Significance of Commitment

What does it mean to be committed in a romantic relationship?

commitmentThere are many definitions for commitment and below is one.

imagesA Committed Relationship is an interpersonal relationship based upon a mutually agreed-upon commitment to one another involving exclusivity, love, trust, honesty, openness, or some other agreed-upon behavior.

I want to emphasize the words:

Exclusivity

Love is an emotion, a feeling. But when it comes to commitment it is a choice. A choice on who to settle with, who to spend the rest of your life with.

Trust

Honesty in Commitment is being transparent with each other. A matter of self disclosure, but it depends on the couple and it depends on the type of relationship.

Openness to each other is being able to listen, accept, and respect each other’s differing opinions, point of view, and eccentricity.

Behavior Agreed On – In a relationship, there are certain behaviors or attitudes we won’t agree or tolerate. We won’t change their personality, but just like in raising a child, we ignore or discourage the wrongful actions, and we award or acknowledge the right ones.

Commitment means differently with couples who are dating, being in a relationship, engaged, married, and are living together.

  1. Dating – You can be exclusive or you are both free to see other people. At this time, the couple is just getting to know each other and are adjusting to each other’s differences, and similarities. The tolerance is very high because it’s new and there’s a flood of endorphins that makes us happy, and serotonin that makes us think of them all the time. Until those chemicals are replaced by attachment and bonding hormones.
  2. Being in a relationship – It depends on the type of relationship you have. In this relationship the couple involved have personal and emotional intimacy, friendship, and familiarity, and the commitment to each other or more. It’s a case to case basis because the arrangement depends on the couple.

  3. Engaged – Promised to be married in a later or future date. The couple here had dated for years and are now ready to spend their lives together under the same roof. The relationship is exclusive and he or she should not see or date anyone else.

  4. Married – The couple at this point had compromised some things in their life to make the relationship work and keep it. The couple is now ready to take the next level which is to start a new family, provided they are already financially established, and both can now provide for their future children.

  5. Common Law Marriage – Also known as couples who had lived together. Apparently there are two kinds of couples here. They have the same benefits of a marriage couple, but some couples are living together but have a different type or arrangement in a relationship.

a) Couple who are just trying if a relationship between each other will work for them.

b) Couple are ready to take the next level, but have decided to wait to save money.

Before making a commitment, a couple needs to know what is a commitment and what it is to them. Because along those commitment are choices that they are willing to make, to make the commitment, and to keep it for a long time.

downloadYou also need to define the commitment.

Are you just curious to be in a relationship?

Is it Casual?

Are you committed?

You also need to ask yourself.

Is he capable of giving you what you want in a relationship?

Is he the person you want to get involve with or be with for the rest of your life?

Do you share similar expectations for the relationship? same future goals? 

Are you currently involved with someone who has the potential to be a healthy partner?

When a person can’t commit, it could be because:

  • He is not ready to be committed
  • He hasn’t found the person he can see himself with for a long time

  • His fear of commitment or his problem comitting might come from a bad experience or from his parents and/ or upbringing

  • In a relationship there are two definitions of commitment that are important and helps in making a couple make the commitment and keep it. Your definition and his definition. If that definition doesn’t match, then there’s going to be a problem.

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    If a couple makes a commitment, they are sacrificing something, but are also gaining something.

    You will both promise to do everything in your power to make it work and not just end up like the other couples on TV who cheated, who got divorced or annulled.

    I have nothing against them, getting divorced or annulled, but when you have a relationship, they should never be an option when you get married.

    A couple before getting into a serious relationship or in a committed relationship, they should consider that you will both undergo changes in life and you can bet that both of you will grow and mature, but you can also change for the worst. The couple needs to be ready for those changes, and to battle the problems together that will come along the way. You don’t fix that by texting or calling. Do that face to face to prevent more misunderstandings.

    Those unmatched qualities or differences that attracted you in the beginning of your relationship can also be the reason for both of you to push each other to change or mold them into someone you want or imagined them to be. That is a big No-no.  That is why from the start, you don’t get married because you are meant to be, because you have chemistry, but because the qualities and personalities you have is a right balance of like attract likes and opposite qualities. You get married because they make you feel complete. You get married because you want to see yourself with them after so many years.

    Their set of qualities, differences, and personality, balances or completes your set of qualities, differences, and personality.

    In a commitment, you trust each other to be loyal, faithful, honest, and to both work hard on making and keeping the commitment last.

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    Furthermore, communication plays a big role in commitments. You need to communicate the definition or status of your relationship, and where and what is your take in your relationship and commitment with him.

    If everything is clear between the two of you, then heartaches, disappointments, wasted feelings, and wasted time can be prevented.

     

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    A couple is expected to build a mature relationship through commitment. If you can’t commit, you shouldn’t be in a relationship.

     

     

     

     

     

    A committed relationship is:

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    A relationship is about your commitment to each other, while you consider each other’s welfare.

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    See some more quotes about relationship commitment below:

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    Relationship Analysis: Best Of Me

    ~ S  P  O  I  L  E  R    A  L  E  R  T ~

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    The Best of Me is an American romantic drama film directed byMichael Hoffman and written by Will Fetters and J. Mills Goodloe, based on Nicholas Sparks’ 2011 novel of the same name. The film stars James Marsden and Michelle Monaghan with Luke Bracey and Liana Liberato.

    First, I just need to get this out of my system. What is it with tragic love stories and stars?

    I promised you last week that I’m going to write about a movie with a happy ending. Because I’ll admit that I still can’t move on from Tauriel and Kili’s love story. I’m at least glad that there’s closure for both characters in the Best Of Me.

    I always love Nicholas Sparks works ever since I read The Wedding. That’s the story that made me buy and read his work, but he broke my heart when he wrote Dear John and I was/ am also brokenhearted so I stayed away from love stories for a while.

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    When I saw the Best Of Me novels, I was excited to read it and watch it. Another reason I love Best of Me is because I’ve always loved Liana Liberato and Michelle Monaghan.

    The reason I chose it because I’ve always thought it was a happy ending and I’m having a really hard time writing an analysis for the movie I chose for this week.

    My analysis for the story is somehow split because I love the chemistry of the adult actors, but I wasn’t feeling it between the younger actors, but it was nice seeing the flashbacks. It gave me insights on their relationship.

    In the movie, Amanda is the one with an outgoing, straightforward, kind, and bubbly personality. She’s also determined and passionate for children since she plans to major in child psychology and public policy.

    While Dawson is shy, doesn’t know how to talk or flirt with a girl, respectful, hardworking, studious, introverted, passive, abusive upbringing,  and he likes the stars. He shared his interest in the stars when he said that humans have always looked up to the stars for consulting and that he made his own telescope.

    With those descriptions between two characters, you can sense right away that they have chemistry. They are a complete opposite of each other and that’s what’s pulling their characters together.

    My favorite scene here is when they were talking as adults and Amanda said that it’s dangerous for them then she complained how he didn’t get ugly or something. It was great. I can’t ignore the sizzling tension between the characters.

    Friendship, intimacy, and security somehow go hand in hand between Amanda and Dawson because they were able to share parts of their lives right away with each other. On the part where she confronted him for making her wait, showing her his bruises, and getting to know each other in the water tank.

    As for love, as time goes by, the friendship grew into something more.

    When Dawson got shot, I was shocked, but what made me cry is when he fell, and the last thing he saw were the stars.

    It reminded me of their last goodbye ever since their reunion.

    One of the things he said:

    “I’m gonna trust in the stars,” He said that because he considered their reunion as a second chance for them to fix the things they’ve left behind. It provided closure for both them and declaration of love after all these years. It’s my second favorite scene.

    In fact, he was hoping that the universe will realign the stars for them and things will fall into place for them. And when he closed his eyes, he saw Amanda in the garden in Tuck’s house.

    In the movie, I don’t remember where Dawson’s mom is, but that’s how lovemap came into play in his life. Somehow Amanda also took cared of him the way a mom should. As for Amanda, she has a privileged upbringing, but when Dawson came into her life, just by existing, he made the best version of herself.

    This is an incredible movie because at the same time, they also tried to establish how the characters Amanda and Dawson were fated to each other.

    • First is when they were younger. Amanda asked Tuck if he believes in fate or destiny. Instead, he shared a part of his love story with his wife which says that he believed in coincidences and faith. At that time, Dawson refused to believe any of it.
    • When Dawson had an accident where the explosion threw him in the water, he dreamed of Amanda then after waking up, he got a call about Tuck. That’s what made him believe that somehow it led him to find her again.
    • Due to the hardships and loneliness, Amanda experienced, she became scared and believed that fate and destiny are not real.
    • And when he died, yes, he saw the stars. He closed his eyes, and he saw his dream again in the hospital. And that scene where everything made sense.

    I truly believe that there’s an endless love, but unfortunately, it’s not just for the characters somehow. Even if Dawson died, a part of Dawson will somehow always be with Amanda.

    It’s still a great movie, with a very interesting twist and I still recommend it.

    *Thus marked words are defined on this LINK.

    The Importance of Intimacy

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    When I was fourteen years old, I have a text mate and let’s just call him Josh. I was actually texting my classmate, but I found out that one of the numbers I typed were wrong.

    We became friends. At first, he didn’t want me to become a text mate because I’m younger than him. I kept asking him how old he is, but he never told me. We texted about school, life, and forwarded quotes. Since I was young and naive, I developed some feelings for him. Again, at first, he wanted to stop talking to me because of our age gap, but in the end, we became more. It was only for a few months, then he disappeared.

    After two months, it was December and I was trying to finish my cross stitch project. He texted me let’s meet. I told him why, and he said, so we can become more intimate.

    I got scared and nervous because for me, being intimate means to have sex.

    Now, I know now Intimacy don’t just mean physical, it also means emotional. In our time, it is prevalent among the teens and even the ones in college to believed to show someone you love, you should have sex with them. In fact, when I was googled images for this blog after typing intimacy, majority of the results were couples on bed.

    Back in College, I’d known so many of friends who did it and said, they did it to prove their love for the guys their dating. I’m not here to preach on what age people should have sex, but rather to encourage emotional intimacy to deepen and strengthen the connection of two people.

    I don’t think that sex should be a pre-requisite for a woman to prove her love and vice versa, but that’s for a different post.

    Partners and marriage couples tend to separate for many reasons, but one of them is the lack of intimacy, the physical and the emotional. Once in a while, it’s important to get physical even just once a week because it assures and solidifies the existing connection you already have by the bonding hormone Oxytocin and Vasopressin, which is responsible for attachment.

    Intimacy indicates a deep understanding of something. Do you get it? Now let me explain it to you, Into-Me-See. Now, you get it right? Emotional Intimacy is one of the most important among the four types. Some couples can last even without getting physical because the emotional connection and satisfaction they get from each other. Some people have problems connecting because they don’t know how.

    The 4 Types of Intimacy

    (1) Cognitive or Intellectual Intimacy – It is when you share ideas, thoughts, similarities and differences.

    (2) Experiential Intimacy or Intimacy Activity – From the word experience, it is when the couple do things together and much better if they try new things together to create novelty and maintain the chemistry in your relationship.

    (3) Emotional Intimacy – It is sharing of feelings and emotions. Getting to know and understand the person’s emotional side.

    (4) Physical Intimacy – This is the most popular because tv series and movies had sold this notion over and over again. Which is sexual activity and sensual expression towards each other.

    The key to expressing intimacy is showing vulnerability and curiosity. At the same time, if the two of you have unrealistic expectations or conflicting issues that you keep ignoring and delaying, you’ll be able to fix it.

    How to show intimacy? Partners and couples should ask these questions and explore the answers to strengthen and solidify your relationship.

    1. What strength do you bring in the relationship? 
    2. Describe the moment you knew he/she is the one for you. 
    3. When was the time of your life when you think your relationship needs more tension? 
    4. How satisfied are you with the amount of time you spent with your special someone? 
    5. What’s one way you could be a better couple? 
    6. What are you most scared about your future? 
    7. What is something that you and your special someone used to do that you miss now? 
    8. What does he/she makes you feel when you’re with them? 
    9. What is your relationship views? 
    10. What are your expectations in this relationship? 
    11. What are your plans in the relationship? 

    Those are few questions, you are free to add more questions on the list.

    There are also barriers to intimacy.

    1. Lack of communication
    2. Lack of time
    3. Self-Awareness – If you don’t know yourself, then you won’t know what you want in a relationship.
    4. Fear of Rejection – This is normal and I’m sure everyone can relate to this, but it’s something you must overcome. How can you share your beliefs in a relationship when you’re afraid? How can you make a relationship work if you’re afraid to do something about it? Take a risk and live life.

    So what happen to us (me and Josh)?

    Aside from feeling scared and nervous, I was also angry. This guy disappeared and came back to me and treated me like a booty call. I ended things for good. Today, I’m glad he disappeared in my life. I like to think that if he didn’t leave, I would have still refused to meet him, but there’s part of me that might have agreed. Besides if he didn’t leave, by December, maybe we’d already known each other much better. I might have trusted him more then.

    Below are various views on Intimacy:

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    In Intimacy Institute, there are eight kinds of intimacy. Click the image to go to their link.