Relationship Analysis: Brown Sugar

Brown Sugar  is a 2002 American romantic comedy film written by Michael Elliott and Rick Famuyiwa, directed by Famuyiwa, and starring Taye Diggs and Sanaa Lathan. The film is a story of a lifelong friends, A&R Andre and Editor-in-Chief Sidney.
 The movie started with the question, When did you fall in love with Hip-Hop? At first, I didn’t know the significance of that question, until I got to the end of the movie.

It’s not the just the story of how Hip-Hop started and evolved, but it’s also a story about how love grew between two people.

 

Young Dre and Sid

The two can attribute their friendship and the launch of their careers to a single, seminal childhood moment – the day they discovered hip-hop on a New York street corner. Now some 15 years later, as they lay down the tracks toward their futures, hip-hop isn’t the only thing that keeps them coming back to that moment on the corner.

Sidney Shaw fell in love with Hip-Hop and later became a music journalist and a successful editor for the XXL  magazine. She is smart, caring, strong, stubborn, hardworking, sensible, mature, clever, and passionate at what she does. In the movie, Sid served as the voice of reason, although she had her moments of being lost and confused, and when she slept with Dre. At least she made the right decision to ask for some space to think, and figure things out.She is played  by actress, Sanaa Lathan.

Dre Ellis fell in love with Hip-Hop and later became a successful music executive. He is caring, fun, smart, stubborn, hardworking, charming, childish, and a player. In the movie, Dre is a bit messed up for me. He slept with Sid after finding out his wife cheated on him. It was hot, but I don’t consider it as the ultimate consummation of their love for each other. It was just wrong for me. He is played by actor and singer Taye Diggs.

For years, I binge on watching movies about best friends ending up together, but as I grew up, I realized that it’s bullsh*t to push the idea to people. Some writers, producers, and directors don’t understand the process of true love and relationships because if they do, they wouldn’t have done the particular movie theme. It doesn’t mean I’m not a fan of the idea, but I do believe that some best friends are meant to be together. And Brown Sugar is one of the movies, that is realistic and true.

They are not affected by the Westermarck Effect. 

Why? 

Because they had come to like each other first/ fell in love with each other first before they even became friends. 

In the Westermarck Effect, men and women who grew up together in a close proximity have reached a certain level of intimacy and familiarity that prevents them from falling in love. 

What’s great about Dre and Sid is that they fell in love with each other, the day they also fell in love with hip hop. I always consider the first meeting to be important. I’m glad that they included it in the movie and they showed how important it was.

Dre getting engaged with Reese was the trigger of Sid’s secret feelings to come out, and it somehow also triggered Dre’s when they kissed the night before he got married. At first they tried to live their lives like before, but it didn’t work out because of the closeness they have and when Dre quit his job and told Sid first before his wife, Reese.

This is where I relate the quote of Antoine de Saint-Exupery below.

In the movie, Dre and Sid grew up keeping the same direction which is hip hop. They may have different careers, but their careers still involves hip-hop. It’s the factor that held them close to each other including the other factors that they grew up together, and they’re great friends.

Their chemistry in the movie started with Activity chemistry, when they discovered and fell in love with hip-hop when they were ten years old. As a person, we love to spend time with people who has the same interests with us, and the one who shares a hobby, and/or a passion with us.

Due to the 15 years of friendship between them, it made them very familiar of each other. In the movie, I saw the frequent times, Dre went to Sid, despite being married. When it comes to relationship, when the attachment had formed, we want to stick with them. And here, we can see that Dre is glued to Sid despite being married.

As for their Personality and Compatibility, Sid and Dre has compatible personalities, lifestyle, and careers. They are a team. He writes, creates, and/or produces music, and she writes a review about it. Dre is the thinker and the doer. Sid is also a thinker, a doer, and a supporter. She’s the voice of reason and support to Dre. And Dre also supports and believes in her.

As for the Principle of Completion, Sid gave Dre his key feeling. She supported him in everything as shown on the scene when he told her that he’s going to make his own record label and she became a financial source to him. She told him, “Look, you’re my best friend. There’s nobody who believes in you more than me.” She helped him make his dreams come true, contrary to what his wife did. His wife, Reese, doesn’t know better and she just treated his dream as a hobby.

At the same time, Dre also gave Sid her key feeling to feel complete. He appreciates her as a person, as a friend, and especially her skills as a writer, as an editor, and as a music journalist. He still remembers her first article, and he reads her column on the L.A. Times religiously, because it makes him feel closer to her. Compared to Kelby, her fiance, who only read the article she wrote about him. Sure, I’ll give him some break and consider that he did promised to read all her work, he takes care of her, he cooks for her, and he’s trying to accept Sid’s friendship with Dre. 

The problem is Sid is not just committed to him, the way she’s committed to Dre and his dreams and to her work. Her relationship with Kelby is a relationship that’s bound to end from the start.

Another good thing going on between them is their Intimacy. Sid and Dre already have emotional intimacy because of their 15 years of friendship. And that intimacy equates to the level of familiarity the characters have. That familiarity provided the characters a comfort blanket that made them stick to each other. 

As for Dre and Sid’s Lovemap, I will compare it to the research John Money, Emeritus Psychologist and Sexologist, had done years ago with kids. He conducted a research with kids ages from 8 to 11 years old. It is where he showed them pictures of other kids and made them choose. Then several years later, he got back to them and discovered that majority of them were married to the person who’s got a similarity to the person they chose from the pictures.

That research also applied to Sid and Dre. The only difference is they grew up together. They molded each other’s lovemap as they grew up. They both love hip-hop which served as a glue to their friendship and which led them to fall in love with each other. As time goes by, that friendship and love became deeper and more mature. And when that happened, that’s where romantic chemistry and sexual chemistry set in.

In the movie, Sid finished her book and called it “I Used To Love Him“, she described it as her love letter to hip-hop.

Her final words in her book.

I always thought, one day I would outgrow my relationship with hip-hop. 

I never thought it was a fad, like many.

But I never thought it could grow and mature.

I thought it would be an adolescent memory I’d look back on, like a crush on the captain of the football team.
But I realize we have more than that. Much more. 

We have a history…a friendship.
We listen to each other.
We laugh together.
We finish each other’s lyrics.
I don’t have to pretend with hip-hop, and hip-hop doesn’t have to pretend with me.

My feelings have never been more clear, and I know they will never go away.
To Hip-hop.

Just like any best friends who crossed the line of friendship to love, their is a bump and that’s the fear that the relationship might not work, and they might lose the friendship. Which is what happened to Sid. So in the last scene, after some time had passed,  it was finally revealed to everyone that Hip-hop is Dre to Sid. She said.

During Sid’s interview in Hot 97, Dre called and asked her the question back, “When did you fall in love with Hip-Hop?” She finally told him the truth and he told her.

“Sidney… I have loved you from the first time I laid eyes on you.
And I love you still. You’re my air.
So, I don’t want to be your friend no more.”

This is the first time where Sid and Dre told each other that they’ve been in love with each other for a long time after everything that happened between them. It’s doesn’t exactly follow the process or stages of love I wrote about, but it is realistic. After all, love doesn’t care if it’s proper or right, it just wants to exist. And that’s why we all have brains to make the right decision and not just follow our heart all time. Because our emotions, when it comes to love, relationships, and decision making, it can also be governed by being lost, confusion, stress, lust, and more.

What I can say with the script is it was clever. I love the research they made. How they wrote the love story, and include hip-hop in it. It’s probably a very simple story, but it’s the kind of movie every in loved best friends should watch. It’s the kind of movie, you’d want to watch and get that good feeling in the end, also the really good and thrilling feeling of falling in love. The theme of the movie is subtle, the script wasn’t preachy, the scenes, and the chemistry of the actors are not forced. It is a movie, that will make you laugh, cry, fall in love, and feel the thrill for almost two hours.

Relationship Analysis: The X-Files, Mulder & Scully (MSR)

The X-Files is an American science fiction horror drama television series created by Chris Carter. The program originally aired from September 10, 1993, to May 19, 2002, on Fox, spanning nine seasons and 202 episodes. The series revolves around FBI special agents Fox Mulder (David Duchovny) andDana Scully (Gillian Anderson) investigating X-Files: marginalized, unsolved cases involving paranormal phenomena.

Fox Mulder is an Oxford Psychologist holder and became famous at the FBI when the psychological profile he wrote broke the case of Monty Props. Until he came across the X-Files, FBI cases that were designated unsolved then Scully was assigned to him as his partner. Mulder also believes in the existence of Aliens because he witnessed her younger sister, Samantha, taken from their house.

Dana Scully is an excellent Medical Pathologist and a skeptic who was recruited by the FBI. Despite her background in Science, she continues to be a Catholic. Scully was assigned to debunked Mulder’s work on the X-Files so he will return investigating normal cases again.

In fact, the terms Shippers, Snoggers, Fanfiction, X-Philes, and MSR were created because of the show.

Shippers are fans who wants characters from a book, movie, and TV series to end up together. Snoggers are X-Files fans who wants Gillian Anderson and David Duchovny to end up together. Fanfictions are fictions written by fans using characters from books, movies, and TV series. X-Philes is the name of the X-Files fans, which literally means lover of X.

So what is MSR? MSR stands for Mulder Scully Romance. Below is a summary of their relationship. MSR Defined by Erockfurnia/ Erockxf.

*Intellectual Chemistry was shown right away in the Pilot episode when Mulder told Scully that she read her thesis and he was impressed that she tried to make her own interpretation of Einstein’s Twin Paradox.

*Sexual Chemistry. Well the show is full of sexual tension from the characters ever since Scully bared to her underwear in front of Mulder when she thought she had the same marks as their victims who died of exposure also in the Pilot episode.

*Empowerment Chemistry. Well, I can’t really point out each episode of the show because it’s over 202 episodes. But in the span of nine years working together as partners at work and best friends, Mulder and Scully supported, listened, reprimanded and empowered each other to never give up. They drew strength from each other. The best part is they don’t back down from each other and they voice their opinions when one of them did something wrong and when they disagree with each other’s thoughts and beliefs. They were open to each other. They just don’t have chemistry, their personalities, upbringing and experiences as an individual are compatible because they could both learn from each other because of their different perspectives. It is a very good indication of a well-matched *lovemap. After all, lovemap is not just about having chemistry, and compatibility, it’s so much more.

You see, Mulder is unconventional in investigating the cases and also the kind of person who is desperate to find out the truth. He will stop at nothing to get there and he will accept every breadcrumb of evidence to get there without analyzing the credibility of it. Scully taught him the importance of working hard for the evidence. As I’ve mentioned above, Scully’s background in Science made her a skeptic so it was hard for her to see and believe Mulder’s line of thinking and she follows the procedures accordingly. Eventually, Mulder opened up her mind to other things and according to her he taught her to be brave in believing other things that are beyond the realm of science. Despite their differences, they respected each other.

Romantic Chemistry was palpable throughout the show and even the movies. The couple got together at all, but it already ended. In the first movie, The X-Files: Fight the Future, they had this moment outside Mulder’s apartment where they almost kissed but they didn’t because of that freaking stpid d*mn bee that stung Scully. But in the second movie, I Want To Believe, they were together, they hugged and kissed, but they broke up. Also, they’ve released the kissing scene version from the first movie, where the bee did not sting Scully. It was hot and it was the time, where we, the old X-Files fans came out of our caves and celebrated a big reunion online.

The first thing I love about the show is because they were investigating weird, mysterious, and scary phenomena. The second thing is the main characters are intellectually stimulating, entertaining, even funny and very interesting. The third thing I love in the show is how the relationship between the main characters was never planned.

They were only supposed to be a man and woman who are good friends. To be honest, the show was supposed to end in Season 5 with Millennium as the finale episode and it was also a crossover of the new series at that time, Millennium. It is in the episode where Mulder and Scully shared their first kiss, but it was originally their second kiss. Their first kiss happened in the hospital when Scully had cancer in the Season 3, Memento Mori, but it was never aired.

So the writers at first did not write with the intention of putting the characters in the will they or won’t they situation. It was just something they discovered, and tried to go with it. They are not like the scriptwriters now who are trying hard to put couples in that situation who will toy with the audiences for a long time.

I’m a big fan of NCIS but what happened to Ziva and Tony was just unacceptable. I don’t blame the fans for wanting Ziva to come back to the show, after all they invested so much of themselves in the show for seven years, so expect the fans to be bitter for maybe, another seven years before they move on. With that said, I guess the moonlighting curse is real. I am a devout Densi Shipper (Deeks & Kensi), but I stopped watching when the characters got together. I’ve wanted them to get together, but I felt that their relationships was too force and wasn’t handled the way I wanted it to happen.

Also, the backstories of the characters were not good enough for me to explain the characters’ personalities and attitudes. Deep inside, I’ve thought the writers will answer my questions, but after six years, I still got nothing from them and I also felt that they should have handled the characters issues before they got together. The resolution with Kensi’s Jack wasn’t even good enough for me because there was so much build up and emotions invested in the character before.

In six years, sure, there are changes in the characters when they met each other, but it wasn’t enough for me or maybe I just want adult characters, so maybe that’s my problem. At the same time, I’ve realized that Nallen (Nell & Callen) makes much more sense to me as a couple because of their upbringing, experiences, personality, and more. I have nothing against Densi and Neric, I still enjoy them when I’m not analyzing and when I miss the show.

I’m way more satisfied with how the writers handled the relationships on Castle, Bones, Chuck, and Nikita. Wait, of course, NCIS, NCIS LA, and the others are all great shows and I will still encourage other people to watch it. All the writers are talented and worked hard to give fans something fresh and new all the time. After all, there are other reasons to watch the show, so tune in and watch.

What I mentioned above, is just my opinion. Anyway, so sorry for this commercial, let’s go back to the X-Files. Fox Mulder has an unhealthy *lovemap. It was shown through his upbringing and also some of the women he dated in the show.

For instance, Diana Fowley (Mimi Rodgers) is a smart woman, and who is also Mulder’s first partner, but when Fowley got recognition from the higher ups, she left Mulder right away. She was kind to him, but she always has a different agenda. In fact, I don’t even understand her intentions in the show, and I refused to remember anything about her anymore.

Of course, who could resist the three piped problem, presented by Phoebe Green. Mulder dated her during his Oxford days. Phoebe thinks of Mulder as a game, she knows he’s afraid of fire, and what she did is brought a case to him about arson. On top of that, while she is seducing him, she is also busy working another man at the same time. It’s funny how Mulder refer to her as fire, considering that Mulder is an air sign, and naturally it is known to gravitate toward the fire signs all the time. At the same time, Mulder already has a fire inside him so he doesn’t need Phoebe in his life because he will get burn over and over again. Just some trivia there somewhere.

Mulder has an unhealthy *lovemap. Thank God he met Scully because she set it right. She became his friend, his family and more. Scully also became the person who calmed down the fire in him, so Scully serves as one of the best things that happened to him.

Dana Scully has a somewhat unhealthy *lovemap based from her upbringing and her relationships with her parents. While I don’t remember much Scully’s dating lists. Scully is an analytical, practical, rational and sensible person in the show. She is the voice of reason in Mulder’s head. So when she met Mulder, he somehow set her lovemap in the right direction.

Scully was supposed to be dating someone in the Pilot episode, which was also never aired, but the guy is supposed to be working for the FBI as well.

Jack Willis is Scully’s FBI instructor. She got involved with him, after dating for a year, but broke up eventually. Unfortunately, it does not say much about Jack’s character. So this does not really count as something healthy.

Dr. Daniel Waterson is Scully’s former Professor. She had an affair with him and left him after she was recruited by the FBI. I guess I don’t have to explain more why it makes her *lovemap unhealthy at somepoint. One of the questions you’ll have in your mind, what’s a sensible woman doing in a forbidden love affair. There seems to be a pattern here, the fact that she got involved with older guys, but that does not make it unhealthy.

Ed Jerse is a guy she met on the episode, Never Again. It is an episode where Gillian Anderson asked the writers to write a darker side of Scully. It is in the episode where she got her Ouroboros tattoo on the small of her back. Scully strike up a conversation at a tattoo parlor where he invited her to dinner which at first she declined, but after an irritating conversation with Mulder, she went out with Jerse and stayed at her apartment, where he kissed her.

Phillip Padgett is an author experiencing some writer’s block. He is also Mulder’s neighbor. He is someone Scully did not really get involve with, but this case affected Scully in a weird, mysterious and scary way. Well, what can you expect it’s X-Files. He appeared to Scully as an admirer, he watched her from afar, and he even sent her a Milagro pendant. Padgett lured Scully to his apartment. I can’t forget the time where Phillip told her that she came to his apartment because she was curious about him so he invited her to come in and she did. Scully was somehow in a trance while she was with him and she almost slept with him until Mulder saved Scully from him.

It is somehow hard to write about lovemap considering the mysterious factors added to the show, but you will know what I’m talking about Mulder and Scully’s relationship, once you watch a couple of episodes or so.

The relationship Mulder and Scully have is ideal for me because their relationship has a good foundation of friendship. As audiences, we witnessed how they became friends, what they’ve gone through, how they became best of friends, and how they fell in love for each other. It wasn’t forced, it happened naturally. Mulder and Scully belong together because of all the factors that affect their relationship, and not just because they are best friends. Just like Gillian Anderson quoted below:

Well, it seems to me that the best relationships – the ones that last – are frequently the ones that are rooted in friendship. You know, one day you look at the person and you see something more than you did the night before. Like a switch has been flicked somewhere. And the person who was just a friend is… suddenly the only person you can ever imagine yourself with. – Dana Scully, Rain King

They are not like those couples who are targetting each other as lovers because they are best friends. I have nothing against those couples ending up together because they are best friends. I’m against those who are forcing themselves on their best friends, just so they could have the happy ending they’ve seen in those copped out movies. It’s like scriptwriters are thinking let’s make the characters best friends, so that audiences will root for them to end up together. It’s bad enough when you notice how forced it is when the characters are pretending to have chemistry or to be in love with each other, it’s such a turn-off.

Anyway, on top of having the characters great chemistry, it doesn’t hurt that the actors who played also have a great friendship that as fans we can’t stop watching. Before, I actually told myself that I’m going to write this analysis maybe next year or so and I only plan to write this analysis of relationships when series are complete. But since X-Files is going to have a new installment on January 2016 (Yey!), I have to write this now.

To be honest, I don’t know what I’m going to see on the episodes and I’m afraid that the show will because it’s too old, it may be irrelevant to other audiences, and last but not the least it may air episodes similarly written with shows airing these days. I also think that maybe Fox is using the show the show to gain something I’ll ignore it. And besides, I have faith on the actors, Chris Carter and the other staff who will work on X-Files again.

*Thusly marked words are defined on this LINK. For those of you who’ve never seen the show, but you’re interested in finding out the love story, click here and scroll down to Route 3: The Shipping News.

Relationship Analysis: Once

   – S P O I L E R  A L E R T –   “Once” is a modern-day musical set on the streets of Dublin. Featuring Glen Hansard and his Irish band The Frames, “Once” tells the story of a street musician and a Czech immigrant during an eventful week as they write, rehearse and record songs that reveal their unique love story.

Once is a low-budget musical movie in 2007 where the song “Falling Slowly” became popular. It was composed and sung by also the instrumentalist and actors who played the characters in the movie, Glen Hansard, and Marketa Irglova. Before I start my analysis on the story, the movie had numerous bad reviews, and it also has good reviews due to it’s subtle message and songs you might/ might not enjoy.

I enjoyed the movie because I’m also an instrumentalist, an aspiring broadway actress, and most important of all I can somehow relate to the story. The characters were never given a name, Glen played the guy, and Marketa played the girl. It is a story about the girl and the guy who met and bonded over music, but they were not meant to stay in each other’s life, they only meant to teach and help each other just for a moment. That is why, I believe that the sayings about a couple it’s true. Some couples are meant to be together just for a moment, at a specific time. There will come a time, that some of them will split up, and be with someone else.

Also, I love that they showed the message of the movie in a subtle way and the emotions through the song. The couple met Once. And in those brief encounters, there was resonance and transformation. It was short, but it left the couple the longest and strongest expression that will last them a lifetime.

Marketa playing “The Hill” from the movie.

The girl’s *lovemap is healthy for me maybe it’s because for being a mom at an early age. She is separated with her husband at that time, and she is the breadwinner of her family. She is sensible, responsible, practical, industrious, innovative especially when the girl got the guy a recording opportunity, and talented of course. She is also broken hearted because she and her husband were experiencing some problems. I based that on the song she played, The Hill. How she’s still learning and trying since her husband is much older than her. The girl inspired and motivated the guy in the movie to work on his songs, and to work on their own record album. She moved him to move forward and do something about his situation.

The *guy’s lovemap is somehow unhealthy because he suffered a heartbreak too. He’s got full of ideas, he’s got a good voice and plays guitar too. He works hard as a busking Dubliner and he fixes vacuums. He’s older than the girl but at one point of the movie, acts like a teenager when he invited the girl to bed, but she refused up until the end when he invited her again to stay the night on his last day at the city. She said she’ll visit him, but she never came. The guy inspired her to play the piano again and also to sing. He just seemed like a lost man to me. As if he hasn’t got things under control or figure out in his life.

Playing “Falling Slowly” from the movie.

Falling Slowly from the broadway musical.

Guy and the girl had chemistry when they first met. She was in awe of him when he was playing his guitar and singing on the street. They were lonely kindred souls who found each other, as they were still holding a torch for a previous lover. The scene where they played “Falling Slowly” was a very precious scene. This is where the guy found out that the girl is a very good pianist, and she was able to pick the song easily.

This was a story about a couple who met once and fell in love with each other, sending each other smiles, and stares of deep longing, who were supposed to be together, but it doesn’t mean they’ll stick together for the rest of their lives. In the end, the guy got back with his ex-girlfriend, and the girl got back with her husband. The last scene was bittersweet, it never left me, and it always makes me sad every time I watch it.

Another thing I love about the movie is because of the realistic situation and the setting. It’s not like the cop out situations given in series and the movies to make the audience believe that the couples should end up together or that they deserve to be together. Watching them for a short time made us want them to be together.

Aside from the movie’s unique charm, the actors who played the characters also helped the connection and the chemistry of the couple in the movie, and for it to gain popularity because Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova fell in love during the shoot of the musical and started dating while promoting the movie.

Apparently, Glen and Marketa had known each other years before, despite their eighteen years age gap, they were also drawn to each other ever since they met and they’ve also bonded together through their music.

So the *chemistry on screen is not just pretending, it was intact before they even started playing the characters. It was a mixture of real *intellectual chemistry between them which was shown through their music, *empowerment chemistry from the way they inspired, and helped each other and *sexual chemistry shown by the smiles, stares and deep longing they shared.
I can’t speak for the couple’s relationship, but the couple made a sort of sequel for the Once movie, called the Swell season, it is a documentary film of Glen and his band, The Frames, with Marketa. Unfortunately, in the film, the couple eventually break up. They didn’t handle the sudden rise to fame and the relationship well to work.

That’s in the past, because just like the movie, the couple is now happy with someone else and are somehow still friends. So everything is fine. Due to the movie’s success, the Once musical movie, is even now on broadway. Once is a charming and unique movie, with a big message delivered subtlely. So, guys, I recommend you to watch it. I hope you enjoy it, the way I did.

*Thusly marked words are defined on this LINK.

Relationship Analysis: Gone Girl

S P O I L E R  A L E R T

“When I think of my wife.

I always think of her head.

I picture cracking her lovely skull and spoil her brains

trying to get answers.

The primal questions of every marriage.

What are you thinking?

How are you feeling?

What have we done to each other?”

Those are the lines that started the movie. Honestly, I started, WTH did he do?

Gone Girl is a 2014 American psychological thriller film directed by David Fincher and adapted by Gillian Flynn from her 2012 novel of the same name. It stars Ben Affleck and Rosamund Pike. Set in the Midwestern United States, the film’s story begins as a mystery which follows the events surrounding Nick Dunne (Affleck), who becomes the primary suspect in the sudden disappearance of his wife, Amy (Pike).

How did the characters meet? 

Nick and Amy met at a party. To Amy, she seemed to have figured Nick out right away, but she let him pick her up anyway. I have to admit, I was captivated by their conversation. The scriptwriter did a great job and the actors portrayed the scene well.

How are the characters in the movie are attracted to each other?

Nick approached Amy and made a move on her right away. It was downright explosive flirting and *sexual chemistry. The book is somewhat different from the movie, so I’ll say here that in the book, Nick opened up right away about his life in Missouri. Amy loved the attention and she enjoyed it.

Is it *true love or *lust at first sight?

Well, they were both drawn to each other, the moment they laid eyes on each other. They made each other laugh, and they somehow got each other when they first met. It was not love at first sight  it’s definitely the other.

What is the man’s *lovemap? Is it healthy or not?

Nick is a laid back interesting guy born from Missouri. His lovemap is not healthy because he married the wrong woman. He married a woman who was born entitled and privilege. He is close to his family.

Ben Affleck for me was able to give justice to the role due to his experiences in marriage, unfortunately. He played the cocky man, Amy just met, and he played well the laid back odd man who didn’t look grief stricken when Amy went missing.

What is the woman’s lovemap? It is healthy or not?

As I mentioned before, Amy was born entitled and privileged to parents with very high expectations. Her parents wrote a book and based it on her, but the character turned out differently in the book. Despite the differences, the media acknowledges Amy.

For example, when Amy gave up playing Cello, Amy in the children’s book became a prodigy. That is just one example.

Can a person influence or create their son’s/ daughter’s an unhealthy lovemap? Yes, definitely, with the right circumstances. Amy’s parents did a great job raising her to become a narcissist and a psychopath. In fact, it’s one of the reasons, why Rosamund Pike was able to play the role effectively. She read the book quickly and studied the character. Fortunately, she is also an only daughter.

Raising Amy the way her parents did, was a good set up.

Amy married the wrong guy. At first, I thought she was trying to be a better person than her parents, but in the end, she turned out to be the worse.

Does the relationship contribute to the growth of each person in the relationship?

Here’s what I can say, at first, they were both optimistic, understanding, and so in love that they won’t become like the other couples.

But just like Amy narrated, test your marriage by adding the recession, minus their two jobs, and moving to Missouri equals to the disintegration of their marriage. They didn’t help each other grow, they brought out the worst in each other. Their marriage flew out the window, once they are done on the honeymoon stage.

Do the personalities balance each other, complete each other, or makes them a good team?

It’s a yes because Amy and Nick are the abusers and they also let themselves be the victim of their marriage.

No, because they’ve come from different worlds. When they got married, they were just full of optimism. Optimism don’t make relationships work and last longer, it’s just a temporary band-aid to their simple problems. That is why they’ve grown apart and had a hard time understanding each other because of their differences and the decisions Nick made for Amy.

Are they capable of maintaining a long-lasting relationship?

I certainly bet that they won’t be able to do it. A marriage full of lies, deception, and abuse. I feel so bad for their unborn child. This kind of marriage might last since they enjoy their roles of being the abusers and victims of each other.

What needs to be improved to make the relationship work and last longer?

This is such a hard question to answer considering what happened. So I am going to let the ending be, and say they need to learn to forgive each other, get to know each other again, and work hard on their marriage.

Nick needs to stop being lazy, stop drinking, find a proper job for the future of their child, stop treating his wife like a doormat, stop using her just for sex, and stop cheating on her.

Amy needs to find a proper job, stop acting like a doormat, and speak her opinions.

There are people or characters like Nick and Amy in real life, but how the story ended didn’t make sense, It wasn’t right, it wasn’t practical, and it wasn’t realistic. Gillian Flynn defended the ending of her book, and it’s clear that when she wrote the book, she wasn’t aiming for a happy ending acceptable to the society. She just ended the book the way she wants it.

I like Amy’s character, but it wasn’t my first time encountering a character like her, and a story as disturbing as theirs. I like Amy, but I’ll get tired of her character eventually. Another but is I’ll continue loving other characters like her, and books that have preferable endings. They are not happy endings, just acceptable ones.

Below are some of the popular quotes in the movie and last is the trailer. If you haven’t seen it, you’re missing quite a shocking story.

*Thusly marked words are defined on this LINK.

Relationship Analysis: Only You

Only You was a movie about a woman who found her soul mate’s name from the Ouija board and from the fortune teller when she was a child. Years later, when she was about to get married, she found out her fiance’s friend is her soul mate. A few days before her wedding, she dragged her friend around Italy to find her soul mate, instead she met someone else, Peter Wright, who made her feel things and made her question her question everything.

• How did the characters meet?

The characters met when Faith was trying to chase her soul mate. She bumped into Peter and left one of her shoes while running. Peter ran after her and caught up to her with her friend Kate, comforting her.

• How the characters in the movie are attracted to each other?

Peter was attracted to Faith right away when he just saw her chasing another guy.

Faith only responded when they had a romantic walk while talking.

 

• Is it true love or lust at first sight? 

No, only Peter felt something when he first saw her, but I could never tell if it’s lust or love at first sight. Maybe it was love because he returned her shoes, and even put it in her foot. Faith didn’t feel it because her heart wasn’t open to it. It was set on someone else.

• Was there chemistry between the couple?

When Peter was pretending to be her soul mate, they had a romantic walk, and they shared details about themselves.

During their conversation, it was obvious that they have *intellectual chemistry, they share similarities and knowledge about certain things. They match each other’s wit.

*Romantic chemistry was shown during their time at the Bocca del la Verita (The Mouth of Truth), which proceeded to *sexual chemistry as their hands and eyes made contact. It was sizzling and intense to both of them.

• What is the man’s *lovemap? Is it a healthy lovemap or not?

Peter Wright is there for business. He only extended his stay when he met, Faith. His lovemap is not healthy because he believes that his business trip led him to meet her. Not much is revealed about his character, but in the movie, so he could spend more time with Faith, he hired a friend of his to pretend as her soul mate. Nobody with a healthy lovemap would do something like that, right? Especially, after already pretending to be her soul mate the first time.

– What is the woman’s lovemap? Is it a healthy lovemap or not?

Faith’s lovemap is 50% healthy, because engaged to be married despite believing in destiny. At the same time, it’s a good thing that it was also influenced by her friend Kate, who was married to her brother, Larry. Because of Kate’s experiences in her marriage, she’s rational, practical, cynical and jaded. It was she who kept reminding Faith of the reality, but she let her do what she wants anyway, because her married life is taking its toll on her, and for once, she actually wants to believe about faith and destiny.

One of the things Kate said:

• Love songs are just a cruel hoax that feed people’s fantasies.
• Romance on a daily basis, nobody has that.

It was 50% unhealthy because of how she impulsively flew to Italy to find his stranger soul mate, and to actually believe it’s her soul mate. Her lovemap was influenced by her Grandmother who believed that everybody has a soul mate.

– Does the relationship contribute to the growth of each person in the relationship? 

Yes. Somehow, Peter opened his eyes, and also tried to make Faith see the reality, and questioned her devotion for her stranger soul mate. As long as they stick to reality, they will grow.

– Do the personalities balance each other, complete each other, or makes them a good team? 

I couldn’t tell for sure, because both of the couple’s personality were hardly portrayed in the movie. They could balance each other if they try to accept each other’s differences, eccentricities, and as long as they stick to the reality.

– Are they capable of maintaining a long-lasting relationship? 

Once the chemistry of lust between Faith and Peter wears off, they can work on their intellectual chemistry, and romantic chemistry, and they could transform it into a love that would last.

– Why will the relationship work or last longer? Why won’t the relationship work or last longer? 

It will work if they familiarized each other with details of each other and if they grew trust, honesty, respect, friendship, attachment, and love in the relationship.

– What needs to be improved to make the relationship work and last longer?

I advice the couple to get to know each other well, spend some time together, and depending their happiness to fate and destiny and enough playing tricks on each other.

– How lovemap plays in the couple’s lives?

The good thing here is they showed the people in the couple’s life or to be specific Faith’s life, who influenced her lovemap.

The movie didn’t show how the characters fit each other’s lovemap and didn’t show much, that this couple has what it takes to make it in the long run.

Is it just me, or there seems to be a trend in Hollywood romantic movies where the man and woman will first try to find the right person days before their wedding with someone else.

It’s just like the Serendipity movie.

If something in the movie, is realistic, it’s only when Faith realized that Peter was the one, after finding her soul mate the other guy. In real life, we all make plans, but those plans will never happen the way we planned them.

In the movie, her soul mate from the Ouija board, led her to find Peter instead. Now, that’s a twist that could happen in reality. You plan something, you’ll get it but you’ll get it differently.

This is a kind of movie that I highly doubt will happen in real, first, nobody in the right mind, would just chase someone and proclaim their soul mate without even meeting and spending time with them. Faith seemed to be so desperate to meet her soul mate that she was so trusting, and she believed Peter’s lies in the movie right away.

For days, I’ve been searching for an old poem I wrote for him about how much I love him and that someday I’ll moved on and love someone else.

*Thusly marked words are defined on this LINK.

Relationship Analysis: The Back-Up Plan

The Back-Up Plan was a movie about a woman who decided to become a mother through artificial insemination after countless dating and failed relationships, but after being inseminated, she met a man who might just be the elusive one she’s looking for.

How did the characters meet?

The couple met when they bought got into the same taxi while it was raining. They fought over who came in first, so Zoe came out and Stan did too because he felt bad, eventually the driver lost his patience and left them still arguing outside.

How the characters in the movie are attracted to each other?

After the incident in the taxi, Stan immediately took an interest in her.

Since Zoe keeps him blowing off, Stan compromised with her by just inviting her to buy take out food and since then they have gotten to know things with one another.

Zoe is attracted to Stan, but she keeps denying it, because she’s expecting to get pregnant and she’s got fear and trust issues. Zoe  found Stan to be real, funny, different, captivating, audacious, charming, and persistent.

Stan sees Zoe as sweet, sassy, complex, accomplished person, seductive, independent, competitive, dominant, quick in her response and kind. Stubborn, overly suspicious and distrustful of men.

– Is it true love or lust at first sight? 

No, it’s not. When people meet *love at first sight or *lust at first sight, you could just feel the chemistry and tension between them. At their first meeting, it was more of annoyance, irritation, and amusement.

Love developed later in their meeting or so when they got to know each other.

• Was there chemistry between the couple?

*Emotional chemistry happened when Zoe turned the coin they found in the first meeting and they wished each other a good life and to stop taking other people’s taxi.

Stan invited her instead to be friends with her first. Ever since they met, Stan wanted to get to know her more.

*Romantic chemistry happened is when Stan tried walking Zoe home and they saw a coin again. He was convincing her that he could have been her best kiss then he left. And when they were talking while eating pizza and when they had their first kiss to end the night.

*Sexual chemistry happened when Zoe visited Stan’s farm. We all know what happened there. Mona advised Zoe not to sleep with him, but she did anyway. They couldn’t help it, especially with those pregnancy hormones coursing through her system.

I was debating whether it really happened or not, but it was expressed in other form. So the last one is *Empowerment chemistry. In the movie, it was shown that Zoe is an entrepreneur. She owns a pet shop, she’s good at making things happen and following through.

Stan is good with ideas, but he’s not good at following through.

At the end of the movie, Stan finally built the gourmet shop he was planning with Zoe’s help and support. I believe that Zoe helped him grow when it comes to his career and Stan helped her grow by opening herself and learning to trust again.

– What is the man’s *lovemap? Is it a healthy lovemap or not?

Stan has a history of getting married, but it didn’t work out because his ex-wife cheated on him and took everything.

I think that he has  an unhealthy lovemap, despite being hurt, he never stopped. He was the kind of guy who compromised himself for Zoe.

Relationships have several compromises, but Stab did all of them in a heartbeat. His actions were clearly ruled by strong chemistry with her.

Where can you find a guy in real life, who’s going to date you just like that after finding out that you’re having twins?

Just like children, adults also have a developmental task, and Stan at that time was just trying to pursue his career.

My psychologist friend,  shared three years ago, that some relationships don’t work because the couple is not on the same page or they’re not in the same developmental task. He never said it’s not going to work, but if you really want the person you’re with, then you have to wait for that person to be ready to settle down.

– What is the woman’s lovemap? Is it a healthy lovemap or not?

Judy, Zoe’s Grandmother, just like Zoe, also wanted to make sure that Arthur, her fiancé, loves her and won’t leave her. So she made him wait for 22 years. In a relationship, there’s no guarantee if it’s going to work or not. The couple should just trust and do everything what needs to be done to make it work and to make it last.

Mona, Judy’s friend, she three children but I don’t remember her being married. She’s the only one who’s giving her sound, rational, and practical advice. She’s also funny, bluntly honest, and has a sharp tongue.

Since Zoe has an independent and dominant personality, she listens to her friend, but she doesn’t really follow her advices.

Zoe’s lovemap is unhealthy because as her friend said, she’s looking for a perfect boyfriend. Someone who will never let her down, and someone who will never leave her. According to Mona, she pushed people away, and according to Stan’s description of her character in the movie.

Her parents death also played a role in her lovemap. It’s the root of trusts and fear issues which led to abandonment issues.

– Does the relationship contribute to the growth of each person in the relationship? 

Yes, the relationship could work, but the couple from two different developmental task is a big concern.

Zoe wants to settle down and form her own family, but she’s got issues. At least, she already has the career life she prefers.

Stan wants to build his career and his business, but he is not good at following through his ideas. At least, he knows more about relationships.

They could both teach each other to accomplish what they want out of life, as long as Zoe will learn to trust and be open again, and Stan learns to adjust to parenthood and handle his career.

– Do the personalities balance each other, complete each other, or makes them a good team? 

Stan and Zoe came from different walks of life.

Steve has a more open, and optimistic personality. Zoe can help stabilize his strong impulse or recklessness in making decisions.

Zoe has a closed, detach and distrustful personality due to her upbringing and experiences. Steve can teach her to open up, and trust again.

They both have strong personalities and different plans, they need to work together to make it work.

– Are they capable of maintaining a long-lasting relationship? 

They are capable of maintaining a long-lasting relationship, but it’s going to be harder and needs a lot of work due to not being on the same page and strong dominant personalities.

I’m not saying that strong dominant personalities when joined together, it will never work. It could, but they need more in effort in the relationship.

– Why will the relationship work or last longer? Why won’t the relationship work or last longer? 

It will work if the communication is always open, trust each other, understand where each of them is coming from, accept each other’s differences and eccentricities and learn to adjust to the situation.

– What needs to be improved to make the relationship work and last longer?

As a viewer of the movie, I want this couple to get to know each other better, spend more time together, and learn their personalities, and qualities that would irritate each other. Since their personalities are somewhat independent, they need to learn to function more as a team.

– How lovemap plays in the couples’ lives?

The movie showed that they fit each other’s lovemap because their personalities have little chemistry and compatibility, those two serves more as a chemical and psychological manifestations of lovemap.

Yes, they are both attractive, but it doesn’t serve as a physical manifestation of lovemap. For lovemap, plays a role in a person’s life at a much deeper level, not just because they’re attractive.

The movie didn’t show much, that this couple has what it takes to make it in the long run.

In real life, it’s hard to say that cases like this happen. It happens mostly to teenagers or couples who got pregnant early age ranging from 18 to maybe 25 years old. Couples in real life usually starts a relationship out of chemistry, and in the end it doesn’t always work because of the differences, and they’re not old and experienced enough to make a relationship work.

Another is it’s very important for a relationship to work between couples who are on the same page or same developmental task.

*Thusly marked words are defined on this LINK.

Relationship Analysis: Serendipity

*Serendipity was a movie about the couple who tried to test fate and find out if it was true. They stringed along their best friends and tried to find each other even when they’re both engaged to be married.

How did the characters meet?

The couple met when they picked the last one pair of gloves in the New York Department store five days before Christmas. A third guy almost bought the gloves, but Jon and Sara pretended to be together and that he was going to buy the gloves for her. In the end, Jon gave Sara the gloves and she treated him desserts in return, to the patisserie called Serendipity.

How the characters in the movie are attracted to each other?

Sara made an impression to Jon, he was willing to get her number, but Sara didn’t agree. They met again moments later back in Serendipity when Jon realized he forgot his scarf and Sara forgot the gloves.

Jon was impressed by Sara’s fierceness, being quick on her feet, witty, attractive, and they had a moment when she returned his scarf by putting it around his neck. He invited her to do something.

While skating, they asked each other random questions. At this time, Jon somehow made an impression on Sara too with his persistence, his sense of humour and she was flattered as he told her that his one favourite New York moment is now as he skates with her, he helped her patched her wound after she slipped on the skating rink, and they had another moment when he shared the story of Queen Cassiopeia then he pointed the Cassiopeia constellation at the sky and drew the constellation in her arm. He ended it with a kiss in her wound.

Later, she gave him his number, and he told her to let fate run its course. Then the test of fate begun.

Is it *love at first sight or *lust at first sight? 

It could have been love at first sight. They fell for each other the moment they spent time skating and when they told each other things that meant something to them. After all, it is possible to fall in love with someone in 90 minutes or less as long they made an impression on each other. It started out as an attraction, and when they got the chance to get to know each other in little ways, the connection between them happened. They clicked together.

Was there *chemistry between the couple?

Chemistry is usually automatic and at times you can create it. In the movie, out of the *eight types of chemistry

*Romantic chemistry happened when Sara and Jon started talking about fate and destiny in the Serendipity patisserie.

*Emotional chemistry happened when Sara and Jon were sharing information about each other when they were skating and when he helped her with her wound beside the skating rink.

*Activity chemistry happened when Jon and Sara ate at the patisserie, skated, and when they tried to act foolishly in the elevator. Doing something silly and new with someone you don’t know, triggers the release of *endorphins in the brain, and also the feeling of *novelty.

What is the man’s *lovemap? Is it a healthy lovemap or not?

Jon has a healthy lovemap. It was shown when he got into a relationship with Halley, who somehow was a good influence on him and his studies.

At first, you wouldn’t think it was a healthy lovemap. He’s got the almost perfect fiancée and he was still rooting to find Sara.

His lovemap was also influenced by his best friend, Dean, he writes for the obituary. He served as the voice of reason to Jon. At the start of the movie, he pointed out, why risked his relationship with Halley compared to a woman he doesn’t know.

It was tricky, in the middle of the movie, Dean eventually told Jon that his wife moved out and the reason was that their relationship died because it didn’t have enough foolishness. He cheered on Jon trying to find Sara cause he admired his foolishness. He shared the quote from the philosopher Epictitus, If you want to improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid.

Later in the movie, they mistook the woman to be Sara. Dean concluded, that maybe they were lying on the grass because he didn’t want to be standing somewhere else. Jon was supposed to get married the next day. It was an epiphany for Jon and his friend. The adventure to find Sara wasn’t really about finding Sara, it was for him to realize, that the logical choice was to marry Halley, but his heart wasn’t in it.

What is the woman’s lovemap? Is it a healthy lovemap or not?

Sara has a healthy lovemap as proven by her advice to her patient that believing in fate or destiny stops us from doing the real work and that there are many people he could easily find and be happy with.

I started to question her lovemap after seeing her relationship with her fiancé Lars. He was too busy to have time for her and when he told her to don’t fall apart for him. Despite the fact, that Sara just told him, she was losing her mind with everything that’s happening: her patients, her wedding, her honeymoon and his tour for his album.

Her lovemap was also influenced by her best friend Eve, who owns a New Age store. Eve forced Sara to make sense of things all throughout the trip as they look for Jon. She insisted that Lars is Mr. Good enough and stop looking for the mystery guy. She pointed out that Sara got a fiancé who loves her very much.

Eve’s best speech so far is that:

“It’s a wonderful thought. The idea that all of life, that every single event is part of some master plan designed to lead us to our universal soul mate. If that’s really true, then what’s the point of living? Of making decisions?

You make mistakes, and if you’re smart enough, you learn from your mistakes. You figure it out. You think.

Life’s a mess. It’s chaos personified.

It’s not giving up. It’s growing up.”

Lars went to New York to spend time with Sara. During their trip Lars got a call and Sara ended up at the Skating rink. Sara also realized that even Lars loves her, they don’t have a healthy relationship cause Lars don’t have enough time for her which led them to break up for good.

At the last minute, Sara found the dollar bill with Jon’s contact information in Eve’s wallet, which made her stay in New York. For a moment, Sara thought she lost Jon too.

In the end, Eve told her to stop looking for Jon and just feel him in the air.

Does the relationship contribute to the growth of each person in the relationship? 

It’s possible for the relationship to work out basing it on Sara’s job as a shrink. She believed in fate and destiny, but her experience in life and her experience at work somehow lessened it and she learned how to be open minded by focusing on what needs to be done and the real work.

Sara made Jon questioned his belief regarding fate or destiny. Throughout the movie, after she tested him, the audience were under the impression that even if Jon was already with Halley, he was hopeful in trying to find Sara’s information in each Love In The Time of Cholera book.

At the end of the movie, Jon believed that life is a tapestry of events that culminate in a sublime plan. In the relationship, that belief can be a motivation for the couple to believe to wait for the situation to pan out and trust faith.

In this movie, I believe that it’s important to use your head, but you can’t lose faith and you need to trust your instinct.

Do the personalities balance each other, complete each other, or makes them a good team? 

I believe that there is a possibility of them being a good team when they tried to defend the gloves they were trying to buy. It was a team effort. We saw how they tried to help each other, finishing each other’s story.

I didn’t have a firm grasp of Sara’s and Jon’s personality, but in the relationship, she could be the voice of reason and she could also believe in fate and destiny.

Sara somehow made Jon believed about fate and destiny, but after losing his fiancée and Sara, he believed that everything happens for a reason.

They could balance each other as long as they don’t focus much on the idea of soul mates, fate and destiny and focused instead on making their relationship work.

Aside from the devotion they have to find each other after all these years, I couldn’t say for certain what other specific qualities they have to balance each other and make each other feel complete.

Are they capable of maintaining a long-lasting relationship? 

Sara and Jon could maintain a long-lasting relationship as long as they stay fond of each other, and they would continue to work on making the relationship last.

Since Sara is a shrink, I could see her establishing regular communication with Jon and making sure to spend quality time with him based on her experience with Lars.

I could see Jon, making an effort to make things work with Sara to avoid what happened to Dean’s relationship with Courtney.

Why the relationship will work or last longer? 

The relationship will last because they want each other and they could relate to each other.

I don’t know if it’s going to last longer, relationship that last long are couples who are used to each other for years or so. It’s not really about the length, but it’s about the depth and meaning of the relationship, growth and transformation that they’ve brought into each other’s life, and the things they’ve taught each other.

In the movie, I didn’t really see enough trials in the movie to predict the outcome of the relationship. What we only saw in the movie was two people who were already involved with someone, but still felt as if something was missing. It was a movie with a couple who’s got a strong chemistry.

Why the relationship won’t work or last longer? 

Basing it on Jon’s relationship with Halley, he loved her, but he doesn’t love her enough.

Basing it on Sara’s relationship with Lars, a relationship might not work, if both of you were not giving enough effort to make the relationship. They were engaged, but Sara was trying to find another guy and Lars was too focused on his career.

Sara and Jon’s relationship might not last if they get too distracted with each other due to too much chemistry. Other aspects of their life, such as their career might suffer.

If the chemistry, died down, they might feel it’s just chemistry. They don’t really know each other, they don’t have much anything in common that would keep them together.

What needs to be improved to make the relationship work and last longer?

If this is a real relationship, Sara and Jon needs to balance the chemistry in their relationship, when the chemistry is tamed, traits and qualities they don’t like about each other will stand up and it could get them closer or pull them apart. They need to accept their differences and learn how to compromise and love each other in their own way.

How lovemap plays in the couples’ lives?

Unfortunately, I believe that this relationship is ruled by chemistry.  I didn’t get to see, observe and experience any factor that would explain why and how they would fit each other’s lovemap.

There were no patterns to indicate their past relationships and experiences prepared Sara and Jon to be fated or destined.

It was a fun, silly and entertaining movie but in real life, people live in a rational and pragmatic world. Where in relationships you will rarely see them choose the perfect stranger over the logical choice.

There are brave and open-minded people who were lucky to find their lovemap and they would always trump quantity over quality. They would risk losing the logical choice over the perfect stranger because they found more meaning, growth, depth, and transformation in the brief time they’ve spent with them.

A relationship that is not just based on chemistry, love at first sight, lust at first sight, and best friends who became lovers, but a relationship that is so much more, so much bigger than chemistry, love at first or being best friends who became lovers.

Watching the movie is fun, it would also be fun and silly to test faith the way they did, but the results would definitely be different and more complicated in real life.

*Thusly marked words are defined on this LINK.