauriel didn’t follow her King’s instructions. She killed the orcs and when she found Kili dying, she couldn’t leave him and ended up healing him. Another adversity here is before she had to choose between following Legolas or staying behind to heal Kili.
Also, since their connection is forbidden, it also creates feelings of excitement and novelty for creating a friendship or more between the characters. Their characters are both young, so they were probably drawn to each other due to their differences and worldview.
The dwarfs were about to be slaughtered in Ravenhill and Tauriel’s desperation to save Kili made her stopped King Thranduil from leaving. She tried to stop her King, by aiming her arrow to him.
When Tauriel is being beaten by an orc, Kili ran to her side to save her.
In the third movie, The Silver Petticoat also wrote the summary and the romantic moments between Tauriel and Kili here.
I consider their romantic subplot as a relationship because: – no matter how few the screentime of the actors, in the two movies, they were able to establish an effective chemistry between the characters in total five scenes. Three in the second movie, and two in the third movie. The best part is they didn’t even do so much in that screen time. It was very subtle, but it was very effective. I mean come on! They got my attention. If they have chemistry, I believe it’s romantic chemistry because of the commitment they had towards each other. They were drawn to each other whether they like it or not. And *empowerment chemistry because they somehow made each other grow in seeing and understanding their different perspectives, upbringing, and beliefs.
Of course, it’s also thanks to the great chemistry offscreen the actors Evangeline and Aidan have. Whatever the kind of chemistry the actors have offscreen, it was very effective onscreen.
Based from my observation of the trilogy, interviews, and blog reviews, the characters’ personality have a high *compatibility.
Tauriel is introverted, socially awkward, dominant, independent, competitive, she is her own person, she has a big heart to share to every soul in middle earth and not just her race, she is curious, rebellious, somehow inexperienced about life and the outside world, she loves the idea of freedom, traveling in different places, and experiencing the world. Her King raised her and trained her to be the best, and Kili gave her more reason to be more than just a Captain of the Guards in one realm.
According to actress, Evangeline Lilly, “…And then as Kili enters her world, he opens up her heart and mind and her soul to the notion of innocence again. She sees innocence and purity in him, and she sees a spark of life that she hasn’t known since before her parents were killed, and it reminds her of the young elf that she maybe threw aside in her pain”. Through this, it shows how strong her lovemap came into play. Kili symbolized a part of herself she lost when her parents died.
Kili is extroverted, adorable, charming, likable, audacious, cheeky, flirtatious, persistent, brave, reckless, young at heart, pure, innocent, experienced in the outside world, vocal and showy when it comes to his affections. They are two kindred souls who found each other by chance, no matter how different, some of their similarities pulled them together. Kili is called reckless by many, but ever since meeting Tauriel, she made him feel he can do anything.
Basing it from the *Principle of Completion, Tauriel and Kili made each other feel the key feeling they are looking for. Kili told Tauriel that she made him feel alive and he captured her attention when he shared his adventures with her. Tauriel is not very vocal, but you have to consider that she grew up in a place where people hardly show affection towards her and who controls the way she acts. Kili, on the other hand, adored and appreciated the person she is, let her act freely or he let her be herself and the best part about him is he shared his world and his adventure to her.
They became friends and so much more because of the *Intimacy that had formed in the second movie. Kili shared the rune stone that symbolizes his promise to his mom that he will return to her. When Tauriel shared the elves love of the Starlight, Kili shared his experience about the Firemoon that somehow impressed Tauriel.
Take note when something bad happens, Thranduil locked up all his subjects in Mirkwood to protect them, they don’t help out. The only place Tauriel had been is in the forest, but she’d never been to other places.
It may be just a subplot to the movie, but the producers and scriptwriters worked hard to establish Tauriel and Kili’s story because they even made a theme for them.
Tauriel’s and Kili’s script from the second movie was used as the lyrics of the theme.
The lyrics are in two languages as you can see below, in Elvish and Khuzdul.
Below is the whole lyrics characters’ script in the 2nd movie. The first verse refers to Tauriel’s script and the second verse refers to Kili’s script. I agree that Howard Shore captured their romantic subplot perfectly through the theme and also with what the Silver Petticoat said in the blog. That Peter Jackson and his team of writers introduced a beautifully romantic story about two characters that unite as if through a poetic dream.
The theme’s lyrics was written by Philippa Boyens and Howard Shore. The lyrics were translated by David Salo. This theme is based on concept of duality of two voices conversing, as represented by the flute and the oboe. The relationship theme here is between two cultures that traditionally don’t go together.
This is how the theme was made and how it helped tell Tauriel and Kili’s theme. Watch below:
Sad, but it was truly doomed from the start because in The Hobbits book, all the royal line of Durin will die because Dain is the one who will become The King Under The Mountain. It’s still beautiful in my eyes, no matter what.
Tauriel and Kili somehow had established a friendship and some familiarity in the movies because of what they shared in their conversation during the dwarves captivity in Mirkwood. Their friendship allowed them to see past each other’s differences and they were able to care for each other.
As for the *lovemap, it’s not just chemistry and compatibility that makes the characters match each other’s *lovemap, it’s also because of their upbringing. Different, but similar at the same time. Tauriel and Kili are both looking for something and somehow they were able to give each other that feeling.
I debated whether to share this or not, but Kili and Tauriel’s pairing as of now is one of the most ideal couple for me because the writers matched their chemistry, personality, and situation so well to the point that they seem to be twin flames as well. Twin flames is different from a soul mate. According to the literature is that twin flames are the people in our lives who we are going to meet from time to time and help us grow up. The problem is we’re going to be so attach to them to the point of wanting them desperately to become a part of our lives, but they will never belong to us or with us. My predicament here is that your twin soul can never be your soul mate at the same time, but Tauriel and Kili seemed to be soul mates. We expect them to be soul mates because Tauriel fell in love with Kili and elves fall in love only once or chooses only mate in their lifetime. If their mate dies, they fade. Tolkien had written how dwarfs, humans, and elves love and how they grieve.
In reality, will this kind of relationship work considering their differences in race and height?
Yes, I believe so, as long as they don’t let their differences get between them through communication and quality time together. The characters have great chemistry and some things in common, a compatible personality, they are somehow friends and intimate, and their upbringing makes them kindred souls. I can actually imagine Tauriel taming or could handle Kili’s recklessness and just like Evangeline said in her interview, Kili can crack Tauriel’s personality in return.
As for their height difference, I actually know a couple who had more height complications than the characters did. Tauriel and Kili’s complicated height difference is nothing compared to this actress and her lover for years. The actress only stands 3 ft while her previous lover is 6 ft tall or more. I don’t know how they get intimate physically. They probably just do what their height allows them to do OR NOTHING… 😉 I’m not really sure what Tauriel and Kili’s height, but if I compare their pictures together to the actress and her lover, Tauriel and Kili can manage more and with lesser height problems.
Below is The Feast of Starlight by Howard Shore, Tauriel and Kili’s relationship theme. Enjoy!
At the end of the movie, Lord of the Rings, I remembered Frodo giving Sam the book he and Bilbo wrote their adventures. So I am wishing that Peter Jackson will find a way to use that opportunity to make a movie again. Simply because I love watching the adventures in Middle Earth and I really hope to see Tauriel and Kili reunited. Maybe there’s another way to do that. Who knows, right?
There are many definitions for commitment and below is one.
A Committed Relationship is an interpersonal relationship based upon a mutually agreed-upon commitment to one another involving exclusivity, love, trust, honesty, openness, or some other agreed-upon behavior.
You also need to define the commitment.
Kili is a the son of Dis, and nephew of Thorin Oakenshield, son of Thrain, son of Thror and he is supposedly the third in line crown prince of Durin. He grew up seeing Thorin as his father, uncle, and his king. He’s got a close relationship with his oldest brother, Fili. Kili is played by Aidan Turner.
– no matter how few the screentime of the actors, in the two movies, they were able to establish an effective chemistry between the characters in total five scenes. Three in the second movie, and two in the third movie. The best part is they didn’t even do so much in that screen time. It was very subtle, but it was very effective. I mean come on! They got my attention. If they have chemistry, I believe it’s romantic chemistry because of the commitment they had towards each other. They were drawn to each other whether they like it or not. And *empowerment chemistry because they somehow made each other grow in seeing and understanding their different perspectives, upbringing, and beliefs.
Miss Cassiopeia 
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