The Importance of Intimacy

When I was fourteen years old, I have a text mate and let’s just call him Josh. I was actually texting my classmate, but I found out that one of the numbers I typed were wrong.

We became friends. At first, he didn’t want me to become a text mate because I’m younger than him. I kept asking him how old he is, but he never told me. We texted about school, life, and forwarded quotes. Since I was young and naive, I developed some feelings for him. Again, at first, he wanted to stop talking to me because of our age gap, but in the end, we became more. It was only for a few months, then he disappeared.

After two months, it was December and I was trying to finish my cross stitch project. He texted me let’s meet. I told him why, and he said, so we can become more intimate.

I got scared and nervous because for me, being intimate means to have sex.

Now, I know now Intimacy don’t just mean physical, it also means emotional. In our time, it is prevalent among the teens and even the ones in college to believed to show someone you love, you should have sex with them. In fact, when I was googled images for this blog after typing intimacy, majority of the results were couples on bed.

Back in College, I’d known so many of friends who did it and said, they did it to prove their love for the guys their dating. I’m not here to preach on what age people should have sex, but rather to encourage emotional intimacy to deepen and strengthen the connection of two people.

I don’t think that sex should be a pre-requisite for a woman to prove her love and vice versa, but that’s for a different post.

Partners and marriage couples tend to separate for many reasons, but one of them is the lack of intimacy, the physical and the emotional. Once in a while, it’s important to get physical even just once a week because it assures and solidifies the existing connection you already have by the bonding hormone Oxytocin and Vasopressin, which is responsible for attachment.

Intimacy indicates a deep understanding of something. Do you get it? Now let me explain it to you, Into-Me-See. Now, you get it right? Emotional Intimacy is one of the most important among the four types. Some couples can last even without getting physical because the emotional connection and satisfaction they get from each other. Some people have problems connecting because they don’t know how.

The 4 Types of Intimacy

(1) Cognitive or Intellectual Intimacy – It is when you share ideas, thoughts, similarities and differences.

(2) Experiential Intimacy or Intimacy Activity – From the word experience, it is when the couple do things together and much better if they try new things together to create novelty and maintain the chemistry in your relationship.

(3) Emotional Intimacy – It is sharing of feelings and emotions. Getting to know and understand the person’s emotional side.

(4) Physical Intimacy – This is the most popular because tv series and movies had sold this notion over and over again. Which is sexual activity and sensual expression towards each other.

The key to expressing intimacy is showing vulnerability and curiosity. At the same time, if the two of you have unrealistic expectations or conflicting issues that you keep ignoring and delaying, you’ll be able to fix it.

How to show intimacy? Partners and couples should ask these questions and explore the answers to strengthen and solidify your relationship.

1. What strength do you bring in the relationship? 
2. Describe the moment you knew he/she is the one for you. 
3. When was the time of your life when you think your relationship needs more tension? 
4. How satisfied are you with the amount of time you spent with your special someone? 
5. What’s one way you could be a better couple? 
6. What are you most scared about your future? 
7. What is something that you and your special someone used to do that you miss now? 
8. What does he/she makes you feel when you’re with them? 
9. What is your relationship views? 
10. What are your expectations in this relationship? 
11. What are your plans in the relationship? 

Those are few questions, you are free to add more questions on the list.

There are also barriers to intimacy.

1. Lack of communication
2. Lack of time
3. Self-Awareness – If you don’t know yourself, then you won’t know what you want in a relationship.
4. Fear of Rejection – This is normal and I’m sure everyone can relate to this, but it’s something you must overcome. How can you share your beliefs in a relationship when you’re afraid? How can you make a relationship work if you’re afraid to do something about it? Take a risk and live life.

So what happen to us (me and Josh)?

Aside from feeling scared and nervous, I was also angry. This guy disappeared and came back to me and treated me like a booty call. I ended things for good. Today, I’m glad he disappeared in my life. I like to think that if he didn’t leave, I would have still refused to meet him, but there’s part of me that might have agreed. Besides if he didn’t leave, by December, maybe we’d already known each other much better. I might have trusted him more then.

Below are various views on Intimacy:

In Intimacy Institute, there are eight kinds of intimacy. Click the image to go to their link.