Significance of Commitment

What does it mean to be committed in a romantic relationship?

commitmentThere are many definitions for commitment and below is one.

imagesA Committed Relationship is an interpersonal relationship based upon a mutually agreed-upon commitment to one another involving exclusivity, love, trust, honesty, openness, or some other agreed-upon behavior.

I want to emphasize the words:

Exclusivity

Love is an emotion, a feeling. But when it comes to commitment it is a choice. A choice on who to settle with, who to spend the rest of your life with.

Trust

Honesty in Commitment is being transparent with each other. A matter of self disclosure, but it depends on the couple and it depends on the type of relationship.

Openness to each other is being able to listen, accept, and respect each other’s differing opinions, point of view, and eccentricity.

Behavior Agreed On – In a relationship, there are certain behaviors or attitudes we won’t agree or tolerate. We won’t change their personality, but just like in raising a child, we ignore or discourage the wrongful actions, and we award or acknowledge the right ones.

Commitment means differently with couples who are dating, being in a relationship, engaged, married, and are living together.

  1. Dating – You can be exclusive or you are both free to see other people. At this time, the couple is just getting to know each other and are adjusting to each other’s differences, and similarities. The tolerance is very high because it’s new and there’s a flood of endorphins that makes us happy, and serotonin that makes us think of them all the time. Until those chemicals are replaced by attachment and bonding hormones.
  2. Being in a relationship – It depends on the type of relationship you have. In this relationship the couple involved have personal and emotional intimacy, friendship, and familiarity, and the commitment to each other or more. It’s a case to case basis because the arrangement depends on the couple.

  3. Engaged – Promised to be married in a later or future date. The couple here had dated for years and are now ready to spend their lives together under the same roof. The relationship is exclusive and he or she should not see or date anyone else.

  4. Married – The couple at this point had compromised some things in their life to make the relationship work and keep it. The couple is now ready to take the next level which is to start a new family, provided they are already financially established, and both can now provide for their future children.

  5. Common Law Marriage – Also known as couples who had lived together. Apparently there are two kinds of couples here. They have the same benefits of a marriage couple, but some couples are living together but have a different type or arrangement in a relationship.

a) Couple who are just trying if a relationship between each other will work for them.

b) Couple are ready to take the next level, but have decided to wait to save money.

Before making a commitment, a couple needs to know what is a commitment and what it is to them. Because along those commitment are choices that they are willing to make, to make the commitment, and to keep it for a long time.

downloadYou also need to define the commitment.

Are you just curious to be in a relationship?

Is it Casual?

Are you committed?

You also need to ask yourself.

Is he capable of giving you what you want in a relationship?

Is he the person you want to get involve with or be with for the rest of your life?

Do you share similar expectations for the relationship? same future goals? 

Are you currently involved with someone who has the potential to be a healthy partner?

When a person can’t commit, it could be because:

  • He is not ready to be committed
  • He hasn’t found the person he can see himself with for a long time

  • His fear of commitment or his problem comitting might come from a bad experience or from his parents and/ or upbringing

  • In a relationship there are two definitions of commitment that are important and helps in making a couple make the commitment and keep it. Your definition and his definition. If that definition doesn’t match, then there’s going to be a problem.

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    If a couple makes a commitment, they are sacrificing something, but are also gaining something.

    You will both promise to do everything in your power to make it work and not just end up like the other couples on TV who cheated, who got divorced or annulled.

    I have nothing against them, getting divorced or annulled, but when you have a relationship, they should never be an option when you get married.

    A couple before getting into a serious relationship or in a committed relationship, they should consider that you will both undergo changes in life and you can bet that both of you will grow and mature, but you can also change for the worst. The couple needs to be ready for those changes, and to battle the problems together that will come along the way. You don’t fix that by texting or calling. Do that face to face to prevent more misunderstandings.

    Those unmatched qualities or differences that attracted you in the beginning of your relationship can also be the reason for both of you to push each other to change or mold them into someone you want or imagined them to be. That is a big No-no.  That is why from the start, you don’t get married because you are meant to be, because you have chemistry, but because the qualities and personalities you have is a right balance of like attract likes and opposite qualities. You get married because they make you feel complete. You get married because you want to see yourself with them after so many years.

    Their set of qualities, differences, and personality, balances or completes your set of qualities, differences, and personality.

    In a commitment, you trust each other to be loyal, faithful, honest, and to both work hard on making and keeping the commitment last.

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    Furthermore, communication plays a big role in commitments. You need to communicate the definition or status of your relationship, and where and what is your take in your relationship and commitment with him.

    If everything is clear between the two of you, then heartaches, disappointments, wasted feelings, and wasted time can be prevented.

     

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    A couple is expected to build a mature relationship through commitment. If you can’t commit, you shouldn’t be in a relationship.

     

     

     

     

     

    A committed relationship is:

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    A relationship is about your commitment to each other, while you consider each other’s welfare.

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    See some more quotes about relationship commitment below:

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    Relationship Analysis: Brown Sugar

    Brown Sugar  is a 2002 American romantic comedy film written by Michael Elliott and Rick Famuyiwa, directed by Famuyiwa, and starring Taye Diggs and Sanaa Lathan. The film is a story of a lifelong friends, A&R Andre and Editor-in-Chief Sidney.
    88d74b48b3af5c4771a8e445d00dfc97 The movie started with the question, When did you fall in love with Hip-Hop? At first, I didn’t know the significance of that question, until I got to the end of the movie.

    It’s not the just the story of how Hip-Hop started and evolved, but it’s also a story about how love grew between two people.

     

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    Young Dre and Sid

    The two can attribute their friendship and the launch of their careers to a single, seminal childhood moment – the day they discovered hip-hop on a New York street corner. Now some 15 years later, as they lay down the tracks toward their futures, hip-hop isn’t the only thing that keeps them coming back to that moment on the corner.

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    Sidney Shaw fell in love with Hip-Hop and later became a music journalist and a successful editor for the XXL  magazine. She is smart, caring, strong, stubborn, hardworking, sensible, mature, clever, and passionate at what she does. In the movie, Sid served as the voice of reason, although she had her moments of being lost and confused, and when she slept with Dre. At least she made the right decision to ask for some space to think, and figure things out.She is played  by actress, Sanaa Lathan.

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    Dre Ellis fell in love with Hip-Hop and later became a successful music executive. He is caring, fun, smart, stubborn, hardworking, charming, childish, and a player. In the movie, Dre is a bit messed up for me. He slept with Sid after finding out his wife cheated on him. It was hot, but I don’t consider it as the ultimate consummation of their love for each other. It was just wrong for me. He is played by actor and singer Taye Diggs.

    For years, I binge on watching movies about best friends ending up together, but as I grew up, I realized that it’s bullsh*t to push the idea to people. Some writers, producers, and directors don’t understand the process of true love and relationships because if they do, they wouldn’t have done the particular movie theme. It doesn’t mean I’m not a fan of the idea, but I do believe that some best friends are meant to be together. And Brown Sugar is one of the movies, that is realistic and true.

    86932283-a128-469a-9a00-f4f23ed2d061They are not affected by the Westermarck Effect. 

    Why? 

    Because they had come to like each other first/ fell in love with each other first before they even became friends. 

    In the Westermarck Effect, men and women who grew up together in a close proximity have reached a certain level of intimacy and familiarity that prevents them from falling in love. 

    What’s great about Dre and Sid is that they fell in love with each other, the day they also fell in love with hip hop. I always consider the first meeting to be important. I’m glad that they included it in the movie and they showed how important it was.

    Dre getting engaged with Reese was the trigger of Sid’s secret feelings to come out, and it somehow also triggered Dre’s when they kissed the night before he got married. At first they tried to live their lives like before, but it didn’t work out because of the closeness they have and when Dre quit his job and told Sid first before his wife, Reese.

    This is where I relate the quote of Antoine de Saint-Exupery below.

    love-quotes-and-sayings2In the movie, Dre and Sid grew up keeping the same direction which is hip hop. They may have different careers, but their careers still involves hip-hop. It’s the factor that held them close to each other including the other factors that they grew up together, and they’re great friends.

    Their chemistry in the movie started with Activity chemistry, when they discovered and fell in love with hip-hop when they were ten years old. As a person, we love to spend time with people who has the same interests with us, and the one who shares a hobby, and/or a passion with us.

    Due to the 15 years of friendship between them, it made them very familiar of each other. In the movie, I saw the frequent times, Dre went to Sid, despite being married. When it comes to relationship, when the attachment had formed, we want to stick with them. And here, we can see that Dre is glued to Sid despite being married.

    As for their Personality and Compatibility, Sid and Dre has compatible personalities, lifestyle, and careers. They are a team. He writes, creates, and/or produces music, and she writes a review about it. Dre is the thinker and the doer. Sid is also a thinker, a doer, and a supporter. She’s the voice of reason and support to Dre. And Dre also supports and believes in her.

    As for the Principle of Completion, Sid gave Dre his key feeling. She supported him in everything as shown on the scene when he told her that he’s going to make his own record label and she became a financial source to him. She told him, “Look, you’re my best friend. There’s nobody who believes in you more than me.” She helped him make his dreams come true, contrary to what his wife did. His wife, Reese, doesn’t know better and she just treated his dream as a hobby.

    At the same time, Dre also gave Sid her key feeling to feel complete. He appreciates her as a person, as a friend, and especially her skills as a writer, as an editor, and as a music journalist. He still remembers her first article, and he reads her column on the L.A. Times religiously, because it makes him feel closer to her. Compared to Kelby, her fiance, who only read the article she wrote about him. Sure, I’ll give him some break and consider that he did promised to read all her work, he takes care of her, he cooks for her, and he’s trying to accept Sid’s friendship with Dre. 

    The problem is Sid is not just committed to him, the way she’s committed to Dre and his dreams and to her work. Her relationship with Kelby is a relationship that’s bound to end from the start.

    Another good thing going on between them is their Intimacy. Sid and Dre already have emotional intimacy because of their 15 years of friendship. And that intimacy equates to the level of familiarity the characters have. That familiarity provided the characters a comfort blanket that made them stick to each other. 

    As for Dre and Sid’s Lovemap, I will compare it to the research John Money, Emeritus Psychologist and Sexologist, had done years ago with kids. He conducted a research with kids ages from 8 to 11 years old. It is where he showed them pictures of other kids and made them choose. Then several years later, he got back to them and discovered that majority of them were married to the person who’s got a similarity to the person they chose from the pictures.

    That research also applied to Sid and Dre. The only difference is they grew up together. They molded each other’s lovemap as they grew up. They both love hip-hop which served as a glue to their friendship and which led them to fall in love with each other. As time goes by, that friendship and love became deeper and more mature. And when that happened, that’s where romantic chemistry and sexual chemistry set in.

    In the movie, Sid finished her book and called it “I Used To Love Him“, she described it as her love letter to hip-hop.

    Her final words in her book.

    I always thought, one day I would outgrow my relationship with hip-hop. 

    I never thought it was a fad, like many.

    But I never thought it could grow and mature.

    I thought it would be an adolescent memory I’d look back on, like a crush on the captain of the football team.
    But I realize we have more than that. Much more. 

    We have a history…a friendship.
    We listen to each other.
    We laugh together.
    We finish each other’s lyrics.
    I don’t have to pretend with hip-hop, and hip-hop doesn’t have to pretend with me.

    My feelings have never been more clear, and I know they will never go away.
    To Hip-hop.

    Just like any best friends who crossed the line of friendship to love, their is a bump and that’s the fear that the relationship might not work, and they might lose the friendship. Which is what happened to Sid. So in the last scene, after some time had passed,  it was finally revealed to everyone that Hip-hop is Dre to Sid. She said.

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    During Sid’s interview in Hot 97, Dre called and asked her the question back, “When did you fall in love with Hip-Hop?” She finally told him the truth and he told her.

    “Sidney… I have loved you from the first time I laid eyes on you.
    And I love you still. You’re my air.
    So, I don’t want to be your friend no more.”

    This is the first time where Sid and Dre told each other that they’ve been in love with each other for a long time after everything that happened between them. It’s doesn’t exactly follow the process or stages of love I wrote about, but it is realistic. After all, love doesn’t care if it’s proper or right, it just wants to exist. And that’s why we all have brains to make the right decision and not just follow our heart all time. Because our emotions, when it comes to love, relationships, and decision making, it can also be governed by being lost, confusion, stress, lust, and more.

    What I can say with the script is it was clever. I love the research they made. How they wrote the love story, and include hip-hop in it. It’s probably a very simple story, but it’s the kind of movie every in loved best friends should watch. It’s the kind of movie, you’d want to watch and get that good feeling in the end, also the really good and thrilling feeling of falling in love. The theme of the movie is subtle, the script wasn’t preachy, the scenes, and the chemistry of the actors are not forced. It is a movie, that will make you laugh, cry, fall in love, and feel the thrill for almost two hours.

    Relationship Analysis: Best Of Me

    ~ S  P  O  I  L  E  R    A  L  E  R  T ~

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    The Best of Me is an American romantic drama film directed byMichael Hoffman and written by Will Fetters and J. Mills Goodloe, based on Nicholas Sparks’ 2011 novel of the same name. The film stars James Marsden and Michelle Monaghan with Luke Bracey and Liana Liberato.

    First, I just need to get this out of my system. What is it with tragic love stories and stars?

    I promised you last week that I’m going to write about a movie with a happy ending. Because I’ll admit that I still can’t move on from Tauriel and Kili’s love story. I’m at least glad that there’s closure for both characters in the Best Of Me.

    I always love Nicholas Sparks works ever since I read The Wedding. That’s the story that made me buy and read his work, but he broke my heart when he wrote Dear John and I was/ am also brokenhearted so I stayed away from love stories for a while.

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    When I saw the Best Of Me novels, I was excited to read it and watch it. Another reason I love Best of Me is because I’ve always loved Liana Liberato and Michelle Monaghan.

    The reason I chose it because I’ve always thought it was a happy ending and I’m having a really hard time writing an analysis for the movie I chose for this week.

    My analysis for the story is somehow split because I love the chemistry of the adult actors, but I wasn’t feeling it between the younger actors, but it was nice seeing the flashbacks. It gave me insights on their relationship.

    In the movie, Amanda is the one with an outgoing, straightforward, kind, and bubbly personality. She’s also determined and passionate for children since she plans to major in child psychology and public policy.

    While Dawson is shy, doesn’t know how to talk or flirt with a girl, respectful, hardworking, studious, introverted, passive, abusive upbringing,  and he likes the stars. He shared his interest in the stars when he said that humans have always looked up to the stars for consulting and that he made his own telescope.

    With those descriptions between two characters, you can sense right away that they have chemistry. They are a complete opposite of each other and that’s what’s pulling their characters together.

    My favorite scene here is when they were talking as adults and Amanda said that it’s dangerous for them then she complained how he didn’t get ugly or something. It was great. I can’t ignore the sizzling tension between the characters.

    Friendship, intimacy, and security somehow go hand in hand between Amanda and Dawson because they were able to share parts of their lives right away with each other. On the part where she confronted him for making her wait, showing her his bruises, and getting to know each other in the water tank.

    As for love, as time goes by, the friendship grew into something more.

    When Dawson got shot, I was shocked, but what made me cry is when he fell, and the last thing he saw were the stars.

    It reminded me of their last goodbye ever since their reunion.

    One of the things he said:

    “I’m gonna trust in the stars,” He said that because he considered their reunion as a second chance for them to fix the things they’ve left behind. It provided closure for both them and declaration of love after all these years. It’s my second favorite scene.

    In fact, he was hoping that the universe will realign the stars for them and things will fall into place for them. And when he closed his eyes, he saw Amanda in the garden in Tuck’s house.

    In the movie, I don’t remember where Dawson’s mom is, but that’s how lovemap came into play in his life. Somehow Amanda also took cared of him the way a mom should. As for Amanda, she has a privileged upbringing, but when Dawson came into her life, just by existing, he made the best version of herself.

    This is an incredible movie because at the same time, they also tried to establish how the characters Amanda and Dawson were fated to each other.

    • First is when they were younger. Amanda asked Tuck if he believes in fate or destiny. Instead, he shared a part of his love story with his wife which says that he believed in coincidences and faith. At that time, Dawson refused to believe any of it.
    • When Dawson had an accident where the explosion threw him in the water, he dreamed of Amanda then after waking up, he got a call about Tuck. That’s what made him believe that somehow it led him to find her again.
    • Due to the hardships and loneliness, Amanda experienced, she became scared and believed that fate and destiny are not real.
    • And when he died, yes, he saw the stars. He closed his eyes, and he saw his dream again in the hospital. And that scene where everything made sense.

    I truly believe that there’s an endless love, but unfortunately, it’s not just for the characters somehow. Even if Dawson died, a part of Dawson will somehow always be with Amanda.

    It’s still a great movie, with a very interesting twist and I still recommend it.

    *Thus marked words are defined on this LINK.

    Relationship Analysis: Tauriel and Kili from The Hobbits

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    The Hobbits: Desolation of Smaug, I saw the movie parts a couple of times, but during those times, I’ve never seen any scene of Tauriel and Kili until two weeks ago. I was able to watch the whole movie. Then luckily, since The Hobbits is the movie of the month in Star Movies this October, they aired everything including the last installment, The Hobbits: Battle of the Five Armies. So I finally got to see what happens to Tauriel and Kili. Well, I know what’s already going to happen because I’ve read the books.

    Their romantic subplot captured my attention, but I told myself that I’m not going to write a relationship analysis between them because they have too few screentime together. I don’t know enough about their characters, let alone their lovemap. Yet here I am due to the numerous video interviews and reviews I’ve read about the movie. I somehow got the information I needed to make this post possible.

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    Tauriel and Kili’s relationship in the movie is a non-conventional love story or romantic subplot between an elf and a dwarf.

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    Tauriel is a low Silvan elf and a Captain of the Guards in Mirkwood. Her parents were murdered when she was young and Thranduil took care of her and raised her beside Legolas. Tauriel is played by Evangeline Lilly.

    handsome kiliKili is a the son of Dis, and nephew of Thorin Oakenshield, son of Thrain, son of Thror and he is supposedly the third in line crown prince of Durin. He grew up seeing Thorin as his father, uncle, and his king. He’s got a close relationship with his oldest brother, Fili. Kili is played by Aidan Turner.

    In the movie, he encountered Tauriel in the forest, when she saved his life. After that, he started flirting with her. The short relationship between Tauriel and Kili is just a romantic subplot or others are calling it as an emotional fodder for the audience. Aside from that, if you read the book, you will find out that it won’t make you feel so emotional. I love the book, especially The Silmarillion. It’s great. So their subplot is used to make the story more relatable to the audience. Well, whatever the other reasons for their subplot, I only care about the quality and the validity of their relationship to me.

    At first, you would think that it wasn’t love because they’ve only known each other for a very short time. Some even made a joke by using some screencaps in the scene where Tauriel healed Kili’s wound. Every time I remember this it just makes me laugh. The picture is blurry, but you can read it here.

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    If you read the book, there’s actually no way to tell that Tauriel and Kili only spent one time talking together in the Mirkwood’s cells, because in the books the dwarves were locked up for months. So if Tauriel established a friendship and a connection with Kili in one scene, she could have visited him and talked to him often which is an opening for them to fall for each other.

    Before anything else, let’s establish if there was love at first sight and if they fell in love in the movie:

    (1) In watching the scene where they met, Tauriel immediately made an impression to Kili. He gave her a look of incredulity and amazement. The second time they’ve met, he flirted with her, and her response was satisfactory to him. The third time they’ve met, he created an impression with her when he tried to fool her with the rune stone then he started talking about his mom. That’s saying a lot especially to Tauriel considering her upbringing. Her race was taught how dwarves only care about jewels and their gold, but here’s a guy talking about his promise to his mom says otherwise. And Kili was probably taught of the hatred of their race because Thranduil didn’t help them years ago, but Tauriel showed Kili otherwise.

    So from the start, there was something going on already. They only got to know each other deeper on their third meeting. So, yes, I’m pretty sure it was love at first sight, no matter how fast.

    (2) Their situation also showed that they fell in love with each other. They were in the position to fall in love with each other because they were vulnerable. According to Dr. Helen Fisher, people have the tendency to fall in love when they are vulnerable. There was a bounty on the heads of the Durin line, so Kili is practically a dead man walking.

    He almost died in the movie a couple of times and Tauriel saved him three times. Tauriel is also vulnerable at that time because she was trying to help the people of Laketown and especially when she got herself entangled with the dwarfs. She was drawn to Kili from the moment they met.

    If you want a summary of the second movie and the romantic moments, The Silver Petticoat Digest included Tauriel and Kili’s moment here.

    3) Also, Kili fell in love for Tauriel is because she saved his life more than once and she saved him too. It is one of the reasons people fall in love because we all have a damsel in distress part of us that dreams to be saved by a knight in shining armor. In their case, Kili is the damsel in distress until he returned the favor.

    4) Last but not the list, Dr. Helen Fisher also confirmed in her research that when someone fall for us, we also have the possibility to fall for them just because they fell for us. Kili took an interest on Tauriel and he showed her his emotions, and he shared his world to her, that’s some of the reasons for Tauriel to fall for him. He appreciated her for she is and he shared his world to her without their races’ prejudice.

    5) In the movie, it also supported Dr. Helen Fisher’s research from her book, Why We Love. As adversity intensifies, so does romantic passion. Adversity heightens passion, romance, and romantic zeal. Adversity stimulates romantic ardour. Adversity heightens pursuit, just as barriers intensify romantic passion.

    If you want to understand the Science of Love, the how’s and the why’s of love, you can buy it here and Lovesick by Frank Tallis.

    What are the adversities between Tauriel and Kili?

    • Since Tauriel is an elf, and Kili is a dwarf, their race actually forbids them to be together. Tauriel didn’t follow her King’s instructions. She killed the orcs and when she found Kili dying, she couldn’t leave him and ended up healing him. Another adversity here is before she had to choose between following Legolas or staying behind to heal Kili.
    • Also, since their connection is forbidden, it also creates feelings of excitement and novelty for creating a friendship or more between the characters. Their characters are both young, so they were probably drawn to each other due to their differences and worldview.
    • The dwarfs were about to be slaughtered in Ravenhill and Tauriel’s desperation to save Kili made her stopped King Thranduil  from leaving. She tried to stop her King, by aiming her arrow to him.
    • When Tauriel is being beaten by an orc, Kili ran to her side to save her.

    In the third movie, The Silver Petticoat also wrote the summary and the romantic moments between Tauriel and Kili here.

    I consider their romantic subplot as a relationship because:
    kili-and-tauriel– no matter how few the screentime of the actors, in the two movies, they were able to establish an effective chemistry between the characters in total five scenes. Three in the second movie, and two in the third movie. The best part is they didn’t even do so much in that screen time. It was very subtle, but it was very effective. I mean come on! They got my attention. If they have chemistry, I believe it’s romantic chemistry because of the commitment they had towards each other. They were drawn to each other whether they like it or not.  And *empowerment chemistry because they somehow made each other grow in seeing and understanding their different perspectives, upbringing, and beliefs.

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    Of course, it’s also thanks to the great chemistry offscreen the actors Evangeline and Aidan have. Whatever the kind of chemistry the actors have offscreen, it was very effective onscreen.

    • Based from my observation of the trilogy, interviews, and blog reviews, the characters’ personality have a high *compatibility.

    Tauriel is introverted, socially awkward, dominant, independent, competitive, she is her own person, she has a big heart to share to every soul in middle earth and not just her race, she is curious, rebellious, somehow inexperienced about life and the outside world, she loves the idea of freedom, traveling in different places, and experiencing the world. Her King raised her and trained her to be the best, and Kili gave her more reason to be more than just a Captain of the Guards in one realm.

    According to actress, Evangeline Lilly, “…And then as Kili enters her world, he opens up her heart and mind and her soul to the notion of innocence again. She sees innocence and purity in him, and she sees a spark of life that she hasn’t known since before her parents were killed, and it reminds her of the young elf that she maybe threw aside in her pain”. Through this, it shows how strong her lovemap came into play. Kili symbolized a part of herself she lost when her parents died.

    Kili is extroverted, adorable, charming, likable, audacious, cheeky, flirtatious, persistent, brave, reckless, young at heart, pure, innocent, experienced in the outside world, vocal and showy when it comes to his affections. They are two kindred souls who found each other by chance, no matter how different, some of their similarities pulled them together. Kili is called reckless by many, but ever since meeting Tauriel, she made him feel he can do anything.

    • Basing it from the *Principle of Completion, Tauriel and Kili made each other feel the key feeling they are looking for. Kili told Tauriel that she made him feel alive and he captured her attention when he shared his adventures with her. Tauriel is not very vocal, but you have to consider that she grew up in a place where people hardly show affection towards her and who controls the way she acts. Kili, on the other hand, adored and appreciated the person she is, let her act freely or he let her be herself and the best part about him is he shared his world and his adventure to her.
    • They became friends and so much more because of the *Intimacy that had formed in the second movie. Kili shared the rune stone that symbolizes his promise to his mom that he will return to her. When Tauriel shared the elves love of the Starlight, Kili shared his experience about the Firemoon that somehow impressed Tauriel.

    Take note when something bad happens, Thranduil locked up all his subjects in Mirkwood to protect them, they don’t help out. The only place Tauriel had been is in the forest, but she’d never been to other places.

    It may be just a subplot to the movie, but the producers and scriptwriters worked hard to establish Tauriel and Kili’s story because they even made a theme for them.

    Tauriel’s and Kili’s script from the second movie was used as the lyrics of the theme.

    tauriel script

    kili script

    The lyrics are in two languages as you can see below, in Elvish and Khuzdul.

    feast of starlight lyrics

    Below is the whole lyrics characters’ script in the 2nd movie. The first verse refers to Tauriel’s script and the second verse refers to Kili’s script. I agree that Howard Shore captured their romantic subplot perfectly through the theme and also with what the Silver Petticoat said in the blog. That Peter Jackson and his team of writers introduced a beautifully romantic story about two characters that unite as if through a poetic dream.

    Feast of Starlight

    The theme’s lyrics was written by Philippa Boyens and Howard Shore. The lyrics were translated by David Salo. This theme is based on concept of duality of two voices conversing, as represented by the flute and the oboe. The relationship theme here is between two cultures that traditionally don’t go together.

    This is how the theme was made and how it helped tell Tauriel and Kili’s theme. Watch below:

    Sad, but it was truly doomed from the start because in The Hobbits book, all the royal line of Durin will die because Dain is the one who will become The King Under The Mountain. It’s still beautiful in my eyes, no matter what.

    • Tauriel and Kili somehow had established a friendship and some familiarity in the movies because of what they shared in their conversation during the dwarves captivity in Mirkwood. Their friendship allowed them to see past each other’s differences and they were able to care for each other.
    • As for the *lovemap, it’s not just chemistry and compatibility that makes the characters match each other’s *lovemap, it’s also because of their upbringing. Different, but similar at the same time. Tauriel and Kili are both looking for something and somehow they were able to give each other that feeling.
    • I debated whether to share this or not, but Kili and Tauriel’s pairing as of now is one of the most ideal couple for me because the writers matched their chemistry, personality, and situation so well to the point that they seem to be twin flames as well. Twin flames is different from a soul mate. According to the literature is that twin flames are the people in our lives who we are going to meet from time to time and help us grow up. The problem is we’re going to be so attach to them to the point of wanting them desperately to become a part of our lives, but they will never belong to us or with us. My predicament here is that your twin soul can never be your soul mate at the same time, but Tauriel and Kili seemed to be soul mates. We expect them to be soul mates because Tauriel fell in love with Kili and elves fall in love only once or chooses only mate in their lifetime. If their mate dies, they fade. Tolkien had written how dwarfs, humans, and elves love and how they grieve.

    In reality, will this kind of relationship work considering their differences in race and height?

    Yes, I believe so, as long as they don’t let their differences get between them through communication and quality time together. The characters have great chemistry and some things in common, a compatible personality, they are somehow friends and intimate, and their upbringing makes them kindred souls. I can actually imagine Tauriel taming or could handle Kili’s recklessness and just like Evangeline said in her interview, Kili can crack Tauriel’s personality in return.

    As for their height difference, I actually know a couple who had more height complications than the characters did. Tauriel and Kili’s complicated height difference is nothing compared to this actress and her lover for years. The actress only stands 3 ft while her previous lover is 6 ft tall or more. I don’t know how they get intimate physically. They probably just do what their height allows them to do OR NOTHING… 😉 I’m not really sure what Tauriel and Kili’s height, but if I compare their pictures together to the actress and her lover, Tauriel and Kili can manage more and with lesser height problems.

    Below is  The Feast of Starlight by Howard Shore, Tauriel and Kili’s relationship theme. Enjoy!

    At the end of the movie, Lord of the Rings, I remembered Frodo giving Sam the book he and Bilbo wrote their adventures. So I am wishing that Peter Jackson will find a way to use that opportunity to make a movie again. Simply because I love watching the adventures in Middle Earth and I really hope to see Tauriel and Kili reunited. Maybe there’s another way to do that. Who knows, right?

    *Thus marked words are defined on this LINK.

    Tune in for my next relationship analysis. I love this couple, but it’s tragic. Next week, I promise to write about a movie with a happy ending.

    Or basing it on the fact that Tauriel and Kili are twin flames or twin souls, that’s why they didn’t end up together.

    Kishan Paul, Cover Reveal, The Second Wife

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    Title: The Second Wife
    Author: Kishan Paul
    Release Date: October 14, 2015
    Genre: Suspense/Thriller
    Length: 82,000 words
    Cover Artist: Syneca Fetherstone

    SYNOPSIS:

    If you want to live, you must let go of the past…

    Twenty-eight-year-old psychologist, Alisha Dimarchi, is abducted by an obsessed client and imprisoned in his Pakistani compound for over two years. Forced to change her name and live as his second wife, her life is filled with trauma and heartbreak. Thrust into a world of violence and oppression, Ally must fight not only to keep herself alive but to protect the lives of the people she now considers family. At night, she retreats into her memories of the only man she has ever loved—a man she believes no longer loves her.
    Thirty-four-year-old handsome surgeon, David Dimarchi, has spent the last two years mourning the disappearance of his wife. After a painful and isolated existence, he begins the process of healing. It is then he is visited by a stranger, who informs him that Ally is very much alive and needs his help. In a desperate attempt to save her, David enlists the help of a mercenary. Together they find themselves in the center of more than just a rescue mission. Will he be able to reach her in time, and if he does, will she still want him?

    Add the book on Goodreads

    EXCERPT:

    He eyed the therapist. There was something calming about Tom. Kinda reminded him of his dad. Funny. After working hard to forget Ally and their life together, in a few short minutes, this stranger had forced those doors open. If she were here, she would be clapping her hands like a stupid seal right now. “I’m willing to give it a try.”

    “Do you feel comfortable sharing what happened?”

    No.

    He took another swig of water. “She disappeared two years ago. No one’s heard or seen her since.”

    “How have you survived her disappearance?”

    Dave fiddled with the lid of the bottle and focused on the paisley area rug. “It’s been hard. Really hard.” His voice sounded hoarse even to his own ears.

    It had been a while since he’d talked about the disappearance and opening Pandora’s box hurt like hell. Yet for some reason, he found himself prying the lid, wanting to let the demons out.

    “She was beautiful, and God, I loved her. She used to tell me to take her off the pedestal. That I’d wake up one day and be disappointed. After eight years of marriage, I still had it bad for her. How many husbands can say that?”

    Tom nodded, encouragingly.

    “I was so proud she was mine. She was amazing in every way…as a wife, a friend—smart, funny, the whole package, and there was nowhere on earth I’d rather be than with her.”

    He blinked back the emotion and fast-forwarded to the morning two years ago. “She disappeared on March twenty-third. I got home from work about four thirty that morning to an empty apartment. At first, I thought she’d left me again, but that didn’t make any sense. So I made some phone calls, then drove to her office. Her Lexus, purse and keys—even her shoes—were in the parking lot. But no Ally.”

    As many times as the story had been shared, he should be able to recite it automatically, but today was different. His voice cracked and the waterworks he thought were over tried to rush to the surface. Dave slammed his lids shut and pushed the words through. “I called the police. The rest is history.”

    “How have you held up through this?”

    Dave rubbed the wetness away and continued. “No words. I keep thinking if I’d been home that night this wouldn’t have happened.”

    “Do you believe you could have prevented it?”

    “No, probably not. But I let her down. Didn’t protect her.”

    He accepted the Kleenex Tom handed him and wiped his face dry. His head lowered and voice soft, he recounted his hell. “They investigated her clients, everyone had an alibi. People came in and out of the house for weeks. The media plastered information everywhere. Calls poured in about bodies, and each time, I wished I were dead. I couldn’t sleep. Eat. Breathe. My life was gone. Two years later, here we are, no news, no leads, nothing. She vanished from the world.”

    Emotion sat heavy on his chest, choking him and making it impossible to speak. After an eternity of silence, Tom’s firm hand gripped his arm.

    “I can’t imagine how hard that must have been for you.”

    Still is.

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    cl sign

    Friendship and Familiarity Are Needed In Relationships

    art-blue-couple-dream-friendship-Favim.com-132929

    The secret to a long-lasting and enduring relationship is a strong foundation of friendship.

    That’s the common trend in novels, Hollywood movies, and TV series right now. It’s the solution they have to the moonlighting curse. It is when two actors in a will-they-won’t-they situation finally get together, then the ratings will dip and until the show gets canceled. Scriptwriter or authors now, prolong the sexual tension by making the characters friends for a long time while flirting and more, until the right time for them to get together happens.

    Flirtations and courtship provides an endless thrill to the audience and even to the readers, but when two characters got together, it doesn’t have that kind of thrill anymore. That’s why some audiences stop watching.

    Is it still relevant? I’d say yes and no because I stopped watching some show when the couple got together, but that’s for a different blog post.

    Going back to the topic. Yes, friendship does help a lot in making a relationship last. Why?

    • Because when two people are friends for a long time, they learn to look past each other’s differences. They accept each other for who they are.
    • Because friendship establishes an intimacy that leads to a deep trust.
    • Because it eventually provides security through acceptance and familiarity.
    • When friends fight, they reconcile because they can’t help being angry at each other, no matter who apologizes first. While some couples won’t reconcile right away because they don’t want to apologize first, they want to be right, and they are holding on to their pride.

    So friendship and familiarity goes hand in hand. Two important things that solidifies any relationship.

    Friends-forever-lovable-couple

    A relationship without friendship is like a house just standing on the ground without roots embedded below to support and pass the test of time like storms, and hurricanes

    mhGwPtWWhen two people has a strong friendship, they get to establish a certain level of intimacy and familiarity that gives you a feeling of love and belongingness. Attached with it are respect and acceptance. If you want to keep someone in your life, you would want to keep someone who;

    1) accepts you for who you are,
    2) respects your beliefs, dreams, principles and decisions in life,
    3) makes you feel secure,
    4) lets you be yourself all the time,
    5) is always honest and straightforward with you rather than lie to protect you,
    6) will not take advantage of your kindness, weakness, and/or naivete,
    7) you can rely on through ups and down,
    8) will teach you about life and enjoy it too,
    9) who will teach you what’s right from wrong,
    10) who will always have faith and believe in you and more.

    And those descriptions above is a description of a friend, and not just a lover who will warm your bed. Couples in a relationship also have those things I mentioned above, but with couples who are friends first, the intensity, commitment, loyalty, respect, passion, and love is much deeper and stronger.

    After all, friends are irreplaceable, but you can always meet someone new to date if it doesn’t work. Of course, there are friendships that don’t workout, but most people don’t easily give up on their partners because of the deep friendship they have compared to couples who only got together because they have good chemistry and they fell in love.

    143033-stock-photo-woman-man-love-couple-friendship-contentmentChemistry is a trigger of a good relationship, but it is not good enough reason to get together. Love is very important, but it’s not true that love conquers all as well.

    In a relationship, you need; Chemistry, Compatibility, Intimacy, Friendship, Familiarity, Love, and a matched Lovemap.

    The Importance of Intimacy

    intimacy-picture2-300x286

    When I was fourteen years old, I have a text mate and let’s just call him Josh. I was actually texting my classmate, but I found out that one of the numbers I typed were wrong.

    We became friends. At first, he didn’t want me to become a text mate because I’m younger than him. I kept asking him how old he is, but he never told me. We texted about school, life, and forwarded quotes. Since I was young and naive, I developed some feelings for him. Again, at first, he wanted to stop talking to me because of our age gap, but in the end, we became more. It was only for a few months, then he disappeared.

    After two months, it was December and I was trying to finish my cross stitch project. He texted me let’s meet. I told him why, and he said, so we can become more intimate.

    I got scared and nervous because for me, being intimate means to have sex.

    Now, I know now Intimacy don’t just mean physical, it also means emotional. In our time, it is prevalent among the teens and even the ones in college to believed to show someone you love, you should have sex with them. In fact, when I was googled images for this blog after typing intimacy, majority of the results were couples on bed.

    Back in College, I’d known so many of friends who did it and said, they did it to prove their love for the guys their dating. I’m not here to preach on what age people should have sex, but rather to encourage emotional intimacy to deepen and strengthen the connection of two people.

    I don’t think that sex should be a pre-requisite for a woman to prove her love and vice versa, but that’s for a different post.

    Partners and marriage couples tend to separate for many reasons, but one of them is the lack of intimacy, the physical and the emotional. Once in a while, it’s important to get physical even just once a week because it assures and solidifies the existing connection you already have by the bonding hormone Oxytocin and Vasopressin, which is responsible for attachment.

    Intimacy indicates a deep understanding of something. Do you get it? Now let me explain it to you, Into-Me-See. Now, you get it right? Emotional Intimacy is one of the most important among the four types. Some couples can last even without getting physical because the emotional connection and satisfaction they get from each other. Some people have problems connecting because they don’t know how.

    The 4 Types of Intimacy

    (1) Cognitive or Intellectual Intimacy – It is when you share ideas, thoughts, similarities and differences.

    (2) Experiential Intimacy or Intimacy Activity – From the word experience, it is when the couple do things together and much better if they try new things together to create novelty and maintain the chemistry in your relationship.

    (3) Emotional Intimacy – It is sharing of feelings and emotions. Getting to know and understand the person’s emotional side.

    (4) Physical Intimacy – This is the most popular because tv series and movies had sold this notion over and over again. Which is sexual activity and sensual expression towards each other.

    The key to expressing intimacy is showing vulnerability and curiosity. At the same time, if the two of you have unrealistic expectations or conflicting issues that you keep ignoring and delaying, you’ll be able to fix it.

    How to show intimacy? Partners and couples should ask these questions and explore the answers to strengthen and solidify your relationship.

    1. What strength do you bring in the relationship? 
    2. Describe the moment you knew he/she is the one for you. 
    3. When was the time of your life when you think your relationship needs more tension? 
    4. How satisfied are you with the amount of time you spent with your special someone? 
    5. What’s one way you could be a better couple? 
    6. What are you most scared about your future? 
    7. What is something that you and your special someone used to do that you miss now? 
    8. What does he/she makes you feel when you’re with them? 
    9. What is your relationship views? 
    10. What are your expectations in this relationship? 
    11. What are your plans in the relationship? 

    Those are few questions, you are free to add more questions on the list.

    There are also barriers to intimacy.

    1. Lack of communication
    2. Lack of time
    3. Self-Awareness – If you don’t know yourself, then you won’t know what you want in a relationship.
    4. Fear of Rejection – This is normal and I’m sure everyone can relate to this, but it’s something you must overcome. How can you share your beliefs in a relationship when you’re afraid? How can you make a relationship work if you’re afraid to do something about it? Take a risk and live life.

    So what happen to us (me and Josh)?

    Aside from feeling scared and nervous, I was also angry. This guy disappeared and came back to me and treated me like a booty call. I ended things for good. Today, I’m glad he disappeared in my life. I like to think that if he didn’t leave, I would have still refused to meet him, but there’s part of me that might have agreed. Besides if he didn’t leave, by December, maybe we’d already known each other much better. I might have trusted him more then.

    Below are various views on Intimacy:

    intimacy-means-that-were-safe

    7ebb0dd5bd1bf30ae37a641d61ff31fc

    intimacy2

    intimacy-is-the-capacity-to-be-rather

    Intimacy-is-not-who-you-let-touch-you

    be-featured-intimacyMeans

    tenlevelsH

    tumblr_maishh6DuY1qzu4dfo1_500

    sexual-intimacy-in-marriage

    intimacyMap

    In Intimacy Institute, there are eight kinds of intimacy. Click the image to go to their link.